Facing my family..... (page 2)

Special K

I have some similarities with my family of origin as well..

you said.

I'm somewhat angry, hurt, sad, and yet I love them and want them to love me and see that I'm happy and be supportive.

Yes, I too felt all those things when I and my husband were first disfellowshipped. I was extremely close to my mother when I was D'fd and I know that she truly loved me and my two young kids at the time.toddler and a 5 year old.

However, the WTBTS.. won. She was and continues to be too too programed by them to realize that for a parent to have to deny a relationship with her only daughter is not right. I'm am sure that she truly grieved the loss of me, my husband and her now 3 grandchildren.

I too bear some responsiblity in our permanent separation of now 11 years. I cannot bear to have my heart and my emotions torn back and forth. It's too devastating to me to be involved in a one way loving arrangement with them just having access to the grandchildren. To me love means actions to back it up. My mother can not demonstrate any love towards me without breaking her vow to the Watchtower Society... and I made the decision to keep all ties with my children cut as well. I refused to have their emotions pulled back and forth.

Each one, has to weigh all the factors when involved with J.W. Family. I weighed all mine and this seemed like the right decision in my particular case. They disfellowshipped me..and I couldn't see why I had to put up with all their other silly rules. My feelings were never ever considered in any of this.

Love is something to be shared and to me is not to be a one sided arrangement.

You also, have to take into consideration that they (our parents) are being constantly programmed over and over by a cult that want to keep complete control over them. They (the WTBTS) turn what is natural into something unnatural.

...Also, it depends on the family. some people get disfellowshipped and still have a relationship with other family members. It's so hypocritical. Some have so called reliable excuses and then some are really axed for associating with disfellowshipped family members.

..Search your heart (is all I can say).. and do what feel right for you and your kids.

sincerely

Special K

garybuss

The Watch Tower Corporation teaches it's members that when they behave bad, such as when they shun their children, it's the child's fault. Like when my mother broke the yardstick over my arm, I made her do it.

The Witnesses believe that when they snub and shun US, it is US that left them. It's all done with education and modeling and conditioning. It takes training to invert the obvious. Abuse is not abuse, it's discipline, neglect is not neglect, it's buying out time and setting priorities, hate is not hate, it's Godly love, trying cases in the supreme court is not being involved with government, it's legally defending the good news, a failed prediction is not a mistake, it's old light, shunning parents and children and grandchildren is not hate, it's love . . . . and on it goes.

These are sick people and they are proud and want us to join them. They think by being nasty we will be attracted to that and want to join them. Apparently it works more than a little. The shunning silences many (or at least keeps them anonymous if not silent) and I understand many do return to the group to end it.

Sentinel

Oh Eve, it is truly something the unique situations that are presented to us because of our association/non-association with a group of dogmatic people. The emotional blackmail.

Don't be too overly concerned. All you need to do is be yourself. Do what your heart tells you and try to show her love and compassion. You will no doubt find that your ability to be this way will impress her a great deal--though she may not tell you. You can be a balanced person, whereas, she is behaving against her own heart.

I hope all goes well.

/<

outoftheorg

Hi Eve.

Sorry you are having to go through these things at a time when all should welcome the little ones and sons and daughters and family.

It ought to be hugs and laughter, not questions doubts and fear and grief.

I went through this a few years ago and decided that I would no longer pursue those who showed little or no interest in me and my family and our well being. Those that by their action or non action brought grief and sadness to me and family.

I leave my door and heart open to these people to change and treat us as family. IF this is what THEY want to do. I no longer pursue them and try to cause this to happen.

Over a period of time, some have "initiated" contact with us and changed their behaviour. Some after 13 years have not.

I see no point in pursuing those who have not.

Life opens up many avenues for love, laughter, happiness and caring. Why keep one way streets, that bring us sadness, grief, tears and anger by pursuing the individuals that send these things our way.

I sincerly hope that these folks do change for you and share what they are now missing out on, as well as you.

Outoftheorg

Special K

Dear outoftheorg...

You said.

Life opens up many avenues for love, laughter, happiness and caring. Why keep one way streets, that bring us sadness, grief, tears and anger by pursuing the individuals that send these things our way.

That is so true.. and written so well.

sincerely

Special K

willyloman

Tell her there are consequences to her shunning your family, but you are willing to work at a reconciliation if she will.

Yes, empower yourself. Even if it has no effect, YOU will feel better about yourself because you demonstrate that you are the mature person in this relationship.

confusedjw

My I suggest dogmaticlly that the very best way to always handle any tough situation like this, is...

1. Write down or mentally catalog the different ways you could handle it.

2. Separately look ahead 1 day, 1 week, 1 month, 1 year, 1 decade, 1 lifetime - with the manner chosen in step one.

3. Chose the way that will leave you with the fewest and mildest regrets as that will be the most positive way out of the potentially negative choices.

Then you can truly say "I did my best".

Confused

confusedjw

As I read some of these posts I'm so grateful that there was one thing I always held back from the WT.

I recall once a few years ago my son and I were have a row and as it ended I was talking to him and making apologies and told him that I couldn't help it, that even though I knew it was wrong I loved him more than Jehovah. It's true and I wanted him to know how much I loved him. He cried and he never cries. He knew just how big a thing I was saying.

When I started uncovering all the problems with dates and the past predictions and coverups I thought long and hard. I took my son to work with me on a Sunday and had a heart to heart with him that no matter what he ever did that he would always be my son and that I would always be his father and a grandfather to his children. That he would never have to concern or worry himself about that. He said that no matter what ever happened with me or his mom he would never shun us.

That was a very relieving day and promise.

garybuss

He said that no matter what ever happened with me or his mom he would never shun us.

My son said something very similar while he was in college and his mother and I were paying the bills. As soon as he graduated, he started shunning us and has since. Going on 9 years now.

How do you tell when a Witness is lying? His lips are moving. . . . .

talesin

Even my daughter would prefer not to see them, mostly due to the fact that they haven't returned any of her calls either.

She is thirteen, bet it would mean a lot to her to decide this for herself.

Just wanted to mention that point, can't add anything to the advice above (lw & special in particular).

confusedjw

That is wonderful.

I had the same conversation with my parents 25 years ago. THEY KEPT THEIR WORD. Although we do not have an 'ideal' relationship (but who does?), they have been very supportive of me, esp. over the last 10 years when I have had some health/financial problems.

garybuss

This is a horrible thing to hear. I'm sorry your son treated you in such a mercenary fashion. I have received similar treatment at the hands of my brother - it hurt far too much, so now ... I have no brother.

talesin

Facing my family.....

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