Found the whole thing--
You Never Even Call Me By My Name
(AKA The Perfect Country & Western Song)
©Steve Goodman and [although he won't admit it] John Prine)
(as sung by Steve Goodman in London, Aug 8, 1976)
[spoken] This is a song I wrote with John Prine 4 years ago (1972) and we tried to put into one song, everything that had ever been in any of the country and western songs we had ever heard. Tried to put it all into one song. Serves us right. This is what came out:
Well it was all I could do to keep from cryin'
Some times it seems so useless to remain
You're the one who always tried to change me
And that is why I will always stay the same
Chorus:
But I'll hang around as long as you will let me
I never minded standing in the rain
You don't have to call me darlin', darlin'
But you never even call me by my name
No, you don't have to call me Freddy Fender
You don't have to call me Charlie Pride
You don't have to call me Merle Haggard anymore
Even though you know you're on my fighting side
Chorus- this verse only:
And I'm gonna hang around as long as you will let me
I never minded standing in the rain (when nights are cold and lonely)
You don't have to call me darlin', darlin'
But you never even call me by name.
[musical by mouth improv done in a Merle Haggard-like tone -no words]
[spoken] I've seen my name, a few times in the phone book
[spoken] And on the neon sign above the bar I used to own
[spoken] And there's only one thing I'm really sure of was that sucker
You're gonna hear it when my savior calls me home
[spoken] That's a lot to get into one song. We left out all the good stuff. Dallas, dope, divorce, dead dogs, trains prison Christmas, mothers, farms, and trucks. Mothers, prison, trucks, trains, farms, Christmas, and dead dogs are essential, you can't have a good country song without them things. And with all due respect this song needs mothers, prison, trucks, trains, farms, Christmas and dead dogs and is that it? Whatever it is - it's also 4 minutes long already (they're going 'when's he gonna end, when's he gonna end in the booth back there') So I'll just tack this verse on the end here-
Ever since the dog died and mama went to prison
Ain't nothin' round this old farm that's been the same
[Spoken] You know when mom broke out last Christmas
She drove the getaway laundry truck into a train
Chorus:
But I'll hang around as long as you will let me
I never minded standing in the rain
You don't have to call me darlin', darlin'
But you never even call me by my name
It was all that I could do to keep from cryin'
Sometimes it seems so useless to remain
You don't have to call me darlin', darlin'
You never even call me by my name.
You don't have to call me Waylon Jennings
And you don't have to call me Charlie Pride.
You don't have to call me Merle Haggard, anymore.
Even though your on my fightin' side.
Chorus:
And I'll hang around as long as you will let me
And I never minded standin' in the rain.
You don't have to call me darlin', darlin'
You never even call me by my name.
I've heard my name a few times in your phone book
I've seen it on signs where I've laid
But the only time I know, I'll hear David Allan Coe
Is when Jesus has his final judgment day.
Chorus:
Well, I was drunk the day my Mom got outta prison.
And I went to pick her up in the rain.
But, before I could get to the station in my pickup truck
She got runned over by a damned old train.
Chorus:
So I'll hang around as long as you will let me
And I never minded standin' in the rain.
No, You don't have to call me darlin', darlin'
You never even call me, I wonder why you don't call me
Why don't you ever call me by my name.