If the Watchtower Society . . .

by Steve Lowry 10 Replies latest jw friends

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  Steve Lowry

  If the Watchtower Society decided to develop a line of products for the public (uh, besides the ones they already have of course, uh-hum), what kind of products and sales campaigns do you think they might come out with? Ok, a goofy idea for a thread, but I thought it might be fun.

  How about a line of Kingdom Shoes?

  "Our field testers have done exhaustive field research with our Kingdom Shoes and they?re guaranteed to last at least a generation!" (Management reserves the right to redefine the term ?generation? at such time it so decides without notice.)

  "We don?t use traditional souls on our shoes, because we don?t believe in them!" (Buyer must provide his or her own souls.)

  How about a line of New Light light bulbs?

  "Our New Light light bulbs are guaranteed to be so revolutionary that instead of burning out like traditional light bulbs do, they just get brighter and brighter as time goes by!" (Not responsible for personal injury due to prolonged exposure to New light light bulb. May cause dizziness, lack of ability to make decisions, diarrhea, blindness, disorientation, confusion, false euphoria, anxiety, and an inability to look away from New Light light bulb.)

  How about a line of Miracle Wheat?

  Uh, I think this one may already have been attempted.
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  new light

  Wel-A-Range anti-wrinkle clothing spray. Now no one will know you've been out in service all day in a suit you haven't dry-cleaned all year!

  Brainwashers alertness aid, special District Convention formula. Combines the stimulating properties of ephedra and caffeine with a newly declassified mind control agent. Never fall asleep or daydream at a convention again!

  Kingdom Condoms Now you can "render your due" worry free! Available in sheepskin only.
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  Steve Lowry

  Kingdom Condoms Now you can "render your due" worry free! Available in sheepskin only.

  ROFLOL!
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  orangefatcat

  How about their own brand of spirits. Promises to uplift, and gets you in the mood to swing you body and heal your self of all ailments. Never any dull moments as these spirits are guaranteed to bring you happiness (ONLY TEMPORARILY) and shuts out all inhibations when it comes to speaking (WITNESSING). Keeps you on the straight and narrow, but hope your not asked to prove it as it could be wobbley. Especially if you should meet up with a copper.

  How about a line of clothes, witnessing style from ALine skirts for sister rebellious and a suit for brothers from all occasions in the witnessing work to the memorial formal attire. All dresses in black and white gloves and a towel over the arm. See through blouses that causes men in the door to door work to perk right up and listen even if they are looking at your tittties. Future bible studies will occur.

  Orangefatcat.
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  Steve Lowry

  For our ?members only? line.

  Try our new JW Camouflage kit. Kit includes the following:

  Long hair wig, fake beard and a one-piece quick slip-on set of dirty clothes.

  No one will ever suspect you?re a JW in this outfit. Comes in real handy when you need to evade angry homeowners chasing you. Simply duck down an alley and slip into our Camouflage gear faster than you can say ?time-slip?. Guaranteed to dismay and confuse angry homeowners. Order now and get your choice of one of these free signs:

  "Will work for food"

  "No, I am not a Gehoba Wintess"

  "Help a vet"

  "Will work for donations" (discontinued)

  "Need blood transfusion, please help"

  Also now available:

  Try our new book, "How to pick up JW chicks at the Convention"

  Some example ?pickup? lines:

  "Are you a Jehovah?s Witness or are you just visiting?"

  "Excuse me, can you show me the way to the baptism pool?"
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  BluesBrother

  "My friend and I" , ventriloquist dummy but this one is loaded with pre recorded scripts of all the intros from the Reasoning Book and all the "Conversation stopper overcomers as well " . Just crank him up and let him do the talking. No one listens any way so no one will know.

  Better still, just send him off to do the "ministry" and count the time yourself!
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  Steve Lowry

  I like it!
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  Blueblades

  Your very own Watchtower WATCH, never miss a meeting or field service again, it let's you know when it is time to go to the meetings and service.It even has a second hand that tells you when you have put 10 hours a month in the field, so that your field service report card will never reflect that you are irregular.BONUS, order now and we will add a ringer alarm whenever you come close to a coffee shop.

  Blueblades
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  little witch

  Theocratic Warfare Arsenal Kit

  Includes a stun-gun (once those householders are down, you are guaranteed to get your message across before the door slams)!

  Deluxe Edition Theocratic Theosaurus (Never be at a loss to change the meaning of a spirit directed word again)!

  Heavy Duty Wooden Spoon with optional blue or pink ribbon attatched (show the public that you paddle with care)!

  Mini-Ministry Megaphone Be the first to get yours today! Those possibly interested ones are walking by our tables and possibly have hearing problems! ( work great when visiting cemetaries on memorial day to gather crowds)!

  And finally, in answer to thousands of requests....The plastic smile! One size fits all! Fool your friends and family while continuing jehovahs ministry! After all we are the happiest people on earth! (while supplies last)
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  Flowerpetal

  Little Witch:

  And finally, in answer to thousands of requests....The plastic smile! One size fits all! Fool your friends and family while continuing jehovahs ministry! After all we are the happiest people on earth! (while supplies last)

  Loved this one!!!