Does anyone think it is wrong to still be a 'wittness' on the outside in order to ensure their family's love and support even though they know inside their living the "double life" I mean I want my family at my wedding and help me buy my first apartment. I think certain familllies cannot bear the idea of one of their own "falling from the truth" (so it goes) so its a secret I hide. But my long time boyfriend says I should tell my family how I really feel when we become engaged (he's not a wittness) in the future.(he can't understand what is the big deal; boy if he only knew ) I say I'll never tell them since I can't get disfellowshipped from marrying "an unbeliever" anyway. What do ya'll think?
ON A PERSONAL NOTE
That is certainly your choice and its not the place of any of us to tell you wherther it is a moral choice or not.
I think that a lot of people have to pretend to be something that they are not to gain the acceptance of their family. Its sad that it has to be this way, but its a reality that many people must face. You may come to the point in your life someday though where you are just tired of living a lie. Then you'll have to tell them, you'll feel relieved if thats the case. But how your family reacts is entirely up to them. Most families will not cut you off totally, but will probably think of you in a different light and they will probably treat you differently. Some families have in fact cut off their own family members. I guess you have to know your family and how they will react. If it is simply a matter of dissappointing them, but they won't cut you off you may feel more comfortable telling them how you really feel.
But really in response to your question, I don't think anyone here will mind if you want to act one way to please your parents. In fact, even if you wanted to be a witness I don't think people here would think you were a bad person, we just might disagree with you, thats all
I lived a double life for a few years. It started to take a toll on me after a while. I felt trapped by a ball and chain. I had enough chain to experience a bit of the outside world, but that damn chain would only allow me so much. It was frustrating and depressing. I was unhappy, and I didn't want to be unhappy any longer.
I left and now I have all the time and freedom in the world. I left my parents house without their help, I found my own apartment and paid for it without their help. Personally, I can't put on a good face to get benefits from other people. I'd rather have a person do it from the goodness of their heart. Incidently, my JW mother did help with the wedding.
Your parents aren't going to be around to help you forever. You're going to have to learn how to deal with all this stuff on your own eventually. Don't be intimidated by working for what you want. It's a great feeling when you look at what you've done and say "I did this all by myself, without any help!" It's like learning to tie your shoelaces all over again. Please don't tell me your parents still tie your shoelaces for you ;)
Take care, and good luck with whatever you decide.
Will this be a problem with your boyfriend? Me personaly, if my family did not love me for me then they are no longer my family
This is your decision.
isn't it awful that a person could be in htis position? Perhaps after your marriage, u could just stat to fade a bit and thye will just think it b/c u married "out of the truth" . they would not be so surprised that u stop meetings and all.
just a thought.many here are doing the fade.
Does anyone think it is wrong to still be a 'wittness' on the outside in order to ensure their family's love and support even though they know inside their living the "double life"
Each one has to do what is right for them - and you may change your mind in time. Many here really suffer without their families - others do all right - and some are able to partially take their stand and still have the support of their families and limited acceptance from JW friends.
You have a right to do what works for you, what you feel is right.
I do not think it is really an issue of right or wrong, and I have to agree with some of the others when they say that each one of us have to do what is right for ourselves.
Personally, I could not lead a double life for very long. It would make me absolutely nuts. And those who do successfully live a double life are doing it for reasons so personal and so varied that you probably could not count them all. It might seem very noble to some that you would lead a double life in order to keep from hurting those you love, however, how much are you allowing the situation to hurt and damage you in the meantime? La-la-lander JW's who are true believers do not care how you are suffering, only that you get disciplined so you repent and become a mindless borg like them. Ah, such bliss, no?
I don't mind, but I have a question, how do you think your JW family will treat you when they know you are marrying a non-JW. How will you keep their love and support under that circumstance?
since your a female it will go easy on you...there was alot of sisters marrying outside the hall...as a former m.s when we did sheparding calls most of the sisters were put on reproval then after six months they got there so called privilages back..as for us single brothers they came down hard on us...im alone with two young teenagers and they made impossible for me to date a sister or woman outside the org...they really mess with your head if your looking outside the org for a relationship..my last girlfriend thought i was totally weird because i didnt know how to celebrate christmas..so it goes both ways..most guys who marry witness sister are more able to adapt.....i guess thats why im still single..maybe i will end up with 5 cats at the end....
Does anyone think it is wrong to still be a 'witness' on the outside in order to ensure their family's love and support even though they know inside their living the "double life" I mean I want my family at my wedding and help me buy my first apartment. I think certain familllies cannot bear the idea of one of their own "falling from the truth" (so it goes) so its a secret I hide.
I totally understand - I am in the exact same position - I lead a double life - and if my family would leave with me it would be a no-brainer. It is just little but important things - if I was DFd or DAd I could not go to my daughters wedding or "give her" to her husband - to me these are important things - so I just lead a double life - Can I last long enough until my daughter is married - I hope so but do not know