Where are they now?

by Puternut 19 Replies latest jw friends

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  Steve Lowry

  They're consumed by their loyalty to the Watchtower Society, and it doesn?t leave much room for "silly" things like friendship if it gets in the way of that loyalty. Don?t take it too personal though. It?s a simple but effective cultic tactic used by the Watchtower Society to ?demonize? the one who leaves the group. It protects the ?flock? by keeping them ignorant of the outside world, and it creates a kind of self-sacrifice syndrome (cutting themselves off from friends and relatives) that reinforces the ?faithful? that they are doing the right thing. And as mentioned here in this thread also, there is fear.

  It doesn?t completely invalidate your old friendships, but it dose show you now, how conditional those friendships were. It?s a cult thing.

  Peternut,

  The following post to Sassy may seem to contradict my advice to you about not taking it personal. That's still the way I feel, in most cases. However this particular case (my sister) IS personal and it will remain so. There are those times in life that people cross a certain line, and they must pay the consequences.
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  Steve Lowry

  "The funny thing is she even mentioned to me that she appreciates that I have not bothered to try and have contact with my old JW friends. Ironic how it would be wrong for me to call or email her, but it was ok for her to 'reach out and say hello' oh.. and ask for help"

  It?s this kind of pious self-righteous attitude that makes my skin crawl, even after all these years.

  My JW sister disowned me more than twenty years ago, shortly after I left the group. I lost my relationships with my two nephews and niece. Not one of them was more than eight or nine years old at the time. I wasn?t allowed to grow up with them and now they?re all grown and probably have families of their own. Don?t know. I?ve never heard from any of them. But when MY little girl was born (eight years ago) suddenly my sister wanted to become Aunt Dee. Never heard a word from her for something like thirteen years. She sent us a bunch of baby presents and a little card that asked us to kiss the baby for her! It was very clear by the things she said that she thought it perfectly all right to have a relationship with MY kid. Hypocrite! But when some time went by and I didn?t acknowledge "gifts", she complained to my JW mother how I didn?t respond to her "loving" gesture. I told my mother that there was to be no relationship any longer between me and my sister and that was the last time my sister ever came up in dialogue with my mother. Oh, a few times my mother mentioned something about her or something about her family, but I didn?t even acknowledge that she had even said anything. I just changed the subject rather obviously. She ?got it? pretty quick.

  After all these years, this is the only thing about my JW experience that when I think about it, I can get really pissed off about. How dare that bitch think she's good enough for my little girl but that I?m not good enough for her kids? Oh, fuck that.

  She is still my sister and if she (or anyone in her family) needed something like money, or an organ transplant, I wouldn?t hesitate to offer my help. But I?m interested in NO relationship with them. One thing the JW?s taught me, is how to shun. And I?m a damned expert at it now. You bet ya.
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  Undaunted Danny

  All the old timers who were adults during the,"never to be repeated" "Truth book" campaigns,of the late 1960's have died.Every single one of them are all still dead!
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  Emma

  How can you just forget someone? How can you not think about someone (me), who who stood by your side trough thick and thin.

  This just brings back how insidious the wts is at it's core. Most of them, I think, are able to just move on as if nothing has happened; it's absolutely unnatural. Those who do feel the loss and hurt are "weak ones" not "fully relying on Jehovah." If anyone thinks the org is really just harmless, this is something they should look at.
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  Evesapple

  My parents and my sister do not have any contact with me.....I do ususally call my sister or e-mail to see how she and the kids are doing. I made the initiation to visit with her when I came out there (Arizona) with my new baby boy (8 months old already). My mother called me at my hotel...(yeah, I didn't even stay with them). Neither one of them ever made any attempt to come up to Chicago to visit us or contact us. Sure they sent things in the mail...but you'd expect more from family. I never did anything to either one of them.

  My husband called them prior to the baby and offered my mom a bridge to bring our relationship together...she said no, she can't do that....her love for Jehovah is very important and by her doing this will maybe one day bring me back...'tough love' in other words. Ok...so, I would gravel back to people that treat me that way? The only thing their actions have confirmed to me is that their love is conditional....I have a greater span of friends and family (my husbands, and my non-JW family) that don't care if my opinion or thoughts differ from theirs. What I do with my life and how I chose to live it, is not judged by them. Do I miss my family? Yes, of course I do....but I have to almost question if the relationship we had was ever really real.
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  Puternut

  It just amazes me that most, after all those years of studying the scriptures, the application of some parables are not unserstood. Take for example, the good samaritan, and the prodical son. I think the core meaning of them, has no impact on quite a few. And these were prime examples, where even the tellers of those parables bent the rules themselves in behalf of another human. So yes, I think it is a fear that the WT over the course of time imposes on the flock.

  What a sad affair.....

  Puternut
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  Nosferatu

  I can't relate. I had one phone call years after I left. It was the elder I studied with. I wasn't home, but he left a very long message (much like his prayers) on the answering machine. He tried sucking me back into the org with the "Remember all the good times we had out in the door-to-door work" crap. I guess he really cared.
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  Sunnygal41

  Why this post? I just had a phone call from someone (not a witness) who reminded me of them. We were so close.....

  Do I miss them, yes, but not now, under these 'conditions'.... as in "conditional" love
  My door remains open.

  Puter, isn't that wonderful how someone......a "personal creator" or the "universal spirit" knows what we need, when we need it? Sent a friend when you needed one the most!

  Ter
• 

  jazbug

  Puter,

  And can't you just hear the talk in the car group??...."Can you believe what happened to A? He just got sucked back into this old system...just couldn't fight Satan's pressures...gave up everything he had for the world of wickedness...if he would have just waited a little longer for the new system...after all, IT's so close."

  We wonder how they can stay in and we wonder why they don't get out...ironic, huh? We can just be glad we could get out...there is life after JW's...it just takes some time to feel comfortable in the new world we live in.

  I'm ready for pinochle when you are.....ya guys, thats what he does when he's not wining and dining...now he plays pinochle with the people he used to counsel and encourage...as the world turns.

  jazbug
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  LyinEyes