...dilemma? My husband's ex-wife(a baptized JW) has been sending hateful messages with his children(a 4 and 10-year-old), whenever they come to visit us. (I'm expecting), and she says hateful things about our unborn child to her children, and sometimes they repeat things they overhear her say about me and the baby. Ofcourse she denies everything when confronted, but we know better. Do you think it's possible for me to report her to the "elders" at her congregation, or should I just continue to ignore her and pretend it doesn't hurt?
Help...How should I handle this...
What are the elders going to say? "Stop it"?
should I just continue to ignore her and pretend it doesn't hurt?
Why should you have to pretend? Tell her how it makes you feel and how it effects your children.
Then punch her in the nose.
It's worth a shot...if they are decent guys, they might actually try to do something about it, but all they really can do is have a talk with her.
The other thing you can do is tell her to stop or your husband will sue for full custody. Judges hate to hear about parents involving the children in their divorce disputes, and will usually judge against them. It is extremely unhealthy for the children. It's bad enough their parents are not together, but then to hear disparaging remarks from one of them about the other can be very damaging.
They're your husband's children, right? He should be talking with her about ending the notes to you (and him) and the negative comments to the children. Is he an ex-JW? Is there an elder that knows him and her and might be helpful? BTW, don't her handwritten notes constitute some kind of proof?
(Thought long and hard about that answer, eh, Joker10?)
Just remember that the elders will consider you a 'pagan' and take your words accordingly.
How's your relationship with your step-kids? I would be tempted to talk with the children and make them feel like this pregnancy is about them too -- after all, they're going to have a little brother or sister around the house soon! What can they do to help, to make them feel like a part of your new family?
Conquer with love. Tell the children when the remarks hurt you and ask them how they would feel if they knew someone said that about them when they were inside their mother? And then hug them and tell them that they are lucky to have TWO moms to help take care of them, instead of just one.
Now, if the kids are little brats who are taking delight in making problems, then dump this one on your husband and tell him that this is way too stressful for you to handle during your pregnancy. Ask for permission to help with the discipline of the kids when they are at YOUR house so that the children will have consistency and not be able to play one off the other.
Hope this helps!
Try to settle it without emotion or rancor or escalation. Meanwhile, accumulate evidence. It's unlikely, but people
can be disfellowshipped for slander or reviling.
ignore her, cause it is just mean, and not worthy or healthy to get into any confrontation (bad faith, bad manor, bad feelings in the way)
You could point out to them that a recent WT article discussed grieving the spirit and that things like gossip, slander, and hurtful talk are just as grevious as are 'serious' sins like adultery, etc. Of course, we all know that in the WT world gossip and slander are typically looked at as a 'people will be people' issue and not dealt with at all....