by Leander 44 Replies latest jw friends
If you're willing to settle for less (much less) and can accept a compartmentalized life and relationship where the two of you can only share some of the compartments, then you can keep it going. But, it's unlikely to be anything close to what you want out of life or marriage.
True north said it as if he were here in this house. ... My deep sympathies and warm compassion go to those who have suffered a great loss because of this
If you do a search for Amazing's "How I Got My Family Out," or something like that, you'll learn how important it is to take loved ones with you when you go.
We had both had doubts for awhile before we started talking about them openly. Once that started, we were so relieved that we were both on the same page that we moved forward quickly and left together. Our marriage, a long, happy one, has never been better. I attribute it to having more time for each other, being under considerably less pressure to perform and maintain other people's imposed standards, and being completely honest (with each other and ourselves) for the first time in a long time. We always loved each other. Now we like each other, too. It's exciting to be on this journey together, exploring genuine spirituality and coming to know and appreciate the world (and the people) god made for us to enjoy.
We left together. I think the experience made us stronger.
I'm getting tired of living like this. I'm tired of hiding who I am. Another thing, he doesn't know that I'm here, I live in fear that he will find out. Maybe it would be a good thing if he found out. It would defiantly clear the air.
Hapgood....you said it....'clean the air.' If your mate is like mine...they would rather know where you truely stand, than wish on false hopes. Once you come clean you can be yourself and hopefully your mate will except that. I post right here on JWD whether she is in the room or not. I have nothing to hide or be ashamed of and she knows I feel this way.
Willyloman,
I understand what you are saying, but some spouses will not consider it in fear of losing loved ones they can't bear to lose. My wife would be one of those. Her grandkids and my daughter and son-in-law are her life for the most part......and I can understand her feelings. She could not deal with losing them. Some of us are tougher and think different in that area. Some can take it, some can't.
( edited to add.....LT, I'm glad things are getting easier to handle for you.
Gumby
We are much happier now, but we had some rough years, going through the process. I was so angry with him for so long before I saw the truth too.
After I did, it took Dave a long time to get used to not being able to control me.
Things are great now though.
After I did, it took Dave a long time to get used to not being able to control me.
You mean to tell me you were one of those wimpy "submissive wives" Marylyn??.......You????!!!!!
Was Princess like you were when she was a dub wife......submissive?
*chuckles cuz he really already knows the answer to that one*
Gumby
You mean to tell me you were one of those wimpy "submissive wives" Marylyn??.......You?
In many ways I was, yes. I have a strong independent streak that drove my mother crazy and Dave tamed it pretty well, but I still would stand up for myself. He was the last and final word though. After I learned the truth, the real me came back home.
Princess was also a typical JW wife. She had a strong, elder father, and then married a strong man, who was going up the ranks as well. Her personality really came out after leaving though, typical of people who have been raised in cults.
There's the cult personality, and then there's the real person. Hooray for reality!!
To chime in,
Chalk me in the "marriage down the crapper" category.
To be honest, my DA'ing is part of the storm that is making the weak points of our relationship painfully manifest.
Plus there now are other insurmountable hurdles such as Leander mentions:
I want to have kids with a woman who wants to show our children the wonderful aspects of this world...
...she wants kids with someone who has had their brains sucked out and replaced with new WTS2005 JW submission chip.
In her eyes, I'm the debil...
True North summed it up nicely:
The result of all this and more of the same is likely to make her view her marriage as a trial that she must endure
It's all a learning experience. We both will be better for it after this storm passes.
There's the cult personality, and then there's the real person. Hooray for reality!!
Mulan, you said it! Unfortunately, some mates cannot deal with the change! They fell in love with the "Stepford" aspect! LOL!
Terri
someone who has had their brains sucked out and replaced with new WTS2005 JW submission chip.
Whoa! Good use of illustrations...
