Can anyone help me? Loved one being torn away

by heart broken 33 Replies latest jw friends

• 

  Lehaa

  I was a JW sister and got involved in a relationship with a guy that was not. It was really serious and we had spoken about getting married, i could not commit, there was to much guilt involved. In the end we both had out hearts broken.

  he ended up leaving the state to join the army. Now the reasons that i endede the relationship are irrelevent. I caught up with him recently, we still love each other but a relationship now is impossible.

  If i could go back and do it again I would have left the JW religion, and my family(my parents are no longer witnesses), and married him.

  Each case is very different. If you want to talk feel free to PM me and i will be happy to answer any of your questions.
• 

  prgirl79

  You are getting really good advice and i hope you listen. A lot of times we let our emotions get in the way you need to know you can't change things and you have to know when to let go. I was the non-jw with a disfellowshipped jw. There are a lot of former posts regarding this and it all says the same thing. I was with him for 5 years believe me your heart will be broken, you will have used a lot of energy and it is draining. The guilt that is put on them the rules. Having children with her would be even worse. I urge you to do your research on this cult. there are really good sites like www.freeminds.org wwww.jwfiles.com, and books one being Steve Hassan Combatting Cult Mind Control.
• 

  Emma

  What you need to understand is that the wt has "two sets of scales." They will print one set of rules for non-witnesses and those interested to which there may be a tiny bit of truth. When you're one of them, the standards change and the rules and penalties are much stiffer.

  You may also be told that we lie, that we are apostates and are out to harm the wt and true believers. This is, of course, not true, but if you're not with them, you're against them.

  It's a near impossible situation since your heart is involved, and it will be difficult for you to find people who are involved with the wt to give you the truth; it's a grave offence to say anything negative about the org. That's why you won't find an active jw who will speak truthfully. That, in itself, should be a clue to the truth.

  Wishing you the best,

  Emma
• 

  Sunspot

  I'm sorry that you're in this dilemma, and unfortunately the outcome does not look good if you stay with her.

  Along with everything that has been said here, there is yet another factor to consider. When a JW marries a nonJW, the JW is then looked down upon, and is considered what the JWs call "weak". NO ONE wants to come under this label and it means the JW has to "work" very hard to "prove" that they are NOT weak, and to get back in the good graces of the congregation for going against the WTS counsel not to marry an "unbeliever".

  They have to go out in the door-to-door more often, be at EVERY meeting and be "prepared" with the answers underlined in the publications and be ready to answer out loud if she's called on to do so.....and many other more subtle things as well. It's really a terrible situation to be in---alog with all the outward "don'ts" that you will never be able to enjoy.

  I don't know how much she has discussed her religion with you, but if you could ask her about being seen as "weak" and what this would mean to her and if she could deal with it, maybe you should just put it all down on the table and examine things that could potentially ruin a marriage like this.

  I wish you the best, whatever you decide to do---keep us updated on what's going on, okay?

  Hugs,

  Annie
• 

  Gerard

  Unless she is already on her way out, RUN!
• 

  Doubtfully Yours

  Do you ever want to have a heart that's healed and not broken, or do you want to continue to live up to your user name?! Please run on the opposite direction than your JW friend then.

  DY
• 

  Tacky

  Let's not forget to bring to light the fact that your new love will be required to bring you into the organization if she is to remain in good graces, or atleast attempt to do so. She will try with all of her might to make you see *THE TRUTH* and make you into a good little JW to sit beside her at the meetings and spend the rest of your life toiling for the congregation. You will take your turn going door to door and giving talks at the Tuesday night bookstudy.

  Can you image the strain on your relationship if you've invested all of this time and emotion into a relationship and trying to stay nuetral with her beliefs being so fricking wacked out and then she lays on you that you need to come to the meetings with her and study with an elder so that you two can be together? WW!

  I know you think that you love this woman, but you are so naieve as to what you are getting into. Please if you love her then you will let her go. Because if you don't you will both be miserable for a long time...

  Good luck...
• 

  Carmel

  you will be considered "unevenly yoked" a term that is for oxen.. you will be treated with less regard than that affiable farm animal..

  ultimately, either she sees the light or you two will eventually regret you ever met. believe me, I have not personally experianced but have had friends who did and they were so distraught, one even committed suicide..

  good luck

  carmel
• 

  Mary

  The trouble is, I am not prepared to become a JW, however, I DO NOT want her to disassociate herself the JW's as she has no reason to

  Unfortunately, these two statements are like oil and water: they'll never mix. If she did decide to marry you, she'd be treated like garbage from everyone else in the congregation for deliberately going against the Borg's "advice" not to marry a "worldly" person. What would you do at Christmas time, or at Easter, seeing as Witnesses can get disfellowshipped for celebrating these "pagan" holidays? What about birthdays, Mothers and Fathers Day? all a big no-no. If you had kids, would they be raised as Witnesses? What about when they go to school? Would you want them to be humiliated and have to stand outside the door for Opening Exercises? They wouldn't be able to participate in anything fun if they were Witnesses.

  Unless your girlfriend is willing to leave the Organization, I'd say your chances of marriage and happiness are almost non-existent.

  Sorry.
• 

  Miss_MG

  I agree with what everything that has been said but your biggest concern would be if you did get married and had childern they would suffer terribly being brought up in a very restrictive cult.