Need help to blow-off the elders

by Roddy 16 Replies latest jw friends

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  Roddy

  Hi

  I guess I've been away too long, the local circuit overseer is coming, or the local circuit overseer has come by already and got on the elders' backs. I got word from a relative that the elders would like to meet with me for a shepherding call. I guess to 'help' me go back to the meetings.

  I need adivce on how to blow them off for the year. I don't want to leave the JWs because I don't want to separate from my family and relatives that still go there. If I can't blow them off, then how can I satisfy them for a year so they can write on their report card that they did their thing and that I'm not a troublemaker - which I'm not. I'm more of a drop-out rather than an exit-with-style or exit-with-fireworks kind of guy. I was just sick and tired of all the stuff, lies, and make-believe.

  Any suggestions appreciated.

  Thank you

  Rod
• 

  blondie

  You are not obligated to talk to them, Roddy. Supposedly, they are doing this to HELP YOU not THEMSELVES. If you have nothing to discuss, just tell them you are fine and are working it out yourself with more Bible reading and prayer. If you need their help, you have their phone number and will let them know. Avoid letting them into the house.

  It depends on your live-in JW family. Are they pressing you to do it? Are they giving you ultimatums?

  If they drop by, just be prepared with something you need to do just then to get away from the house. Tell them that as you move steadily to your vehicle and get in it.

  Be firm, friendly and consistent.

  Blondie
• 

  Hyghlandyr

  Cut your hair. Shave. Dress in a suit. Answer all of their questions correctly. Tell them you need to study, go out in service and get to the meetings. Work is really wayin down on you and stuff. whatever you do DONT bring up questions or problems in the organization. Also talk about how youve been witnessing at work. How you witnessed to this guy at the supermarket. Stuff like that. You know how to get them off your back..be a perfect example of a jw believer who is just going through a rough time right now as far as time goes. Talk about how you liked the last magazine and make sure you know it and have a copy. Ask them to pray with you. Smile a lot. talk about jehovahs organization a lot. Tell them how glad you are to be living in the time of the end with them a lot. Agree with them when they say you need to get to meetings. but most of all..ask them for a way to answer such and such that someone asked you. Now this has to be something SIMPLE... and NON-threatening. Perhaps somethingg about the paradise or something about the catholics being a false religion. That always helps. Any time they start to get personal with you, nod, agree, and say..that reminds me like I was saying to so and so I saw at work...I was telling him that Jehovahs has an organization. He always has had one..etc etc etc....and then go into something you were giving a witness to someplace other than the door to door.

  Be a magician grasshopper. They use slight of hand. While they are looking at your left hand they wont see that your right hand is holding a copy of "Thirty years a slave of the watchtower".
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  eyeslice

  I am in exactly the same situation myself. I stopped going to the meetings only 3 months ago and so have had loads of elders round to see.

  Above all, don't say anything controversial; you don't want them to get any suspicions you are possibly turning apostate. I think the best way to 'put them off the scent' is to blame everything on yourself. I simply say that I can no longer see a place for myself in the congregation and until I sort myself out, I would just feel a hypocrite attending when I am so unhappy. You get all the "meetings, study and field services will help" advice . Just smile and nod. Tell them how much you appreciated their visit and you will think about things. They go away happy and you just ignore it.

  I am sure as time goes on I will become bolder, I am no shrinking violet when it comes to speaking out. But as the good book says "there is an appointed time for everything". However, given our respective circumstances, now may not be the time to exit with a bang.

  eyeslice
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  Mary

  You can invent some sort of illness too........just don't make it too severe. Tell them that you're depressed or something like that. Elders don't like having to deal with anything that involves someone's mental heath, probably because they haven't a clue what to say. If they ask you if you pray to Jehovah, (and believe me, they will) tell them "Yes, all the time." I find that alot of elders have no real desire to go and call on "inactive ones", but they're forced to just before every CO visit because the Borg is growing more and more alarmed at the number of Witnesses leaving every year and they're desperately trying to stem the flow.

  If you really don't want to meet with them, I would tell them that. This isn't Communist China and you are under no obligation to meet with these people. Thank them for their concern and tell them that maybe somewhere down the road you'll feel more up to meeting with them.
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  undercover

  I think a lot of how you act or respond to attempts by the elders to "help" you depends on how the elders involved act and react.

  I've had several "sheparding" calls. The first couple of visits, I did as Hyghlandyr did, I didn't bring up questions or concerns, I just begged off by saying I needed to take a break. But the last two visits, I came right out and asked about some of the doctrinal beliefs that can't be supported by the Bible and a couple of other issues that bothered me. I was careful to not admit using the Internet in my discovery of questionable things about the WTS, but I didn't hide my doubts or questions. I layed it out for them to respond to. These particular elders, being friends (or former friends) basically backed away and left me alone. I had figured they would. I knew that if I didn't come right out and admit to being "apostate" they would back off. They couldn't answer my questions and being under the control of the WTS they were not going to question things like I had done. They would ignore it and hope to not have to worry about it. There are other elders though, that I know would have pushed the issue and caused problems. Those elders I would not have discussed anything with. I didn't trust them, nor much liked them, so I wasn't going to open up to them with any "problems" that I might have.

  You'll have to use some gut instinct on how you think they may react. Even if you're up front with them, don't overplay your hand. Keep it on your terms and don't give them anything with which to hang you with later.
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  Mulan

  Tell them you still believe but are going through a bad time right now, and the details are private, but you have done nothing wrong. Lie lie lie. If you want to keep them away, you have to do that. Keep your composure, .................or you can just not be home when the appointment is made, but that gets tiresome. Best to get it over with.
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  willyloman

  The advice here is all good. As someone once said, "Be gracious, and grant no interviews."
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  cyber-sista

  An exiting therapist advised me to set up boundaries by using what I call the broken record routine. Come up with something very neutral like"it is really best if we don't meet right now". Or, "I have a lot on my mind and it is really best if I don't talk about it right now" and just use that one line for everything---no matter what they ask. Otherwise you don't have to give out any info. The neutral script takes their power away. they will eventually get weary of your repetitious answer and will go away. You can keep repeating it to them calmly and without any confrontation and then say goodbye, see you later and close the door, walk away or hang up the phone.. so far it has worked. It takes a lot of the stress away for now as I am too emotionally raw to deal with them right now. The broken record routine is easy and you don't have to stress about giving the right answer to all their questions, because the answer is always the same one...the best to you...
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  avengers

  Be like Fred Hall and after they leave, you have your way.