My JW sister came to visit.

by Etude 14 Replies latest members private

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  Mulan

  I loved your illustration of the flare illuminating the field below. Good job and congratulations.
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  Country_Woman

  hopefully this is the start of a re-united family.....
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  Etude

  Thank you everyone for you kind comments and your good wishes. My sister could not respond to my E-mail yet. She?s lost access from home. She?s trying to have DSL installed in her house. However, we did talk for over 2 hours yesterday. The conversation was intense but very friendly.
  While she is definitely set on leaving her husband, her quandary lies in the fact that she will feel deceitful and false by going back on her words, you know ?For better or for worse?, etc. I can understand that since all of us kids in the family grew up with the idea that once you marry, it would be the last time you marry unless your partner died. She is also having difficulties with specific Bible references that she feels condemn what she?s about to do. It?s not just that she wants to leave her husband but also that she wants to seek what she needs in someone else. I don?t know if there is a specific person she has in mind or is just seeking for someone else who has the qualities she desires.

  She explained to me that she?s in a bad emotional state. Her reasons for not wanting to be with her husband anymore have to do with his reluctance to share himself and also to meet her romantic and intellectual expectations. I know that a lot of guys have problems in this area but the way she puts it, it would appear that he?s unwilling to try to meet her half way in the emotional department to the point were he becomes totally incommunicative when she tries to draw him out. I?ve been very careful to not say to her who is right and wrong on this issue. However, I have encouraged her to seek what she wants in order to preserve her sanity. She told me in this last conversation that since she got back to NY, she?s been more depressed than ever. She feels that if she doesn?t do something, they might find her in a closet with a noose around her neck. This is why I told her she shouldn?t be concern with violating the biblical parts she considers so important, because either way she would be in a bad place, whether she ?sinned? or committed suicide. Frankly, I?d rather have her alive and a mess than gone from my life.

  While both she and I contend that her husband is basically a good man, a few things she told me about him really pissed me off. After all he is a JW. She mentioned that while reading a book (I don?t know what), he suggested she read different material. Guess what material? It was The Watchtower, of course. When she refused with thanks, he asked why not. She replied that she was satisfied with what she was reading at the time. He said to her that she would get more out of The Watchtower than from that book. She calmly disagreed. He tossed the magazine in the room and walked out. While she was here, I learned that she had read Frank Herbert?s ?Dune? trilogy. I had encouraged her to read the ?Lord Of The Rings? trilogy after reading ?The Hobbit?. We sat here and watch the two movie episodes that have been released. She left before ?The Return Of The King? was released. She told her husband in conversation that she was going to see the movie. He objected saying that he would prefer if she didn?t do it in the house, meaning she shouldn?t bring the DVD in the house. I think he knows better not to openly prohibit her from doing anything. Never mind that all her kids and nephews had seen the movies already. His objections had to do with the idea that there?s sorcery in the movie (Gandalf, etc).

  I?ve always had a hard time with people who are so feeble minded as to think that saying a word or seeing something that they don?t approve of will corrupt their moral fiber and introduce demons in their heads and homes. It is this mentality that caused a lot of people at Bethel to stop using the term ?bulletin board? and replace it with ?information board?. They explained that the word bulletin had come from the Papal Bull. How they extrapolate that using a word or proximity to something barely objectionable especially when you don?t really approve of it is going to place you away from God and let Satan influence you. It?s obvious to me that she doesn?t think this way because she?s already been reading books and expanding her mind in ways that they, the JWs, would object to. She?s also dealing with other people outside of the Organization and discovering different ways of thinking. She?s just having a hard time letting go of all that?s been engrained into her.

  I think it?s a done deal. She will eventually leave. I can?t imagine, as depressed as she seems to be and after partially experiencing a different way of life, that she could possibly choose to stay in that relationship and in the Organization. It?s not just her husband but all that comes with it. She may not realize at this point how much the religion has to do with her situation. I?ve suggested to her that what is happening is that the real ?her? is trying to come out after being repressed for a long time. Her husband blames her for all their problems. He thinks that her job (working at the bank with those other people) has wrongly influenced and changed her. She vaguely admits that she has some ?things? about the Organization which I interpret as difficulties that she will tell me about later but does not want to discuss at this time. Therefore, I?ve been showing her how incidents she knows about from our past in the Organization reveal the creation of the type of mentality that her husband exhibits. I have been somewhat successful in showing her how certain teachings and even how the Watchtower has handled the child molestation incidents show an organization that manipulates the scriptures to its advantage.

  I made that significant point by mentioning the 2-witness rule from the Old Testament when judging an accused individual. I then pointed out how other parts of the Old Testament that are equally valid are routinely ignored out of convenience. I think that the most important thing I want to make her understand so that she can move on and overcome her guilt of violating ?principles? is to make her question what it is she?s been taught and that although we were brainwashed into thinking that there?s no room for deviation from what the Watchtower Society tells us, that there are things in the Bible that will be problematic and not so clear cut.

  Somehow, I happened to mention the movie ?Normal? in order to represent a real problem that the Witnesses would not have a clue how to deal with. There have been so many individuals, mostly males, who have felt as women trapped in man?s body and have subsequently become transsexuals. Such a thing confuses the hell out of me because these guys want to be women but don?t want to have sex with men. They like to have sex with women! The Jehovah?s Witnesses would have you pray to Jehovah for help making you think that it may be within your grasp to eventually change and become ?normal?. If not, you can rely on the promise of the ?New System Of Things? in order to be ?normal?, that is if you don?t kill yourself first. Avoiding suicide is what drives these men to go through an extremely radical operation and lifestyle change and loose their penises (shudder). ?What about a manic compulsive?? I asked her. ?Do you think that a person who has to return to the front door 20 times each morning to make sure the door is closed or wash their hands 30 times per day can gain control by toting the JW line??, I asked. I suppose it?s possible. The mind can make miraculous changes. But the Watchtower Society does not have exclusivity on that. She agrees with me about the fanaticism and stupidity of certain individuals who claim that they had a headache, prayed to Jehovah and it went away. They attribute things to God that no one has any way of knowing He actually grants. However, it?s my aim to show her that this is the very attitude that affects not just individuals but the entire Organization and its hierarchy. I will be mentioning to her how the Watchtower Society uses its perceived success in many areas in order to justify that it has divine approval. ?It works, therefore we must be having Jehovah?s blessing?. OK, let?s look at what doesn?t work. Could it be maybe, SATAN?

  My brother-in-law, my senior sisters? husband, has been ?beating up? on my youngest sister with the ?come back to Jehovah? spiel. This happened two days after she got back to NY while she, her husband and brother-in-law went shopping. While her husband was out of the car getting donuts, my brother-in-law started pounding on her with his elder rhetoric. I?m proud of the fact that my sister stopped him in his tracks and told him that she didn?t want to hear it. He insisted and she told him that if he kept it up she was going to walk out of the car and find her own way home. After my brother-in-law mentioned the incident to her husband and later to his wife, my younger sister began to notice the strange looks and the unusual silence from all of them. And so, it has begun.

  Etude.
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  JW83

  Hi Etude,

  Good luck with your sister - she is incredibly lucky to have you around at this time. Isn't it interesting how most people are not concerned with doctrinal ineptitude, they just want to be happy. My JW mum has been saying the same thing, that she just doesn't want to live an unhappy JW life anymore. I must admit that the main reason I left was because I thought I was so unhappy I was going to kill myself if I didn't leave, I used to walk to the KH crying. Life outside can be difficult to start with, especially dealing with JW family & missing friends, but the freedom & potential happiness is intoxicating!! I also thought it was interesting about the Lord of the Rings. My dad used to be a big fan but when he became a witness he threw out all his 'worldly' books. I think he enjoyed the movies, though ...

  Jayne
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  TMS

  Etude,

  It is more than obvious that your intellect and compassion put you in the unique position of aiding your sister.

  A mental health professional would mock her hesitancy to move on, but you understand her JW mindset.

  Your posts seem to underscore the great validity of this forum. To Wit(as Rutherford would say): No one understands JW's like ex-JW's

  TMS