I was df'ed for adultry, within 4 mons of 'the act.' My Dad left me mom, lived with a woman for 4 years, then married her. To this day, he is not df'ed. I am glad he is not, but when I ask him how the hell he got away with it, he says that he told them to get the f off his property and that if they tried to df him, he would sue the ass off of them and create all kinds of problems. Basically a 'stay away from me and I'll stay away from you' kind of threat. It worked. I told him that I told the elders to stay away from me too, give me some time, but that they said that they would df me with or without me at the judicial meeting. Now I wish that I had refused to go to that meeting, stood my ground more, and lied. At the time I took the 'I have nothing to hide' attitude. But I did, my PRIVATE life, that was none of their business. Personally, I also think the 'ol boys club' was in effect as well. Leave the man alone, go after the adultress woman. I wonder about the statistics regarding men vs women that are df'ed for adultry.
Double standards Re: Disfellowshipping
I hate the way they say Jehovah brings things to light when 9 out of 10 times its usually the person committing the "wrongdoing" or someone else witnessing the "wrongdoing" that comes forth and tells. I used to hate that. That's the only way they find out stuff. Nosey people telling on someone when they have the "camel in their eye" complex or from the elders being "sherlock "elder" homes" and following you because your meeting attendance/field service time has dropped. That's the only way they find out stuff. I wonder how many times has Jehovah actually showed them somebody was doing this and you need to talk to them.
I JUST WISH THEY WOULD "THINK" FOR THEMSELVES FOR ONCE IN THEIR LIFE
I'm in the same boat with you. I was inactive for almost an year before I finally decided to go ahead and have the JC meeting. I already knew what the outcome would be, but now for some reason, I guess because I've been going to church and getting a better relationship with GOD I see more how they are a bunch of ________ (fill in the blank with whatever you want to) and want people to believe you are dead if you're not a JW.
I was df'ed for adultry
And serves you right!
RR....be nice, you don't know the circumstances. I'm sure she knows it wasn't something to be proud of.
Basically a 'stay away from me and I'll stay away from you' kind of threat.
And that works many times. I remember a MS in the congregation who was being hassled by the elders for his kids conduct. He told them to mind their damn buisness that he knew how to raise his kids and told them to take a look at their OWN kids who weren't any better. He ALWAYS stood up for himself and they pretty much left him alone. Wimping down to elders is a bad move as they will take every inch you give them.
Its all about how you say it, they get real scared when threatened with lawsuits. But its not always the man who gets away with it and the woman getting punished. I got df'd for fornicating with my then girlfriend, while her elders found there wasn't a case to answer, but then again she was the presiding overseers daughter........
Context is everything:
When abused, some kowtow, others will do anything to make it stop.
I kinda like the idea of not throwing the first stone...
I saw plenty of double standards, especially where an involved couple were from different congregations (as Gadget's example evidences).
It does seem to me that with the recent flurry of "Keep the Congregation Clean" kind of articles, that in recent years (especially over the last couple of decades) things are getting tougher.
Fear appears to be working, for the most part...
RR - I'm shocked. You know that if a JW gets a divorce for any reason other than adultry, gets remarried - then that is considered adultry by the JW's. She could have divorced an abusive a--hole, re-married a wonderful soulmate and been DF'ed for adultry. She didn't say and considering what we know about the JW's methods - we should not judge!!!
And yes the Dbl standards are appalling. My dad was baptized and faded 2 years later. He was a drunk who cheated on my mom more than once. The elders talked about whether to DF him or not and decided not to. Who knows why not. I was 18 and having serious problems - and got DF'ed just like that. Pigs.
She didn't say and considering what we know about the JW's methods - we should not judge!!!
Agreed, though I'm of the opinion that we shouldn't judge anyhow, regardless of the finer details of the "case".
RR - I'm shocked. You know that if a JW gets a divorce for any reason other than adultry, gets remarried - then that is considered adultry by the JW's. She could have divorced an abusive a--hole, re-married a wonderful soulmate and been DF'ed for adultry.
I know one person who was in an abusive marriage, and she separated from her husband because there was 'no grounds' for divorce. She planned to just stay separated that way forever. But a few year later she met a wonderful man (not JW) and she fell in love. But she was not 'free' to remarry. She tried and tried to keep living alone...until one day she decided she deserved some happiness in her life and that God wanted her to be happy at least for a little while in her life, so she moved in with this guy who loved her! They got married soon after. Needless to say, the woman was DF for ADULTRY.
Today, several years later, they are still very much in love and have a beautiful life together. But the woman is not alowed to see her daughter, her grandchildren and her best friends.
I know ANOTHER woman. She was/is very wealthy. VERY wealthy. Bought-all-the-million-dollar-houses-on-her-street-so-she-could-have-a-private-road wealthy. She was a JW and was unhappily married. (I don't know if it was abusive or what.) But she wanted a divorce. So she faded, got a divorce, and faded back in with a new husband and never was even marked, let alone DF.
Double standard for sure, but both were women.
Good point Little Toe. I didn't mean to imply that in some circumstance we should judge. But, for anyone who has been cheated on before (myself included and RR too - it looks like anyway) it is hard not to have hard feelings about it and judge it as bad. Its a very painful thing.