Just a few other things, before I continue.....while we were living in the "zoo," and within a few weeks after I?d sent the sign language letter to the GB, a woman came to our apartment to visit. My son and I had met her one time when we?d ridden the bus. It was around Christmas time. For some unknown reason, she felt it appropriate to give me a Christmas present. I was puzzled, of course.....and a little chagrined since we had nothing to give her in return on our limited income and we?d been totally caught off guard.....wanna know what it was? A robe.....red, with a black stripe down the center front....bordered by a white stripe of equal width on each side of the center stripe....I wondered what it was gonna take to turn that black stripe white....I discovered later it was too small for me anyway, so I gave it away.....the other thing was that there was one other dream/vision that occurred while I was living in one of the "safe houses".....I saw an eye......it must have been a right eye and I was viewing it from the right side.....apparently it was someone?s eye, because it appeared to be part of the face of a live human and would blink occasionally....and the thing that impressed itself on me was that there were many eyelashes.....and I wondered just how many "lashes" I would have to experience.....
My son and I returned to Texas and my daughter met us at the bus station, having invited us to stay with her and her family. My granddaughters were simply adorable, ages 4 and 2, and the older one, Tory, addressed me as "Grandmother," which for some reason thrilled me to no end. I?m gonna spare yall at least some of the gorier details of the detritus of my life and just simply explain here that when there?s a g/mom, cleaning, doing laundry, babysitting, etc, while the mom works and the drug addict-wanna-be rock star son-in-law sits on his duff watching toons, x-rated horror flicks and playing music, something?s gotta give.....and my daughter was soon manipulated into throwing me out of the house.....I guess it made him look bad that I was partially disabled and doing as much as I was, while he wasn?t making an effort to do anything but "party".....She and her hubby kept my son so they could take advantage of the foster care funding......With my suitcases in hand and no where to go, I began walking, not knowing how far I would get.....I was terribly upset and crying and as I neared a hospital, I had an asthma attack and was whooping like a barking seal, so I forced myself to calm down, because I knew it was brought on by the emotional upheaval.....When I arrived at the hospital, the ER personnel determined my circumstances and placed me in....and I?m STILL scratching my head over this one......a halfway house for both mentally and physically disabled people.....ohhhhh......it was horrible.....I soon decided to call my stepsister whom I hadn?t seen in years.....she lives in the country, East of Beaumont, and she took me to stay with her and her family where once again I was the chief cook and bottle washer, doing laundry and cleaning up after the "hogs were slopped.".....waiting for my SSD to be approved (which it never would be).....
On Thanksgiving Day, my sister and her husband had decided to visit his parents way up in the hill country of East Texas and that I would go with them.... Why? I wondered.....I didn?t know those people and had no desire to leave the house and sit all day in the company of strangers if I could help it.....her daughter and another man that was living there on disability were staying at home and his family was coming to visit....I could have stayed at home.....she wouldn?t take "no" for an answer, so I took off before they were ready to leave and went into the woods near the house to stay out of sight till they left.....well....she left instructions that I was to be locked out of the house and could not re-enter till they returned later that evening.....though I knocked and knocked, neither my niece, nor the "boarder" would let me in or answer the door......when his family arrived later that morning, I met them as they got out of their vehicles in the driveway and told them my circumstances.....and they were horrified, saying how inhumane my sister was being toward me.....of course, *I* knew this, but hadn?t been able to get my niece or the "boarder" to see it......they let me into the house, where I packed my bags and waited for my sister?s return. When she returned, I asked her to take me into Beaumont, where I?d find a place to stay myself.....I waited outside for approximately an hour and she didn?t come out, so I just picked up my suitcases and began walking down the rural highway......again, I was crying.....before long, a car stopped beside me and a young man and woman got out to find out what was wrong.....when I told them what had happened, the young man said that he was an EMT and he told me that he was going to take me to the little store up the road and give me the change to call an ambulance and that I was to tell them I was depressed and suicidal (I hadn?t told him this)....he said that by telling them this, they would take me to a hospital and the hospital would see that I was admitted to the local mental health facility where they, in turn, would find me a place to stay....(whoopee, I thought)....I did this and everything turned out like he said.....except.....they did find me a place to stay, per se, but were going to turn me out on the street again if I didn?t go to a prescribed "shelter".....in which I had no desire to be stuck again....so I took off down the street when I was released and started walking down the service road beside the freeway....suitcases in hand......and as evening drew near, I grew tired and sat down on a grassy slope beside the road....I asked Jehovah for a sign....What was I to do? Where to go?.....and I looked down as I sat there......I was sitting in a bed of clover.....I?d seen clovers all my life, but I?d never noticed that they "folded" their leaves at sunset......these clovers were folded with two leaves forward like two hands drawn together in prayer and the third leaf bent over them, as though it were a bowed head......I wondered at this....and then I began to hear singing and hand-clapping......I got up, picked up my suitcases and began walking up the road toward the sound......there was a tent revival just a short distance up the road and I went in and took a seat in the back.....when it was over, a few of the participants came over to me and asked me about myself, so I told them my circumstances.....they took me to the Salvation Army shelter, where I stayed for a while till one day an elderly man came there desperately in need of a live-in caregiver for his wife with Alzheimer?s.....I jumped at the job, because his wife was ambulatory and there was no lifting involved, I knew I could handle it.....and I did.....and with my first paycheck, I went to my regular chiropractor to see if there was anything he could do for my back.....he "tuned up" my back and neck, relieving me of the pain, numbness and tingling I was experiencing in my upper back, arms, hands, legs and feet....and put my tailbone back in place, which enabled me to stand on my feet longer without severe pelvic floor pain........and during the period of time that my visits to the chiropractor were occurring, I ran into my son there one morning......he?d sprained his back and his roommate had brought him to our regular chiropractor, whom my son had remembered was inexpensive and easily accessible. We were thrilled to see each other again....and never lost contact with one another again. It seems that the drugs and alcohol that my son-in-law and daughter had been giving my son weren?t enough to keep my son "captive" for their own use.....the fist beatings that my son had been undergoing on an almost daily basis caused him to be suicidal and finally his new "roomie" had rescued my son, talking him out of committing suicide and offering for my son to come and live with him and the roomie helped my son find a job, too.
The elderly man for whose wife I was caring was so grateful for the help that he bought me a 1995 Nissan the following year......life was certainly looking good......I had new clothes, a job, a fairly new car, I?d found my son......but.....though I hadn?t been writing letters to the GB anymore......the second year I worked as a live-in, I discovered the Chaldean Hebrew Kabala Alphabet......and while I won?t go into detail, I discovered many things in the bible that I hadn?t known before (yeah, right) and many things that I had suspected were truth were proven to be true to me......so I sat down in my spare time and wrote another letter to the GB, showing them what I?d found out about Jesus, using the Kabala Alphabet. Within a few weeks, I began itching and stinging all over and after four months of treating myself, the elderly man and his wife.....with "Quell" for scabies.....with no success....I left the job and used Elemite to finally get cured......I got another job, moved into the YWCA, having had to sell my car and "downsize" to an older less expensive model. Finally, I was able to afford my own apartment.....then I began to write the GB again, using the Kabala Alphabet and contracted scabies on the job again.....this time it lasted, not four months like the first time.....but for NINE months I was covered with them before I finally got cured, though I?d had to leave yet another job to do so.
I kept on having an occasional visit from the "kissing" spirit and occasional dream/visions through these years.....and while I was living at the YWCA, I had made a cassette tape instead of writing a letter, telling the GB that they should get out of the scriptures and why......and one rainy night not long after I?d sent it to them, as I was driving home from work, I noticed a broken cassette in the street......the tape was spilled out into the street and was blowing around like it was alive....writhing......and when I turned onto the street beside the "Y" parking lot, there was a HUGE water mocassin winding its way down the middle of the street.....coming towards me with its head raised. I wasn?t sure how long it was because it was semi-coiled, but the circumference of its coils looked as though I could fit it between the wheels of my car and drive over it....I didn?t want to drive beside the damn thing, because its head would have reached up to my window.....so I straddled it with my wheels as I drove over it.....and it ducked its head evidently so it didn?t hit my undercarriage......and I didn?t hang around to see if it was still there, but drove directly into the "Y" parking lot, parked my car THEN got out and saw it continuing down the street....unaffected......I went into the building quickly, yanno....I wondered if I was hallucinating, but we DO have the Neches River running through downtown here.....just a few blocks from the "Y".....and it had been raining quite a bit.....the other residents assured me that there were occasionally water mocassins that came up out of the river when there was heavy rain......
After leaving my last job and enduring the nine months of scabies, I moved back to the Salvation Army.....this time, my son was also there.....he had another job at a lube shop but had no place to live at the time.....and he ran into the Agency owner that I had worked for before I?d gone to California back in 1988.....by now it was 10 years later....1998.....she offered me a job and I moved back into the "Y" temporarily until I was able to afford my own place to live....I?ve been working through the Agency since then.....for about five years I cared for one patient and while working there, I was still "involved with" the Kabala and what its application to letters, words, titles and phrases meant.....to the extent that I couldn?t hear something said or see or even think of something written without automatically calculating its numerical value according to the Kabala.....and I contracted Scabies.....again.....through another coworker on the job.....this time it was to last for approximately 4 years before I would get rid of them finally.....and also force myself to quit thinking about the "numbers" and incorporating them into my every thought.....I didn?t quit my job this time, but continued, because I was bound and determined that I wasn?t going to go through being financially destitute again over this.....During this time, I also ran into "Crabby Pants" my exhubby, who moved back from California into his Dad?s house and I moved in with him to "watch his back" since he?s a stroke victim and his left side is impaired and he?s often forgetful and wastes his income on frivolous things so he runs out of money for food, gas, etc....I make sure he always has something to eat and can make it from one month to the next by loaning him money each month till he receives his retirement and SS checks the first part of each month. I was also able to afford a new car in 2002.
Back in 1999, I had at last been able to access a computer for the first time in my life and immediately began looking for xdubs.......I found exdub chat rooms, groups and forums like H2O and eventually my hostilities against the WTS GB wore off.....I was beginning to heal within.....and I found JWD....my online "home" when I?m not working or sleeping.
I want to let yall know here that I truly and most sincerely appreciate all the info available here and on other exdub websites like Randy?s Freeminds.org..........because my eyes have also been opened to the reality of the WTS being a cult and its devastating effects on its members and their families, whether in or out of the WTS.....and I?ve learned of its deceptions....the UN debacle, along with all the various scriptural discrepancies where their doctrines are concerned....and their hypocrisies of which I was already aware...have been confirmed to me through these websites, as well as the unflagging efforts on the part of posters such as yourselves......to expose the WTS heirarchy and its transgressions. And I?m constantly amazed at the strength of character, the caring, loving, non-judmental attitudes and the many talents the posters on these websites, including JWD (well...especially JWD cause there?s so MANY of yall) continue to manifest towards myself and others like me...and toward all the newbies coming out of the WTS....You should know that you are all loved and appreciated very much.....and not just by myself.
Now that I?ve come to the conclusion of this story....and before I tell yall in my 12 th and final installment what *I* believe was happening to me and why.....why don?t yall take a shot at it?....tell me what *You* think this was all about.