After 5 years, a letter...Beware the Voice of Strangers

by Bubbamar 14 Replies latest social family

  • Bubbamar

    After 3 attempts, I finally have a letter that I might actually mail to my mom. I think it's funny that she will get my letter at the same time she is studying the "Beware" WT article. Think she'll make something of it??

    Anyway here's the letter. I'd love some feedback. The first two were very angry. Then I read Steven Hassan's book and re-worked it to be more gentle and loving.

    Some background is that after my dad and both grandmother's died - all within 2 weeks of each other (1996) - my mom left for missionary work in Equador. I called her crying right after she got there because I had a nightmare that she had died too. For the next 2 years I did not hear from her at all. It was during that time that I completely let her go and its only now that I feel moved to try again. Then, after 2 years, she sent me a letter attempting an apology but basically blaming her absence on the fact that she figured out that I am gay and proceeded with the JW script on that topic. I never responded to that letter.

    Dear Mother,

    It's been so long since we've communicated I'm not even sure where to begin. You've been on my mind almost constantly lately and I feel compelled to write. I worry that our time is short and this is how our story will end. You're my mother and I do not want our story to end this way.

    I did not respond to your last letters because I simply could not stand the pain of rejection and loss anymore. When Daddy, Grandma Beth and Grandma Georgia all died I was completely devastated. I think you knew that when I called you in Equador. I waited fro you to call - to check on me - to care. I even had fantasies that you would invite me to visit you in Equador. I longed for the comfort of my mother. In time, I realized it was not going to happen and I accepted it and protected myself by closing the door to you. Time has allowed me to heal and to grow in acceptance.

    The process of acceptance though was that I had lost both of my parents. There are so many things that I wanted to share with you and wanted you to be a part of. I've grown and changed over the years and as much disappointment I know you've felt over me - I wanted you to be proud of who I have become. I know you always wanted me to know that you were only doing what Jehovah wanted you to do in avoiding me. I don't believe he wants this for us and it is a daily challenge to accept that you do believe that I am so vile and sinful that you should not associate with me. I made some very bad choices when I was younger and I suffered greatly for my choices. It seems a harsh punishment for us both to suffer an 18 year severed relationship for the choices I made as a very sick 18 year old.

    I remember a time when you and I were very close. I can remember so many fun times with you. I miss that and I miss you. In writing this letter to you I am choosing to turn my cheek to you rather than my back.

    *** Then I go on to share some family information that she does not know - mostly about my sister's kids who she's never met and invite her to write back****

    Thanks for any feedback. What scriptures do you guys think I should anticipate?

  • 4JWY

    Are you enclosing a box of kleenex? I am crying for you and think it is a wonderful letter.

    Wishing you the best outcome,


  • Double Edge
    Double Edge

    Great letter.... it speaks well for your character. I hope you get the reply you desire. Take care.

  • confusedjw

    I hope that you are prepared for the worst and with all my heart I hope she doesn't do that.

    I hope those leaders at bethel are happy with what they have done to families with their corporate disfellowhipping rules designed to protect "unity at all costs".

  • willyloman

    Your mild manner and unconditional love,s o beautifully demonstrated in the face of such heinous and callous behavior by your alleged mother, demonstrates what this forum has so often shown and so many of us have learned: Real love is seldom found inside the borg.

  • frankiespeakin


    Great letter,, may it open doors for you and your mother. Keep it just the way it is.

  • lisaBObeesa

    Beautiful letter. Very nice. I have been having a hard time with my own letter and the anger that keeps spilling onto the page.....I think I am going to read Steve Hassan's book, too.

    Again, great letter.

  • shamus

    "they have no natural affection".

    Perhaps it's time to let her go after this. I hope that you have seeked counselling, too. This is too much for your shoulders to bear without some kind of professional help, IMO. One never knows if she will change..

    Remember, the wtbts says that she is doing this out of 'love'.

  • Country Girl
    Country Girl


    Poignantly written letter, I can feel the honest and sincere attempt to re-establish your connection with her, but at the same time your firm and strong stand that you won't let yourself be hurt again. If I were your Mother, it would melt my ever-lovin' heart. <sniff> Unfortunately, it seems this religion makes cold their hearts, and wraps them in razor-wire.

    I do so hope it brings the maternal relief that you have longed for. I can understand your deep-seated emotions about this as I, too, struggle with a similar situation. Best of luck and I'll be rooting for you!

    Country Girl



    It is a great letter. You seem very sensitive, caring and loving. I'm sure your mom will pick up on that, if she reads the letter. JWs are so harsh. Without any semblance of mercy. They have to be -- or they get into trouble with their elders. She will feel guilty if she doesn't tell her elders that she heard from you.

    I have two kids that shun me. They are scared of me. The elders -- and I too -- taught them that. When I was a dub I taught them to fear disfellowshipped ones. And shun them.

    I figure if your mom allowed herself to feel, she would feel compassion and love. That would be natural. But somehow, the dubs have taught them to turn off their emotions. Turn off their "human-ness". So sad.

    This is their chosen path, to accept being brainwashed. They are not aware they are brainwashed. The only thing we can do is let them be. And be happy in our own lives. And know that one day they will have the opportunity on their path to open their eyes and see the cracks in the borg -- and choose to leave, as you did. And be true to themselves.

    Just keep being true to yourself, Bubbamar!!! Keep takin' care of you! You are important!!!


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