After 3 attempts, I finally have a letter that I might actually mail to my mom. I think it's funny that she will get my letter at the same time she is studying the "Beware" WT article. Think she'll make something of it??
Anyway here's the letter. I'd love some feedback. The first two were very angry. Then I read Steven Hassan's book and re-worked it to be more gentle and loving.
Some background is that after my dad and both grandmother's died - all within 2 weeks of each other (1996) - my mom left for missionary work in Equador. I called her crying right after she got there because I had a nightmare that she had died too. For the next 2 years I did not hear from her at all. It was during that time that I completely let her go and its only now that I feel moved to try again. Then, after 2 years, she sent me a letter attempting an apology but basically blaming her absence on the fact that she figured out that I am gay and proceeded with the JW script on that topic. I never responded to that letter.
It's been so long since we've communicated I'm not even sure where to begin. You've been on my mind almost constantly lately and I feel compelled to write. I worry that our time is short and this is how our story will end. You're my mother and I do not want our story to end this way.
I did not respond to your last letters because I simply could not stand the pain of rejection and loss anymore. When Daddy, Grandma Beth and Grandma Georgia all died I was completely devastated. I think you knew that when I called you in Equador. I waited fro you to call - to check on me - to care. I even had fantasies that you would invite me to visit you in Equador. I longed for the comfort of my mother. In time, I realized it was not going to happen and I accepted it and protected myself by closing the door to you. Time has allowed me to heal and to grow in acceptance.
The process of acceptance though was that I had lost both of my parents. There are so many things that I wanted to share with you and wanted you to be a part of. I've grown and changed over the years and as much disappointment I know you've felt over me - I wanted you to be proud of who I have become. I know you always wanted me to know that you were only doing what Jehovah wanted you to do in avoiding me. I don't believe he wants this for us and it is a daily challenge to accept that you do believe that I am so vile and sinful that you should not associate with me. I made some very bad choices when I was younger and I suffered greatly for my choices. It seems a harsh punishment for us both to suffer an 18 year severed relationship for the choices I made as a very sick 18 year old.
I remember a time when you and I were very close. I can remember so many fun times with you. I miss that and I miss you. In writing this letter to you I am choosing to turn my cheek to you rather than my back.
*** Then I go on to share some family information that she does not know - mostly about my sister's kids who she's never met and invite her to write back****
Thanks for any feedback. What scriptures do you guys think I should anticipate?