I've burned all my literature :) I live in a city of 500 thousand people so it's easy to avoid them. Maybe I should get around to sorting my Medicare card so I can get cheap psych visits again, unless our idiot bloody national leaders haven't cut mental health from the budget.
My mother says I should just DA already.
by Julia Orwell 50 Replies latest jw experiences
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zeb
JO
PM coming your way
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DJS
Julia,
I'm very sorry to hear about your continuing anguish with this cult. Most of us understand exactly what you are going through. One thing I've learned over the years is never to make a difficult or important decision when I was in emotional turmoil, very angry, hurt, etc. DAiing may be the best for you; I'm just not sure it is the best right now. Only you will eventually know that. A calm, rational, un-hurt Julia can make a better decision.
Having said that, I agree with others than counseling is a must right now. You need to talk to someone about this hate filled dangerous cult and what it has done to you.
Good luck Julia
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Phizzy
I went to a Therapist with what I thought were problems mainly unrelated to being in the cult. It turned out my problems were, if not entirely due to the cult, certainly exacerbated by having been in it.
Her advice was to DA, and to move away from where I live, start afresh.
Good advice. I did not actually do that, as my family circumstances did not allow it, but I still believe it to be the very best way if the problem of journeying away from the cult is too strong.
I would not DA now, as I have no need, they leave me alone, and they no longer figure in my life, apart from being old acquaintances, who, despite Burns, may well get forgot.
You may find that you eventually get to where I am now, I do not give a flying fudge bar what JW's may think about me, or say about me, so if they decided to DA me or DF me, so what ? it would be the same as a Golf Club I used to attend many years ago, and have no intention of going to again, blackballing me, so what ?
I feel that my JW life, and those JW people, all belong to a life and a country I left long ago.
D.Aing yourself may speed up the distancing process, and make you feel better,
Whatever you decide, we are all here for you, and wish you and your husband a long and happy life.
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roberto avon
Hi Julia,
try to focus on your real life and not to think about them ( easy to say ). It is not important wether you DA Or DF, important is that with your mind you are out of the cult.
What about your book, the opal ring, are you still writing? i am very interested because I wrote a book myself and I don't know what to do with it.....
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R. Jerome Harris
I am a former JW of more than 30 years (Disassociated now for more than 5 years). You will heal. But you MUST remove the element of emotion from the equation. Emotion is the cancer - if held on to - will consume you and slow down the healing process.
There is no such thing as a "cult." It is a convenient and subjective expression people use who do not like the religion of others. It is a cheap way to place a shield around a religious organizations who are not defined as cults. It is an emotionally spun expression that controls the minds of those who believe it is real. The Watch Tower is not a cult. ALL religious organizations are cults if that is the case. It is like ALL religious organizations claiming to be of God and Christ: Impostors who have deviated from the teachings of Christ. They ALL claim to know God and Christ but ALL are far removed from them. The lesson here is not to let yourself be taken captive again by religious organization.
What you do not want to do is lose faith and confidence in God and Christ. They are accessible OUTSIDE of religious organization. Prayer is the most powerful tool we have (but the least used) to communicate with The Most High God.
Too many people leave the Watch Tower and go off the deep end. They blame the religious organization for their station in life. We ourselves made the decision to join that organization and we should take responsibility for the decision we made.
I gave up a military career to become one of JWs. I had four more years to put in 20 years to get my retirement. I gave it all up.
Yet, I realized that I had been blessed in unimaginable ways mentally, spiritually, financially, and educationally.
I am glad I experienced those many years as a JW because I can converse with any JW or persons thinking about becoming one and show them that Christ is not within any religious organization and that teachings such a 1914 is rooted on a false foundation. I know how JWs think. I find JWs who come to my door (I am an American who lives in Africa and JWs over here do not know anything about me) are astounded at the things I explain and show them. Few have actually left the Watch Tower and some are beginning to question things the Watch Tower has kept hidden from them.
How did I do it? First, I did not allow the Watch Tower to dictate to me who I am with relation to God. Second, I refused to ascribe and accept the labels the organization places on those who are not its members. I am not an apostate because Watch Tower says I am. I am a disciple of Christ as Christ directed us to be. No fancy names or titles. Thirdly, I put to the test the Watch Tower organization teachings (1 John 4:1) and found that it has failed miserably. Fourthly, I strictly place my trust and confidence in God and Christ, NOT humans and human entities (organizations). I shun All religious organizations as they are NOT from God and Christ. They are impostors and counterfeits. Fifthly, I DO NOT view the Bible as The Word of God. I view Christ as the ONLY Word of God. Six, I obey God's command at Luke 9:35 that I am to listen ONLY to his son (My Master) and not the voices (teachings) issuing out of religious organizations. Seventh, I use prayer to get God's wisdom, God's understanding and God's knowledge. I will not lean upon my own or that of others. Eight, I resist losing control or getting emotional over religion. Speak what Christ taught and if the Watch Tower has a problem with it is their problem not mine. Nine, view all persons within religious organizations as Jesus did: Sheep without a Shepherd. People are victims and captives. Ten, show geniune love and respect to all persons even if they do not like me and what I believe. Eleven, be for real. People know when one is being pretentious. Twelve: Teach others what Christ has taught (and continues to teach) me.
Stay away from "cult counselors" and people who want you to join THEIR religion or attend THEIR church. These people know that you are vulnerable and will come after you expressing "emotion" and so-called understanding and reel you in. You will have jumped out of one frying pan to another.
Above all, ask God to help you and ask him to straighten you out. Do not trust that people will. Help from people usually comes at some price.
I tell you the truth: Count it as a blessing NOT to be associated with ANY religious organization. Neither God or Christ commanded that we go into them.
I tell you another truth: Since my DA, I feel so liberated. I now know what Jesus meant when he said that one becomes "his" disciple THEN they will know the truth and the truth will set you FREE.
I am free from the tight controls of the Watch Tower. I can express love and concern for anyone and not have the Watch Tower dictate to me who I can and cannot talk to; what I can or cannot read; etc.
There is freedom when one sits themselves down at the feet of Christ and attach (member) themselves to him and NOT attach themselves (become members) of these religious organizations. They are all about power and control of the individual. The Master Christ is not about that. He promised to lift our burderns. Religious organizations place heavy burdens upon people.
Please visit my website at e-prophetic.com and I am sure you will find an article or two that may help you.
I have helped many persons. I do not try to get anyone to leave a religious organization. That is not my place to do that. I provide them with information and insight so that they can make that decision for themselves.
It is not enough to leave a religious, it is vital that a person knows WHY they leave. They must be certain about it or they will be forever haunted by guilt and uncertainty.
It is also important to know where to go and where not to go once freed. Do not go bad or go off the deep in. Do not enter into ANY religious organization by "any name."
Be resolved.
You will find yourself and you will like who you find. -
Muddy Waters
Julia, I agree with the people who advised you to not make any immediate decision about DA stuff right now. You are in too much turmoil and pain -- it really hurts too to lose our little pet(s) -- and the lack of their quiet, sweet presence leaves such an empty space...
Don't fill the places of your pain with decisions that could impact your life with more confusion or sorrow. You said maybe you still care what those bastards think... But those bastards were people we loved too... So the mind-fook is hard because we also know how JWs are trained to think -- it is such double-talk/double-think.
Be gentle with yourself right now, and it is not a sin to tell people that. Walk gently. Especially when you in pain. When you need to walk strong, you will know. You are healing, and yes, a counsellor who knows about abuse or controlling situations, PTSD, etc, could be of enormous benefit.
I feel your non-JW mom means well, but she does not totally understand the whole interplay of .... all that ... mind-sifting JW stuff.
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carla
I am so sorry to hear about your cat. It just adds to your already burdened heart.
As a non jw I am not sure it would be proper for me to add my two cents, I just wanted you to know I am thinking of you and wishing you a bright happy future!
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DesirousOfChange
Julia, it seems to me that you really have not left the "cult" behind yet. You're still obsessing over it. You're still venting here (which is great). You can leave it behind without formally DAing (and thus playing by their rules -- another proof that you have not yet left it behind!).
As of today, leave them behind. They have no control over you. Doing a formal DA gives them that control. It tells them you agree with their rules. They'll say "she did the right thing". Trust me. I've heard it said. As it stands today, I'll wager they would like to DF you but can't find the grounds to do so.
Doc
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LisaRose
I don't know if it would help you to DA, but I doubt it will hurt you, so why not do it? I never did, as I felt I didn't have to play by their silly rules, but my situation was different, I had moved out of state and wouldn't see any JWs I knew anyway.
I think you should get counseling,. It doesn't have to be someone who does cult counseling, any competent therapist should be able to help you. Obviously slogging through this on your own isn't working, time to get some help to move forward in your life.