I have been feeling down.... (page 2)

Country Girl

Hello there New Castles:

I was sorry to read of the terrible feelings you are having right now. I was out for 15 years, but still believing it was the Truth and that I wasn't good enough for *it*. When I finally found out about it, thanks to the Internet, I was devastated! I wasn't ever baptized, due to my mother never feeling that I had enough of a spiritual nature... but that doesn't make it any easier. I still get shunned, in a way. She never calls unless she needs something, which is just as bad, if not worse, as her never calling at all. Shunning is a hard thing to deal with, a terrible tragedy, and there is bound to be some devastating feelings in dealing with it. It can cast a pall over your whole life, which I suspect is what is happening now to you.

Remember the other hard times in your life, and how you felt, and how you came through. Just keep an eye on that light at the end of the tunnel. It will be over.. but as in everything, it just takes time, dear. I would suggest the same thing as Dan-O's excellent advice: make some short term goals for yourself and work towards them. Get some good counseling if you can with a counselor you feel comfortable with, get on medication if that's what it takes. I can be overcome, and you *will* overcome it. Start doing some hobbies that you like, maybe, or just spending time taking walks and admiring the scenery. It has a way of working itself out, and you will, in time, be blessed with a whole new life. Maybe even one that you didn't expect! One door closes, another opens.

Good luck my friend.

CG

Fleur

a big hug for desertflower. ((((((((((((((((((((desertflower)))))))))))))))) i can't begin to fathom how hard it is to leave the borg after that long...if i still prayed i''d pray for the day my family would do that, but i don't think they have the courage. you, are so brave, hubby too, please know that you are cared for, and not alone. (((((((((((((desertflower)))))))))))))))))))

castles...god, i remember that feeling. it's so hard, it's a living hell. a living death, a death of people still alive in body but who will not deal with you when you are who you really are. they are drones, they don't have control of their own minds and hearts, we were them once, i pity them now where i raged at their behavior before.

they say depression is anger turned inward. i had no idea how angry i was until recently about the things my family has put me through because i divorced a man who treated me like **** and married one who treats me like gold. because i chose a better life than one of abuse for myself and my daughter, i lost the vast majority of my jw family, and the few who still see me (my parents, basically, older sister stuck it out awhile then her elder husband pulled her back into line) go through hell fearing for my salvation. even though even my own mother has to admit that i am happier now than i ever have been in my life.

the thing is...you have to realize that when you're living a real life, an authentic life, you're going to have bad times. horrible things happen. some people have faith in a higher power to carry them through, some, i don't know i guess just get by on sheer stubbornness or defiance of giving up. i have no faith left in me in any benevolent spirit saving the world or hearing pleas for help, but i am at peace with that now.

i cannot recommend enough to you a small book called The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz. It has helped me in ways i can't put into words, to see the actions of myself, and others, clearly. it's worth the investment of time to read, it's not a really long book.

i'm rambling on here, very reflective this morning for reasons i'll put into another thread...but anyway, please know that this is part and parcel of leaving a high control group like the WTS.

please, please also know that around the corner is a level of peace, happiness, freedom, and self-acceptance that you can't imagine possible at the moment; it's there, i promise you. you just have to be ready for it.

hang on, it gets better. maybe not easier in the sense that none of this ever gets easy, but you will have more good time than bad moments in the days to come. just be sure you keep your heart open to good things around you, volunteering your time is a great way to get some perspective and something jw's were never supposed to do (i mean charity stuff). pick a cause you care for and spend some time helping it along. any little gesture you make to give, will come back to you over and over.

hugs and understanding...

fleur

New Castles

Thank you all....I am feeling much better after hearing (reading) all you have to say. Thanks for the encouragement, i know I can get on with living my life now.

(((Hugs to all)))

Thanks!!!!

Larry

New Castle - One thing I 've learned in life is - It All Works Out. Pretty soon you will giving advice to people who said the same thing you said "I have been feeling down...."

Peace - LL :)

ApagaLaLuz

Hiya Castles man. :) Do what I do when I'm feeling down, head on over to the strip club.

Actually what you're feeling right now is very very normal. When I first left and moved out I was so sad. I thought, they were right all along, I couldnt possibly be happy without the religion. That's what the shunning is about, to try and make you life so miserable you come crawling back. Reality of it all is this board. Look at how many people have gotten through it, started wonderful, new, productive, happy, successful lives. In time it will happen for you too. In the begining it feels like the end of the world. It hurts so much. Trust me when I say it does get easier and things do sort themselves out. I'm the happiest I've ever been now. But it took time. Hang in there.

Oh yeah, and that doesnt work, seriously, check out the strip club