Hellow everyone: There were a number of responses to Justice #15 about the parking lot DFing. I decided to make a new post to deal with these related but different issues.
First, the purpose of the post was not so much about rushing to judgment, but to show that the process is flawed, and the reflective question at the end shows that I was disturbed as to why we allowed these events to develop the way we do, especially over matters that really are not all that serious.
Second, your follow-up comments also bring out some good additional concerns. I will address those that seem to be of greatest concern. Let me know if I miss anyting.
My Ego: One poster said, It seems that as elders, you were hurt by that fact that Sister S did not listen to your counsel, so you had to take some sort of action. While I was upset, I did say in the post that it was due to the frustration of not being able to talk with Sister S, and then the 'worldly' family made that even more difficult. But, my ego was not shattered or bent because she did not follow counsel. In fact, as I stated in my post, we took a new approach and lifted the burden off of her, and supported her decision to either stay at home or live with her grandparents, "to get a new perspective.' As I showed in my post and state again here, we took action in the end because the parents insisted. We did not exercise forethought or strength to stop the JC. Also, I stated that when I got the other Elder, it was my hope to calm the parents, but before I knew it, we were in JC mode.
7 Day Appeal: No, there would be no appeal in this case. She had written two letters, one of them certified, stating her intentions not to be a JW. We should have honoered that as good enough and announced her DA and not DF. The JC action was based on subsequent allegations, and she had opportunity to contact us and seek a meeting, but she chose not to do that. If she had come up to me shortly after learning she was DF and asked for an appeal, we would have granted it, and announced that the DFing was set aside. We have done that before. But, given her intentions, I doubted she would have done that.
My Own Errors: Yes. I made errors, even within the context of JW policy. I did not always know what to do, and would seek out some advice. Before I knew it, a JC was formed and I was on it. One of my earlier post about the young sister we met with, where I chaired the JC, was an example of this.
Although I am experienced and well educated, I am not trained in handling such issues, and I doubt that even professional therapists and counselors would know what to do within the context of Watch Tower policy and procedure. They would be good outside that context, as I would be just using my own common sense. This is the core issue of the WTS JC system ... untrained men applying a system that is not sensible cannot help but screw people over.
Harassment: Harassment was never intended. Also, one poster said that I made two trips to the 'worldly' home. My post clearly states that we made only one trip to the 'worldly' home. I admitted upfront that when I got Sister S first letter, I should have simply complied and made a DA announcement. I made an error. But, somehow, because I had so few real answers, I wanted to at least talk to the girl one last time. One trip to see her, however, doe not constitute harassment.
She did not make the allegation of 'harassment' until after the first and only visit to the 'worldly' home. The allegation was made in a typewritten certified letter in a style and manner inconsistent with what a 17 year old girl would write. [And inconsistent with her personal style and capability.] Therefore, she was obviously coached. To what extent she agreed with [or fully understood] the language of the letter is a matter of debate.
One poster said about me:I think that this case does not show that Jehovah's Witnesses are unloving, but that you were. My motives were in no way unloving. I enjoyed the family and knew the young girl since she was very little. My goal was to take pressure off of her, as we did in our only meeting with her. I wanted to actually take off more pressure so that she would not be shunned by being DA'd. But somehow, given the parents insistence, and my own lack of forethought, we ended up with a JC. Was the result unloving? Yes, by all means and I take a measure of responsibility for that. And if I knew where the girl lived, or if she was still not a JW, I would definitely apoligize to her.
One poster stated, You say that you met as a JC in the parking lot because all rooms were taken. Couldn't you have waited to meet at another time? You hurried because you were pressured by the parents, not because you were following Society guidelines. Don't blame an organization for the mistakes of a few imperfect men, such as yourself.
This poster is correct to a certain degree. Yes we could have waited. Yes, I admitted that we could'a, would'a, and should'a done a lot of things differently. But your point about the organization misses the purpose of the JC series. I don't know if you read much of the first 14 JC posts. But, at the beginning, I posted a Purpose Statement as a foreword to the Series. The entire process from the Watch Tower leadership, their policies, procedures, teaching, doctrine, training, qualifications for appointment, the mid-level management by COs and Dos, and the individual Elders all share blame. Errors from the top get compounded downward and can and often are applied in a very hurtful manner.
The Watch Tower religion should not even be in the business of DFing anyone. Given their extensive legalistic policies and procedures, and the nature of their religious system, it is no wonder that at the bottom we take an already screwed-up system and make it worse!
Keep this VITAL issue in mind: The Watch Tower religion is well aware of these errors. Unless Elders act in a way that could get the parent Watch Tower corporations sued, the Society will turn a blind eye. Why in the HELL do you think they tell JWs to abide by the Elders decisions and counsel, no matter what, even when the JW believes an Elder is in error? The Society does this to place a muzzle on the average JW so that when Elders screw up, the average member will do nothing about it!!! Why? The religion is a fraud and a scam, and the current leadership is just as caught up in their own execrement as were Knorr, Franz, Covington, Rutherford, and Russell. It is all pure unadulterated male bovine excrement!!!
Most Importantly I stress this next point with all my heart. As much as I tried to use good sense and show love and compassion, even getting some reinstated that should not have been DF'd, I too was a part of the problem. I have made this clear at the beginning of this series. I am not out to paint myself as an angel. I was a true believer in a very flawed system. I think I was about as good as any other Elder. But, I am giving honest and forthright facts, even when I too look bad.
My experience as an Elder was typical and average. I have talked with many Elders from other parts of the country during my business travels over the years, and my experiences were no better or worse than most others. Therefore, it IS the ENTIRE Watch Tower religious system that is flawed, from top to bottom.
Where I am at today: I have been away from meetings, service for 9 years. I have been formally DA'd (I have heard anyway) for 6 years. I do not in anyway agree with the JW religion. I am not a member of any religion at all. I cannot accept all of the Bible as literal or necessarily inspired. The Bible seems to have some good history and teachings, but in its current compilation, is a work of men who lived nearly two thousand years ago, and today make up the Roman Catholic Church. The Bible contains much nonsense from a scientific perspective. Some of its historical aspects may not be very accurate. I cannot fathom the thousands of different Christian and Jewish sects. I still have faith in Jesus Christ, and because of that, my faith is held onto by a thin thread.
If I ever get the opportunity to meet any that I participated in DFing, whether I was in error or not, I will apoligize and try to make it up in some way. I have in some cases done this already with those who I knew who have now left the religion, but none yet of any I helped DF. I try to point them toward the fountain of information available. In one case, I took one ex-JW into my home and helped him financially, even though I had no legal obligation, I felt morally obligated. He ended up shafting me for about $2,500. I have not pursued this debt, in part because I have accepted that it is a small price to pay to try and be of help now.
I do not have to sit on these forums and expose anything, or expend considerable time, or engage in helping to expose the pedophile issue, or give presentations at ex-JW conferences, or anything else. I do it, because I want to help others get a life, and in someway make up for any wrongs I may have committed as a JW and especially as an Elder, whether those wrongs were because of the system or my own stupidity at the time.
Last, but not least: I too have been harmed by the same system in many ways that I cannot even begin to count here before you. I too deserve some restitution by the same system that hurt me. My children were likewise in danger at times from pedophiles, and we had a close call that I will discuss in Justice #16, Molesters Under Every Rock. So as I stand as a former JW and former Elder, guilty of some of the wrongs imposed, I too stand as a victim. In my humble opinion, the JW religion is in one great big goddamn mess. [btw: I once heard a CO use that same expression from the platform at a Circuit Assembly when referring to the Roman Catholic Church.]
Anyway, I think I have summed up things pretty much. I definitely appreciate all your comments and questions. This is good and healthy to hash out this stuff so that we can all see realistic dynamics of the JW religion and the impact on those of us who have left it. - Amazing