Does unkind talks make you a better person?

by beroea 21 Replies latest jw friends

• 

  beroea

  Does unkind talks make you a better person?

  I notice a tendency to use very rough words describing each other and their posts. Why is that way? Some may think that if we can make other people thing unworthy we are the ones on the top. So we look down at others. Some or us from Europe not using English daily are maybe using the language in at funny way to.

  Why not just start looking at your own. How are you as a person deep inside - and how is the best way to get on going? If we look at others with positive eyes we maybe forget our own troubles.

  Live after loosing the “faith” and try to find a new platform in live isn’t easy and a lot of disappointing things are to follow, but we must try to look at life with positive eye and not just feel sorrow.

  Bereoa
• 

  Amazing

  Hi beroea: I agree with you that some comments and language is rather rough at times. I have used a few expletives myself. But, as JWs even our language and style of expression was very controlled. So, when some JWs leave the religion, they 'break loose' so to speak and stretch out their mental arms, and experiment wil all sorts of speech. Some are angry, some hurt, some feel that use of rough language helps drive home a point. Some use it to be humorous, such as in using parody mixed with roughed language. Other see the humor intended, and some take offense.

  I find that the written word, especially on posts where we often type out a thought in a hurry, can and do lack all the other normal communication tool, such as facial expression, body language, tone of voice, eye movement, etc. I have learned to try to look past what seems like anger, foul language, and even obvious insults, and try to see what the person is really saying. Sometimes I have to post back to them with several questions.

  Some posts are obviously very obnoxious and do not require any reflective evaluation. I let the Forum operator decide to remove filthy posts or lock the threads. And if the post is bad enough, I simply don't respond and move on to something else. No response can work well.

  There have been times I have responded and tried to add some positive influence and show understanding, but that only works when a person is really a good person and will see that they can make some adjustments. But I too have been guilty of some strong language and insulting posts. At times I get into a bad mood and fire something negative off at someone.

  I think that the vast majority here do a good job, and when they have erred, they apologize. The board operator does not seem to have to take action very often, and that is good and is reflective of people rising to the ocassion and being responsible most of the time.

  Sometimes, some have too much to drink and make some wild posts they regret later. And they too are good about making an apology. We all have learned that it is best not to get too concerned, and withhold judgment, and work things out. - Amazing
• 

  Yerusalyim

  Beroea,

  How's this for unkind talks, "BITE ME!"
  (Sorry, I couldn't resist)

  Actually, most folks in here are ok with the language and stuff.

  YERUSALYIM
  God is truth, and light his shadow.

  Plato
• 

  Lindy

  Yeah...what Amazing said.

  You get to know who's who after a while and how they "talk", who they are. Then you choose to talk to them or not. I try to take into consideration the full range of possibilities where someone might be coming from. We all loose it and make mistakes but most see that and will apologize.
  Like amazing said, some ya just ignore.

  Lindy
• 

  thinkers wife

  Again Borea,
  I totally agree with you. But also some of the things the other posters on this thread said I feel are true.
  But I for one, feel there was enough abuse within the WT, to last for a lifetime!! And it is difficult to deal with it elsewhere sometimes! Avoiding the really vile things I guess is our best defense!
  TW
• 

  bobsyone

  I wonder if it is because that is what we learnt as a JW. I noticed this a lot in the congregation and my exhusband never said nice things to anyone or about anyone ....

  I have had the chance to look at a lot of places where xjws post and I see that it is so easy for them to attack others who don't agree with them. They don't discuss the differences only attack the person which is what happened in the congregation too. Even the magazines are like this.

  I don't think it is hard to be kind to each other even if we don't agree.
• 

  Abaddon

  I see this as breaking down into several facets.

  1/ This place is Liberty Hall; Come on in, wipe your feet, and call the cat a bastard.

  I say this as in comparison to other sites that have a more cozy friendly style.

  This has it's pro's and con's. People who are disruptive here really don't get noticed that much, and if they do it's just them being treated in kind.

  In a more sedate environment it would be different. The more disruptive ones would get fragged, barred, whatever.

  I post here in a more, er, direct style than at other xJW sites. I like that. If it were quieter, I would be too. I'm sure there are others who like the 'in-ya-face-bo-ya' stuff too.

  So, given the atmosphere of the site, it is not surprising it gets heated at times. Discussions in bars tend to be more heated than in tea rooms.

  2/ There is also the cult left over stuff. JW's hate being wrong. They often feel they can state their beliefs and not provide a real comprehensive arguement, doing the smug 'we have the truth' grin.

  Alternately they can argue in ever increasingly convoluted fashions. I'm terrible when it comes to this. But not as bad as I used to be!!

  3/ Validation and common ground. If you can appreciate how people feel, or have some common ground with them, then you're not going to have a major arguement. If you think that their opinion is stupid or barbaric, then you're gonna have an arguement. Classic examples; gun control, the death penalty, and a good current example is the Buger thread.

  4/ Finally, there is the online experience thing. Some people have been online ages. They don't take the heat as seriously as newbies.
• 

  Prisca

  I feel that there is too much negativity in the world, only to add even more, especially on this DB, where many former witnesses come to heal.

  It is considered good manners to consider the feelings of others, but unfortunately it is becoming a more common practice for posters to say whatever they want, no matter how rude or obnoxious.

  bobsyone said :
  

  it is so easy for them to attack others who don't agree with them. They don't discuss the differences only attack the person

  That method of attack comes from those who don't have the substance to counter the evidence presented. Instead, it is easier to attack the person, casting slurs and personal insults. Rather than attacking the message, they attack the messager.

  Maybe we should consider what Simon - the owner of this DB said :
  

  I agree that there is too much profanity on this board at the moment, too many insults and name calling which doesn't make it the welcoming or supportive place I would want it to be*

  Since Simon went to all the trouble of setting up this place so that we can associate here, wouldn't it be appropriate that we consider how he would like us to behave on his board??

  *the quote can be found at http://www.jehovahs-witness.com/forum/thread.asp?id=7244&page=2&site=3
• 

  natred

  beroea,
  I dont know what the fuck you are talking about,
  Your post is utterly fucking tedious, try buying a bloody dictionary.
  I really dont know what is wrong with you wasting your pathetic time
  on a ridiculous fucking post like that piece of bullshit.
  Kiss my goddamned hairy ass

  ;-)
• 

  Kent

  Hi beroea.

  I notice a tendency to use very rough words describing each other and their posts. Why is that way?

  I’m afraid this is something we can never avoid, and something that will constantly happen. Why is that, you ask. Well, we’re humans, beroea. As Amazing said, “Some are angry, some hurt, some feel that use of rough language helps drive home a point. Some use it to be humorous, such as in using parody mixed with roughed language. Other see the humor intended, and some take offense.”

  When we were inside the Watchtower walls, we should all be speaking the “clean language”, and we were forced to use “theocratic” words. In short, we were not permitted to say what we did feel or think, and we walked around as zombies. Hypocrites that smiled and waved, often to people we personally did feel were scum of the earth. But the Watchtower Nazi-regime forced us to behave in a certain way. “Rough words” were something reserved for the Watchtower and its henchmen, and the rest of us should keep in line.

  When we can speak freely many of us don’t see any reason for hiding anger, disgust or even rage. Some will even express hatred, and lots of people will be hurt. Fact is, we’re all different, and different people will behave differently. What is OK by one person won’t be with another. Some would like the “cozy feeling” – while others prefer to relate to real life and real emotions.

  Some may think that if we can make other people thing unworthy we are the ones on the top. So we look down at others. Some or us from Europe not using English daily are maybe using the language in at funny way to.

  To use “offensive” language isn’t the same as looking down on others. I, and I guess everybody else, do “look down upon” certain people. This is a human reaction, and I believe everybody is guilty in this “crime” one time or the other. But it’s a fact that some of us doesn’t have English as our language, and we don’t use it often enough to be real good at it. Lots of words are unknown to us, and especially local dialects, expressions, and words that for us seems ok but might be interpreted as offensive may be used unintentionally.

  Why not just start looking at your own. How are you as a person deep inside - and how is the best way to get on going? If we look at others with positive eyes we maybe forget our own troubles.

  Well – an idiot is an idiot, whether he’s Norwegian, American, Polish, Red, Green, Blue or Black. I for once don’t use to turn the other cheek. The only ones who do is the ones walking around with black eyes most of the time – or the ones feeling sorry for themselves 99% of the time. Problems do NOT disappear just because we pretend they are not there. Problems needs to be solved, they simply don’t go away just because we want them to – or because we try to live in a “spiritual paradise”. Either they are solved – or they pop up every now and then – a little more nasty every time.

  Live after loosing the “faith” and try to find a new platform in live isn’t easy and a lot of disappointing things are to follow, but we must try to look at life with positive eye and not just feel sorrow.

  I won’t protest to that, my friend. I don’t know if life becomes more difficult after loosing the “faith” – but it’s hard to loose the social network. When all your so called “friends” suddenly hate you over night and your own family shuns you. Then you need to find new friends, and my experience is the friends I do find OUTSIDE the Watchtower are better friends than the ones inside.

  As a tool to find new friends Internet is fantastic. Personally I have found lots of friends online, and some of those are my best friends today. This doesn’t mean we never quarrel, or that we always agree to everything. To the contrary! One example of that was when Farkel was real pissed off by one of my comments, and Farkel is a good friend. Norm is one of my best friends ever, but I know few people that talks to me like Norm does! He can tell me I’m the biggest sucker and asshole in the world, a bloody moron that shouldn’t be allowed loose in the streets. But the I listen, because I know he doesn’t say that to hurt me – but to express in a way I can’t miss that I do behave as a moron.

  I guess what I mean to say is that I agree we should be positive – but we should also learn how to disagree on VIEWS. Disagreeing isn’t bad – it’s life!

  So, my friend. Thanks for your thoughts. I am happy you offered your views on this subject. You’re a new and “fresh” so to speak voice here – and I hope you will keep on commenting.

  Yakki Da

  Kent

  "The only difference between God and Adolf Hitler is that God is more proficient at genocide."

  Daily News On The Watchtower and the Jehovah's Witnesses:
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