Can I withdraw a Disassociation?

Woman know your place

Hello,

I'm new to the site, and wonder can anyone advise me....

Two years ago I decided to leave the JWs, and when I met with the elders to inform them, they told me they had grounds to disfellowship me (I told them I doidnt believe in God and had slept with my boyfriend.....for full story see my profile). At the time I thought that telling them would just mean that I could get on with my life and they would know that I was not a JW... I thought that you could only DF a person who wilfully sinned against God.... well I didnt believe in God, so how could I wilfully sin against him?

Anyway, as I said, the elders wanted to DF me, and, not wanting to be seen as a sinner, I wrote a letter of disassociation detailing my reasons for not believing ahead of the DFing.

So did the elders have grounds to DF me? Is being known as a JW and breaking the rules enough reason, even though I did not believe?

Can I withdraw a letter of disassociation? Or do I have to be reinstated? If so, how long does it usually take to get reinstated, and how long do I need to wait before 'fading away'?.... No one in my congregation or the congregations neary had ever been DFd or DAd so I don't know how it works, and of course I got rid of all my literature when I left.

I should have faded away in the first place, but I hadn't realised the consequences of my meeting with the elders... the reason I want to withdraw the disssociation is that my two little brothers can't have contact with me, and I miss them desperately...

Does anyone have any advice? Whilst I feel strongly opposed to the JW belief, I'm willing to swallow my pride if it means I can see my little brothers again... one thing I believe is that family comes before everything else, unlike the JW belief...

Woman know your place

P.S. folks.... I was baptized at 12... can I debate with the elders whether I was truly capable of making a life decision at that age, or is this approach futile?

Thanks!

Yerusalyim

Yes, if you don't believe in God and admited that to them, they had grounds to DF you.

Question...WHY BOTHER?

Woman know your place

As I said..... because I miss my little brother sand want to see them

mineralogist

The only way would be to get reinstated, which could last very long! I was told by an exJW it would take in that particular congregation for this person FIVE years!

... or maybe the JWs you want to meet don't care about your status

Woman know your place

Bugger!

I was so depressed, angry and confused at the time that I really went about leaving in the wrong way...

Unfortunately, my 17 year old brother is now a regular pioneer, and refuses to take my calls.... although when once I called and he tolld me he couldnt speak to me, I said I loved him and he said he loved me too, before hanging up. I really don't foresee him leaving, he hasn't an ounce of rebellion in him.

As for my half-brother, he's only five and there's no way my mother will let me near him.... he was three when I left so will probably not even remember me....

Sirona

HI and Welcome to the forum!

You have a couple of options. Firstly you could speak to the person who is preventing you from seeing your family. Is that your parent? Could you explain to them how you feel and how you are not wicked? If they're not staunch JWs then they might see your point. Explain that you didn't know the consequences of your baptism and simply want to live a decent life and not attend.

Secondly I'd say that there is NO possibility of the elders saying that you are now not DA'd, unless you choose to get reinstated. The only way to get reinstated is to attend all the meetings and tell them you are repentant and that you do believe it. That is the only way to get back "in".

The second option isn't worth it, IMO. It could take you 6-9 months of attending 3 x a week and grovelling and lying about your beleifs and then after that it could take you another 6 months to successfully fade.

I faded and some JWs ignore me as though I was DF anyway.

Sorry you're going through this. JWs are a cult and unfortunately this is the consequence of ever having been involved with them.

Sirona

Lehaa

I was just recently disfellowshipped and the elders said that if i continued to show that I was repentent and continues being a good little girl and came to the meetings then I could be reinstated within a few months.

That's the latest Idea her anyway.

What actually happens may be different though, don't know.

My advice is just to speak to the elders in your local area and see what they have to say. You will probably have to lie as to the reasons for getting reinstated though.

Fe2O3Girl

Hello Woman!

Welcome to the board. I think from your profile and location we have a friend in common. She is a very bright young lady who lives in Belfast and got in touch with you through the "XJW Support Board".

All the best with your family.

Rachel xx

Woman know your place

Thanks for your replies....

It's my mother who's really stopping me from seeing my little brothers... she calls me very occasionally (about 5 times since I was DA'd) with a 'business' matter to discuss... you know how they say if there are business or familt matters, then limited contact is allowed.... so she'll call me of she get's a letter addressed to me etc and then start asking about how I'm doing, then get anxious and have to hang up.... I don't see her leaving as she desperately needs the religion... she had a very tough life and met her first JW, who studied with her, in hospital shortly after her second suicide attempt....

Just before I was DA'd, she told me she had to 'protect her children' from me, so she couldnt allow me to see them...

So then, it looks like I'll have to get reinstated if i want to see them again..... there is a chance that in a year or so I could get a transfer with work to another country.... maybe a year beforehand I could start the process of gettig reinstated, then move away and let them think i was attending meetings in my new country.... at least I could then talk to them on the phone and go visit them..... i hate being deceitful but I love my brothers so much, I can't bear the thought of never seeing them again....

Can I withdraw a Disassociation?

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