Amber, Trevyn, and B.

by bebu 11 Replies latest jw experiences

  • bebu

    I apologize that this doesn't relate to JW issues. Not fluff, but just a little to share about the girl in my avatar, my daughter "B."

    Six years ago we lived in Michigan for a year. While my husband attended a special residency, I stayed home watching after our 2 young boys. I?d thought about volunteering, but discovered quickly that I had volunteer work in my backyard. Literally.

    The apartment complex we lived in had a large, shared yard?very pretty, actually. And I could see from our living room that 2 small children down the hill from us did not have consistent care.

    These 2 children were cousins who lived in the same house with their moms, who were sisters. The 4-year old girl was Amber, her 2-year old cousin was a boy, Trevyn. And I grew to love these wonderful children a lot. I had no difficulties with watching them while the one who was supposed to watch them slept from exhaustion instead. So I wasn?t in any way a martyr.

    Amber was like something out of a fairy tale. She would often come outside in outlandish outfits that she found in her mom?s dresser (occasionally, a teddy bear nightie), and dance around like a ballerina. She would come out dressed in underwear, but seem to be impervious to the cold. She had bright blue eyes and freckles. Amber was full of imagination. She laughed easily, she trusted easily. She was like a light butterfly.

    I yearned to have a daughter for myself like Amber. Until I met Amber, I?d only thought that girls like her were exaggerations in storybooks. She could have been a fairy from Hans Christian Andersen?s stories. She was enchanting!

    Also, Amber seemed completely unperturbed by all the freedom she was given in her day while her mother slept for hours from anti-depressants: Amber had witnessed an attempted rape of her mother the year prior, by a serial-rapist. It was Amber who had ended up actually creating a distraction (crying) by which the mother used to escape (and the rapist ended up being caught and sentenced, by the way, identified in court by Amber?s mom). Yet the trauma which paralyzed her mother did not affect Amber, thankfully. Amber lived in her own happy little world, humming, singing, and dancing. Amber was a gem. I reflexively prayed for a little girl someday, just like Amber.

    Trevyn was 2, the same age as my younger son. These 2 boys both had speech problems at that age. My son could speak?but wouldn?t. Trevyn couldn?t speak well at all. Very naturally they played silently together, never arguing, but completely understanding each other just as if they were talking telepathically. (Quiet children with no arguing? --So of course I enjoyed this boy!) I had no problems serving him lunch, or giving him naps, or just treating him as my own son while his mother, expecting a 2 nd child, worked graveyard shift and then dozed off from sheer exhaustion while she was supposed to be watching him during the day. I could not change that lady?s situation, but I could help her son. Oh, he was a absolutely beautiful boy, with electric blue eyes, and a shock of blond hair. His face and hands were always grubby, but when he smiled it was like the sun shining. Trevyn was another gem!

    Now it is 6 years later. I now have a daughter the same age as Amber was at that time, and somehow God has given me both Amber and Trevyn in this girl.

    B. is developmentally delayed in speech; she babbles with little words and phrases in the mix. She still can?t answer the questions, "How old are you?" Or, "What is your name?" properly. She answers completely out of context (Me:"Are you happy, B.?" B.: "Chicken!") She gets speech therapy at the developmental preschool she attends. She is a bit of Trevyn here, taking a lot of time and patience to decipher, and realizing that since her developmental clock is ticking slower, there is nothing to be done but wait and enjoy the time with her.

    B. is like Amber, too, and totally unlike my boys. B. is like a poster child for innocence and sweetness. She is still unsophisticated in her dealings with everyone. She completely loves and completely trusts. She loves to dance like a ballerina, and pretend that she is one of many different animals, and she squeals and laughs like Amber. When she gets on the school bus, she stands out as the sparkling, cheerful child among all the shy and almost sorrowful-looking children (they are tired, I believe). She has no idea that she should be anything but happy, so she is. And goodness, what a cute girl she is... My husband occasionally gets caught giving to her what he shouldn?t and his embarassed excuse is, "How can I say no to such a cute, sweet little girl like that?" B. is a real gem, too.

    I know that B. will grow up and be as sophisticated as Amber is now, wherever she is. That she will speak as clearly as Trevyn should be speaking now... I will be somewhat sad, actually, when that time comes.

    I believe this now: your clock was probably set slow for my sake, B...

  • Lehaa


    What a lovely experience, Thank you so much for sharing it with us.

    I don't consider it as fluff, It's beautiful.

    Give your beautiful kids a kiss and hug from me.

    Lehaa. Mother of two.

  • Special K
    Special K

    Hi Bebu

    Wonderful sharing here. Sort of a reflection back and then forward of something very precious to me and your too..children.

    I guess I'm just a bit jealous that you don't live near by. First lure was your desire to help your neighbour see that the truth is not the truth, second was your coffee, and now it's that I find you to be such a consistent person in what you believe is good in all, especially the little children.

    You are also gem to realize that not everybody's clock runs at the same speed. Loving the human clock for its uniqueness is far better than always trying to make it run as fast or slow like all the rest.

    I know you have read shotguns posts about his and my childhood and I've often wondered what it would have been like to be raised in a loving home... right now your home comes to mind as being just that.

    take care bebu and for heavens sake never stop being You..


    Special K

  • Sunspot


    What a wonderful way to start my day!!! This is the first post I chose when I logged on, and it couldn't have been more beautiful!

    You have many awesome gifts, Bebu----your gift in writing something like this is terrific, the descriptions of these little ones just came alive in the telling! Your gift of warmth and pure "heart" shined through as well. It's a pleasure to "know" you, even if only by an electronic marvel in my home!

    The most shining "gem" in the post---was YOU!

    Forgive the somewhat sappy and flowery speech, but I was truly touched by your post and wanted to tell you!



  • Emma

    Bebu, what wonderful writing. Thank you for sharing this story with us. I'm sure you will have a long-lasting impact on those two children and their mom's. Any possibility of you finding them?


  • bebu


    When they moved, they left no forwarding address. I kept looking for them for some time but to no avail. Now I can't remember either mother's last name. I hope something will come back to me some day!!

    Here is another pic, a trio from a scanner. My son and Trevyn, Amber and Trevyn, and the hill outside our backdoor--with their apt. on the left. ...It was a site to look out there and see a girl dancing around in Michigan cold weather in a swimsuit or a stolen negligee for dressup... (It was hard to convince her that she needed to change clothes! )

    I'm having difficulty with the attachment... it'll come as soon as it's allowed by the system...

  • ApagaLaLuz

    Wonderful! Wonderful!! Thanks for sharing this with us. We need more people like you in the world who are up for such challenges.

  • bebu

    BTW, y'all wrote such kind comments but... I posted this not to tease nice comments from you--really!! ...Now, if I'd started volunteering at school or something as I'd been thinking, THAT would have been rougher and more challenging than what I actually ended up doing. These kids were really a cinch, and I loved their company.

    I used to be completely cynical about all those sweet, fluffy girl things. I used to hate "Barbie pink". Now I'm a total pushover, thanks to Amber and B! Please don't use this info against me!!


  • Nathan Natas
    Nathan Natas

    Thank you for the posting, Bebu.

    Like many others, I found myself caring about Amber and Trevyn and your precious B.

    Best wishes to you all, and to Amber and Trevyn, wherever they might be.

  • shotgun

    I bet your favorite letter is Bebu

    Wonderfully conveyed so that it touches all who read about these children and their parents.

    Thanks for sharing that with us.

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