by Dawn 13 Replies latest jw friends
After many many conversations with my family I've come to the conclusion that some people just WANT to be a witness. They need that security of being told all the answers - of having their decisions made for them - and the tight social group they're involved in.
The truth is - it's much harder when you don't have all the answers and you have to think for yourself. I guess some people just aren't ready to face that.
Yes, good insight. I know those in there who couldn't imagine doing anything else. The whole JW experience has become so a part of their identity I fear if they ever found out what it was really about the shock would be too great for them. The denial state of mind is their protection from the realities they are unable to face in life. Been there done that and got shocked to my senses in the end.
A couple of months ago someone posted the following line which was quite insightful:
"You can lead a JW to the truth, but you can't make him think".
I suppose it's like being religiously institutionalised - nice and safe where everything makes sense and all the hard decisions are made for you.
FF
A while back I wrote something with this in mind. My mother grew up in a highly dysfunctional abusing controlling family. The WTS is "normal" to her. It tells her what to feel and think and do and tells her everything she does is not good enough and that she would be nothing without them.
What I wrote earlier is pasted below with the link to the actual thread
Only the strong survive
I really think that some people are not strong enough to leave. I know my mother isn't. And it has devastated the lives of my siblings to have left and still believe it is the truth. My sister cannot even consider the possibility that she was lied to. She has been out since she was 15 years (she is 41 yrs old now) old but still believes it to be true. She has punished herself in a multitude of ways for leaving "the truth" but will not stop to think that maybe her self-punishment was for nothing. I wonder how many "punish" themselves with depression, addictions, self-harming behaviors etc. for leaving a lying, controlling, manipulative organization like the JWs - just a thought
I think it takes a special strength to look at everything you have been taught and everything you believe in critically, and then when realizing it isn't what you were told it was, to walk away.
We walk away from our family and our friends. We walk away from our beliefs and community. We walk away from the faith we have held on to that gave us a sense of who were and made us feel special and set us apart from the rest of the world. Sometimes we leave our children behind too.
It hurts to discover we have been betrayed and lied to. It hurts to wake up and find out it is all smoke-screen. And it hurts to not be able to get others to listen.
Many of us stayed because we believed we were weak. I too felt like a weak person. I had no idea of what strength lay inside of me. People told me I was strong but I never believed it because I never felt like it.
The greatest strength I have found in myself and in others is the strength to step out into the unknown. Abuse victims think it is weak to not be able to tolerate abuse. They think they must be weak to not leave. And paradoxically they are told they are weak if they do leave. For years upon years we were told we were weak - weak spiritually, weak emotionally, weak mentally, and for some weak physically. Demand upon demand - endlessly, that we were expected to keep up with. And we were told that we were weak for not keeping up to those unrealistic expectations - part of the mind control.
Many women stay in abusive relationship because they are too afraid to step out into the unknown. Often they are told by their abuser that others will not be as good to them or loving or kind as their abuser. That sounds familiar.
Victims are often told no one else would want them. That sounds familiar too. Implanted with fears of the unknown, victims are paralyzed from action. They believe they are weak because they have been told they are weak. They believe it is safer to stay with what is familiar - they know how to handle it
And at what they feel is their weakest - when they know they cannot take what they have and live with anymore, they take that step into the unknown. Scary - terrifying - full of people and situations they know nothing of -- but they take that step.
I was DFed at the lowest point of my life. I could have gone back to what was familiar. I could have gone back to what I knew best and sat at the back of the KH and be ignored and thought I was strong for doing that and been priased for it. But since when is debasing yourself a sign of strength? To stay would have destroyed any trace of hope I had left. So I stepped out into the unknown. Not because I felt strong but because I felt and believed I was too weak to stay.
The reality was that stepping into the unknown WAS the strength.
And from what I see strength lies in every one here who has been taught that they are weak.
We need to change the thinking. Black is white and white is black. Reframe the beliefs because what we were taught was all lies.
Only the strong survive.
In my darkest hours I thought I had no strength.
In my deepest pain I thought there was no hope.
But I did survive. I may still be looking for a new belief but in the meantime...
Only the strong survive.
We are surviving. Some of us are actually thriving
Hi folks, it just seems a shame that you conclude it is those weak who want to be Witnesses. Surely you must know how much strength it takes every week to want to go face-to-face with all sorts of people with all sorts of anti-God, anti-faith, anti-anything attitudes. Please re-consider your meaning of 'weak' as applicable to the brothers and sisters. Cheers, gdt
A lot of people understand there are consequences for just not wanting to be a JW after learning the truth about the truth(tm)....even though it compromises their integrity. Huge consequences....
They find it simpler to keep their built in friends and don't want to be "shunned"...they can't fathom how to "start over"...it is a fear that has been instilled since every meeting. They fear without the meetings they will "die at Armageddon). The mind control has worked!
Funny thing...when we study with people before baptism, we tell them that is what their family will do to them when they study with JW's...it's reverse situation!
When they are ready to learn the truth about the truth(tm), when their rose colored glasses come off.....will be a "defining point" for them. It could be a very simple act of unkindness or some major tradegy in their life when they didn't receive the "love" they were promised.
Codeblue
it's much harder when you don't have all the answers and you have to think for yourself
I've said the same thing myself many times about the JW's, Dawn. I think it's especially true of those who have been in a long time. It's like the decision-making part of the brain atrophies or something.
you must know how much strength it takes every week to want to go face-to-face with all sorts of people
gdt, if your beliefs are what you say they are, then you shouldn't have to muster up the strength to "want to go". Maybe you are denying what was said on this thread because it makes you sound like a victim. Because in all reality that's what common publishers in the congregations are, victims. The people on this site have chosen not to be victimized anymore.
Ciara
Hey Dawn! Hope you're doing well.
I completely agree with what you said. In fact one of the first things my mom said after I told her I wasn't going to meetings was that I'd be wandering and looking for answers indefinitely. It is much easier when you know the answer to everything! But I'd take thinking for myself over that any day.
Surely you must know how much strength it takes every week to want to go face-to-face with all sorts of people with all sorts of anti-God, anti-faith, anti-anything attitudes
Yes, I remember the courage it took as a young person to knock on doors and hope to no end that one of my classmates would not open the door because I also remember the courage it took to endure the teasing and ridicule at school. But I was young and did what I was told out of fear. Do you really think its strength that allows adult JW to avoid doing research into their religion cult? Is my mom strong for shunning me for the past 18 years despite Jesus' teachings about love and forgiveness. I don't think its strength - I think she's brainwashed and would probably have a nervous breakdown if she knew the truth about the truth.
