How a JW treats a friend

Sirius Dogma

I have been thinking lately how being raised a JW taught me to be a terrible friend.

To a JW friendship is completely conditional. If you don't share the same beliefs as me, you cannot be my friend. If you offend my conscience, you cannot be my friend. If someone(the org) tells me you cannot be my friend, you cannot be my friend. If we disagree about anything religious, you cannot be my friend.

Not all witnesses are this extreme, but this is what is taught.

I have realized over the years that I had learned to take frienships too lightly, transcient and as disposable. Maybe it was just a personality flaw, but I think it was one of the many bad habits I learned from the witnesses. All it takes is one close friend getting DF'd and you must make a choice between friendship and following the org's direction. I too often followed direction and the lessons and bad habits I learned stayed with me.

So what do you think? Do or did JW teachings bastardize friendships and make them less of value for you?

Any experiences?

SD

Tashawaa

Sirus,

I've had a couple of beers, and I'm mourning the lost of my cat...

BUT, you are so right! I was a sh*tty "friend". I had a few friends DF'd when I was a dub, and like a robot, I cut off my feelings and friendship. It didn't matter what the reason was, I did the "right" thing (in God's eyes). *$()

Boy, KARMA bites you in the ass. I lost all my friends when I was DF'd!!!! Funny, huh??? I see things "differently" now!

I have good friends. It took awhile, but I'm a much better, more loving person. I have a "live, and let live" attitude, and I couldn't give a sh*t about what is "right" (religiously).

Anyhoo, JW's make poor friends. Everything rides on your congegation status....

kls

Yes , i had some great friends that i grew up with ,becoming a JW and i am sure my attitude changed greatly when the brainwashing set in. So i lost all friends and making JW friends was not in my vocabulary , i was always pretty wild and they were the biggest nerds and there was no way we would have clicked to be friends. My husband treats me also as you describe, like everything is conditional ,he can't be my best friend because i am wordly and he is commanded by the sick Bastards in tower.

Tashawaa

My husband treats me also as you describe, like everything is conditional ,he can't be my best friend because i am wordly

kls, that is so horrible.

I just read your profile. My heart goes out to you!

Hopefully, one day, he'll open his eyes and see...

kls

Tash, thank you, i guess i always have hope.

RR

JW's don't have friends!

Nosferatu

I never really had any JW friends. I was the outcast in the KH, and I was the outcast at school. I had to change one of these situations. I chose not to get baptized and change schools. I was then accepted at school, but still the outcast in the KH. It balanced out quite nicely.

As far as friends go, I've found them to be somewhat disposable. I don't have any good close friends. Ones that tried to screw me around have been kicked out of my life. Ones that bitch that I don't call them enough, but never call me get kicked out of my life. However, when I'm a person's friend, I'm a damn good one. I'll offer my help with anything, but if they take advantage of my good nature, they get kicked out of my life. I don't tolerate bullshit anymore.

cyber-sista

You don't have a lot of time for friendships or doing good things for people in need. I often knew of those in the congo who needed a friend or a helping hand in one way or another--sometimes I would try to reach out, but never as much as I would have like to. I was always too exhausted preparing for meetings, getting reading for meetings and FS, thinking about getting ready for meetings and FS (that was exhausting too) or being at meetings. On top of working and caring for family there is no time for getting too close with people when you're working for the Org.

RR

Being a JW is like being at war, you don't get to close to anyone, because you never know when you'll lose one of the rank and file.

Glenmore

Hmmm, good insight. I do recall as a "convert" that those that were raised in the WTS were "friendlier" to each other than to me. I thought it was me.

How a JW treats a friend

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