i'm a 39 yr old woman who was raised in the truth. I had a wonderful happy childhood and have the best parents anyone could ever want. i was one of 7 kids , my parents are elderly now and try to attend what meetings they can i have 2 sisters and one brother still in the truth and one sister on the fringes. 2 brothers are wonderful men who choose to follow no religion. me.. well i'm recovering from a rough divorce. long story i wont bore you right now with it. briefly, was married 18 yrs to a man i knew all my life, after 12 yrs of marriage he cheated on me, got me pregnant so i wouldnt leave i have 4 wonderful kids 3 live with him one is married and lives near me. i left when he kept accusing me of everything under the sun ( according to him i was sleeping around with a cop and men i met online and i was a lesbian) (roll yer eyes)
i've lived with a male friend in nashville for over 2 yrs. took him awhile to convince me to move in. cuz i kept looking for ulterior motives in his kindness to me. he's worldly ya know!. finally i moved in , no strings, and being around these worldly people have opened my eyes to what kindness is. i've not had sex in over 2 yrs. the elders of my former congregation call during c.o. visits to enquire on my sexual status. my ex likes to tell them all kinds of stories about me. i dont even care anymore.
i go to psychiatrist and therapist for help with post traumatic syndrome. and am on social security disability living off of less than 400 a month. i worked most of the time i was married but for my ex's business so no social security was ever turned in on me. i waver between feeling worthless to my kids and worthless in the world.
however my friends i've made encourage me, daily my male friend tells me what a blessing i am to him , he's disabled in a wheelchair and a wonderful selfless person. He's totally offended when the elders call to find out if i'm sexually involved with him.
2 of my kids have met him and stay with me on occasion. when i divorced i thought it would be terrible to take them away from their dad, congregation, grandparents and support system. now.. i want my kids! my dr says i was in "survival" mode and was unable to fight for my kids at that time. i just wanted away from the ex. he was abusive to me verbaly. blamed me for his own sins and shortcomings, and the only way he'd feel better about himself was to put me down. all this started after he cheated on me. before that we were a happy family serving jehovah and doing well.
as far as religion now i have no use for it. i pray , i dont feel guilty for not going to the meetings, i'm on public reproof because 6 mos after i left my ex he kept threatening me because he wasnt "scriptually" free so i had a one night stand with a male friend of mine and set him free.
i have to say the elders have been merciful to me by not disfellowshipping me right away.i posted at another site with a longer version of my story. its just tiring to me to type it out. last time the elders called ( yes during c.o. visit) and also to tell me my ex quit coming to the hall cuz he was mad i hadnt been disfellowshipped (i've been gone 2 yrs) but he just now got mad enough to quit going to the hall. the brother that called asked to send my name to the local hall near me in nashville and i told him ok. so they dont have to fool with me anymore. so far i havent heard from the local cong. its been 4 mos or so since the bro sent my pub card down here. (wonder when their co visit is?)
i miss being spiritually minded sometimes. but yes i'm bitter about the lack of love, the lack of compassion , and the lack of practical help from anyone in the org. so i started looking on the web for personal stories of people. i dont really read topics about how the society is wrong and stuff but i am intensly interested in peoples lives. i found i wasnt alone having occasional nightmares about the paradise book pics i'd seen as a child. i found i wasnt alone in feeling abandoned and feeling like myself as a person just doesnt matter to the elders. I've decided to trust in God, pray thru jesus and to try to manifest the fruits of Gods spirit in my daily life . showing love joy peace kindness goodness faith etc.
but its great to find a couple of forums where people might understand what i've been thru. and what i continue to go thru. just think .. if the society set up a forum for gathering witnesses together, i might never have had to search online for one.