George Dubya's Resume

Michael3000

He'll need this, come November...

- -Mike

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GEORGE W. BUSH
1600 Pennsylvania Avenue
Washington, DC 20520

EDUCATION AND EXPERIENCE:

LAW ENFORCEMENT:

I was arrested in Kennebunkport, Maine, in 1976 for
driving under the influence of alcohol. I pled
guilty, paid a fine, and had my driver's license
suspended for 30 days. My Texas driving record has
been "lost" and is not available.

MILITARY:

I joined the Texas Air National Guard and went AWOL.
I refused to take a drug test or answer any questions
about my drug use. By joining the Texas Air National
Guard, I was able to avoid combat duty in Vietnam.

COLLEGE:

I graduated from Yale University with a low C average.
I was a cheerleader.

PAST WORK EXPERIENCE:

I ran for U.S. Congress and lost. I began my career
in the oil business in Midland, Texas, in 1975. I
bought an oil company, but couldn't find any oil in
Texas. The company went bankrupt shortly after I sold
all my stock. I bought the Texas Rangers baseball
team in a sweetheart deal that took land using
taxpayer money. With the help of my father and our
friends in the oil industry (including Enron CEO Ken
Lay), I was elected governor of Texas.

ACCOMPLISHMENTS AS GOVERNOR OF TEXAS:

I changed Texas pollution laws to favor power and oil
companies, making Texas the most polluted state in the
Union. During my tenure, Houston replaced Los Angeles
as the most smog-ridden city in America. I cut taxes
and bankrupted the Texas treasury to the tune of
billions in borrowed money.

I set the record for the most executions by any
governor in American history. With the help of my
brother, the governor of Florida, and my father's
appointments to the Supreme Court, I became President
after losing by over 500,000 votes.

ACCOMPLISHMENTS AS PRESIDENT:

I am the first President in U.S. history to enter
office with a criminal record.

I invaded and occupied two countries at a continuing
cost of over one billion dollars per week.

I spent the U.S. surplus and effectively bankrupted
the U.S. Treasury.

I shattered the record for the largest annual deficit
in U.S. history.

I set an economic record for most private bankruptcies
filed in any 12-month period.

I set the all-time record for most foreclosures in a
12-month period.

I set the all-time record for the biggest drop in the
history of the U.S. stock market.

In my first year in office, over 2 million Americans
lost their jobs and that trend continues every month.

I'm proud that the members of my cabinet are the
richest of any administration in U.S. history. My
"poorest millionaire," Condoleeza Rice, has a Chevron
oil tanker named after her.

I set the record for most campaign fund-raising trips
by a U.S. President.

I am the all-time U.S. and world record-holder for
receiving the most corporate campaign donations.

My largest lifetime campaign contributor - and one of
my best friends - Kenneth Lay, presided over the
largest corporate bankruptcy fraud in U.S. History,
Enron.

My political party used Enron private jets and
corporate attorneys to assure my success with the U.S.
Supreme Court during my election decision.

I have protected my friends at Enron and Halliburton
against investigation or prosecution. More time and
money was spent investigating the Monica Lewinsky
affair than has been spent investigating one of the
biggest corporate rip-offs in history.

I presided over the biggest energy crisis in U.S.
history and refused to intervene when corruption
involving the oil industry was revealed.

I presided over the highest gasoline prices in U.S.
history.

I changed the U.S. policy to allow convicted criminals
to be awarded government contracts.

I appointed more convicted criminals to administration
than any President in U.S. history.

I created the Ministry of Homeland Security, the
largest bureaucracy in the history of the United
States government.

I've broken more international treaties than any
President has in U.S. history.

I am the first President in U.S. history to have the
United Nations remove the U.S. from the Human Rights
Commission.

I withdrew the U.S. from the World Court of Law.

I refused to allow inspectors access to U.S.
"prisoners of war" detainees and thereby have refused
to abide by the Geneva Convention.

I am the first President in history to refuse United
Nations election inspectors (during the 2002 U.S.
election).

I set the record for fewest numbers of press
conferences of any President since the advent of
television.

I set the all-time record for most days on vacation in
any one-year period. After taking off the entire month
of August, I presided over the worst security failure
in U.S. history.

I garnered the most sympathy for the U.S. after the
World Trade Center attacks and less than a year later
made the U.S. the most hated country in the world - the
largest failure of diplomacy in world history.

I have set the all-time record for most people
worldwide to simultaneously protest me in public
venues (15 million people), shattering the record for
protests against any person in the history of mankind.

I am the first President in U.S. history to order an
unprovoked, pre-emptive attack and the military
occupation of a sovereign nation. I did so against
the will of the United Nations, the majority of U.S.
citizens, and the world community.

I have cut health care benefits for war veterans and
support a cut in duty benefits for active duty troops
and their families ? during wartime.

In my State of the Union Address, I lied about our
reasons for attacking Iraq and then blamed the lies on
our British friends.

I am the first President in history to have a majority
of Europeans (71% ) view my presidency as the biggest
threat to world peace and security.

I am supporting development of a nuclear "Tactical
Bunker Buster," a WMD.

I have so far failed to fulfill my pledge to bring
Osama Bin Laden to justice.

RECORDS AND REFERENCES:

All records of my tenure as governor of Texas are now
in my father's library, sealed and unavailable for
public view.

All records of SEC investigations into my insider
trading and my bankrupt companies are sealed in
secrecy and unavailable for public view.

All records or minutes from meetings that I, or my
Vice-President, attended regarding public energy
policy are sealed in secrecy and unavailable for
public review.

PLEASE CONSIDER MY EXPERIENCE WHEN VOTING IN 2004.

Lostreality

Ohhhh I love it!!!

*shows to quasi-republician girlfriend*

zugzwang

Sounds like I need to screw up a lot more in my life before I'll ever be qualified to be president.

zugzwang

Just wondering Mike, who you gonna vote for this fall?

Elsewhere

TallTexan

Weren't many of 'his' economic problems actually created during the Clinton administration? He just happened to be in office when the house of cards called the ' 90's stock market' fell down. Just a thought....

Mary

Homer Simpson could run the country better than Bush.................

Pleasuredome

do you think Yeru rolls his eyes everytime he sees a thread entitled "George Dubya's Resume"? lol

blindfool

I just don't understand:

The U.S. was attacked by muslim extreamist and the response of the commader in chief is called: "unprovoked attacks??"

Bush believed and was advised that Iraq was a danger to the U.S. The United Nations believed he had WMD. Clinton believed he had WMD. He did have WMD. He used them on his own people, they were there. Where are they now? The $64,000. question.

A lot of people would have you believe that Bush is an idiot, or that he's done everything since 9-11 to benefit big oil companies. The truth is, Bush understands that his presidential campaign will suceed or fail on how people feel about the war on terrorism. From what I understand, he can live with that.

Bush does not govern according to pubic opinion poles. He has a basic belief system and does what he thinks is right. Vote against the man if you wish. Kerry may not give you what you want either. He has stated that the war in Iraq must continue and be won. But then again, Kerry is probably just out to make his rich buddies richer too.

I also don't understand attacking US leaders because they are well off. Do we really want a person that can't make a good living running the country? Perhaps their should be a rule that if your worth more than a million bucks you can't run.

The real bottom line is: Why would someone (Democrat or Republican) spend 30 million dollars to get a job that pays, what, $250,000. per year? Think about that!!

SixofNine

::Bush believed and was advised that Iraq was a danger to the U.S. It's hard to know what Bush believed. He certainly wanted to, hoped beyond hope, that Iraq had significant WMD's. The question is why did he want to believe that so badly. The answer is that he'd bought into a stupid theory promoted by the PNAC. Yes, Bush was advised that Iraq was a danger to the U.S. However, he was advised by far more intelligent, precient, and character proven individuals that Iraq was at worst a contained threat. Why did he choose to listen to the Wolfowitz, Cheney's, and Chalabi's of the world? For that matter, if he's the president, why isn't he something of an expert on middle eastern affairs? He simply does not have the intellect for the job of president. I have to laugh at people who see his arrogant anti-intellectualism as some sort of "backbone". He's smirking at YOU.

George Dubya's Resume

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