Emotional Blackmail and ex-JWs (page 2)

Big Tex

The elders by and large are only interested in numbers, i.e. how many hours of service, meeting attendance and so on. Yes there are some good and decent men, but most elders, COs and DOs are "company men". By that I mean they will follow what the Society says irregardless of the impact on the individual.

They only want silence and obedience. THAT is what being a Witness truly is. Keep quiet, keep your head down, go to meetings, go out in service. They don't even care if you believe it, just do it. Rather like a beaten down spouse, they expect you to just take it, day after day, year after year.

It doesn?t let up, because it?s not supposed to let up. If they began to treat people kindly with just a dollop of human compassion, people would no longer ?serve?, they would collapse from exhaustion.

Service with fear. Jehovah?s Witnesses are an angry religion, but they focus the anger internally, in a dysfunctional way. The anger is there to keep the Great Unwashed silent and obedient.

And Jesus taught no rules, no structure only love of your God and love of each other. The difference is stunning.

Lady Lee

When I left the JWs all this crap went with me. I was still under their control for another 10 years. It wasn't until I found information about them and the real truth that I was able to break free of their control.

The fear the guilt the shame were all still there. And I had to work at getting rid of it.

A long time ago I dated a man who was in AA. He hadn't had a drink in 25 years. But he was still a drunk in his mind and heart. We need to actively search out the dysfunctions for the control to stop

patio34

Lady Lee,

That's an excellent summary of emotional abuse and how the JWs use it.

Fortunately in my case, I had only one call from an elder and his wife, and they acted a bit wary of saying too much directly to me. They just told me how exciting things were because of the special things coming up, blah, blah, blah. Then the elder called me a few weeks later and asked if I wanted a shepherding call and I declined. End of story.

I'm grateful, but it also shows how little they valued my 28 years with them, that that's all I received to get me back. But it's good so that I didn't have to come up with reasons. The good thing is, ironically, I had cancer and a chronic result of it, so they can't argue that excuse, haha. Actually, come to think of it, if I hadn't had cancer and pulled away from the weekly endoctrination, I may not have left!!

Pat

Lady Lee

glad you didn't get the harrassment calls.

But I have to wonder - is it only the elders? Some have mentioned family. Aren't they a continual problem when it comes to this. Weddings? funerals? meeting them on the street?

I suspect that emotional blackmail is there whenever we have contact with them.

And then there is the stuff we carry inside - all those years of "those who leave are doomed"

When I first left I remember going to the ATM and saw an old JW friend of mine. I used ot lower my eyes and feel bad. (Now I hold my head up.) but that I think is a good example of how I carried it inside

Just like the rest of their controls - we were taught to do it to ourselves

blondie

One thing I learned is I could not and cannot change how my family and "friends" acted or act. But I can change how I react to them.

I remember the day my pedophile father strolled into the KH where I attended. In days gone by I would be the one that would be uneasy and sometimes leave. But I held my ground and I did not let him make me feel like I was the one in the wrong. After just a few minutes, he left and did not come there again while I was attending.

If you encounter JWs from your past, just be pleasant, let them know you are happy and enjoying life without revealing details. Don't play the game, "we miss you at the meetings"; ask them why they haven't called if that is true.

Remember that you are free now and they are still trapped.

Blondie

Free at last, free at last, thank God I'm free at last.

Lady Lee

Remember that you are free now and they are still trapped.

words to live by

Scully

When it comes to emotional blackmail with the JWs, where do you start?

When you're a child, you have your JW parents telling you "Behave, or else you'll be making Jehovah sad, and then you won't be able to have that elephant in the paradise."

When you're an adolescent they instill such fear in you of your peers that you are too scared to trust anyone. For weeks before I started high school, I'd been so drilled with how evil older teenagers were, I was in a panic and was terrified of being gang raped and forced to take drugs by other students. If anything bad did happen, you were terrified of telling your parents because you KNEW they would hand you over to the elders and then you'd get disfellowshipped and not be allowed to talk to your friends at the KH. It was already bad enough that you couldn't hang around with worldly kids from school. You couldn't trust the teachers or counsellors at school either, because they were "part of the world" and were controlled by Satan to get you to do things that were against Jehovah.

When you are a female JW and are deemed ready to begin dating, you are too naive to realize that being "in submission" is interpreted by male JWs as a way to control you. If your boyfriend/husband belittles you, hits you, or attacks your self-esteem, you are expected to display a "quiet and mild spirit". It is never ok to stand up to a male JW, unless it's to get him food or beer. If you are better educated than your husband, you must be prepared to stifle your intelligence so you don't make him look like an ignoramus. Even if he really is an ignoramus. Your eternal life depends on your being submissive to the men in your life, even if it destroys your self worth.

If you have children, you are constantly reminded that their eternal life depends on your example, your submission to Theocratic Order™, your diligence in attending all meetings, going in service, answering at the Watchtower study. If you screw up or get lazy about those things, you are, in effect, killing your kids. If you want to leave the JWs, you get told things like "If you are going to turn your back on The Truth™, you may as well take your three beautiful children in the back yard and blow their heads off with a gun. That way they won't go down with you at Armageddon™ and will be Resurrected™ in the Paradise™." That's exactly - word for word - what I was told in April of 1996. JW parents may tell you "What will I tell your grandparents when they are resurrected and ask why you aren't here?" or "I can't stand seeing your kids anymore, knowing that they are going to die at Armageddon?. We don't want to fall in love with them and have them taken away because you're too [stupid, proud, arrogant, hard-hearted, etc] to come back to The Truth™."

When you do leave, JW family members stop calling and visiting. They make YOU take the initiative to contact them, unless there are exceptional circumstances. Even then, contact will be minimal. If a relative passes away, you may not even be informed right away. If a baby is born into the family, its JW parents may not even bother informing you directly. You have to rely on second and third-hand information, because you are being punished by having emotional contact withheld from you.

Emotional blackmail, which includes shunning, is one of the meanest, most vicious, aggressive and destructive things one person can do to another.

In a religion that claims to be the epitome of the love that would identify true Christians, Jehovah's Witnesses are a pathetic failure.

Love, Scully

Emotional Blackmail and ex-JWs

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