by franklin J 36 Replies latest social family
In talking to my granddaughters, who say they are not having sex, but the 18 year old is realistic that she likely won't be a virgin when she marries, and from watching Oprah............YES these kids are having sex, and they are very casual about it. By the third date, it's expected. My granddaughters say they are in the minority at school, for not having sex.
Joy has the experience to testify to the accuracy of that too.
When I am long dead and we have settlements on Mars?
Sincerely,
District Overbeer
We have a 14 year old daughter who we have allowed to be in groups with a boy she likes. We've allowed her to go to his house and our house as long as there are parents in the home. I feel it is too young for her to be "dating" but we have allowed her to be with a young boy she likes, only if it's in a healthy environment if you know what I mean.
Today was a day I wished I could have been a part of in Grade 8. We picked her up after her music class, she came running into our truck with a big smile and a new "Care Bear" plush toy in her hands. I said where did you get that? She said that at their Grade 8 Valentine's Day Dance her and her "boyfriend" were picked cutest couple. I thought awe is that ever cute.
We never had that chance to have "puppy love", it's innocent and it's a memory that you cherish. I will look back on this day for my daughter and for what I lost when I was young and in the borg.
love
cj
P.S. This is to the men on the board. I know you never want your daughters in the dating experience, you want them to be protected and never hurt, but we have to go through experiences as young woman to become the adult woman you marry and that you'll love and cherish forever.
Happy Valentine's Day guys.
I'm on the opposite end of calamity Janes post.
I have a 17 year old son who has just brought home a friend (who is a girl). I can't bring myself to say a "girlfriend".. We are a bit disappointed that she is only 14 years old, but then again maybe we should be glad she is only 14.. who knows?
And.. we are scratching our heads wondering what to do. For now, we are taking the "calamity jane" approach. and allowing them to hang out at school, public things like basketball games, hockey games, etc.. and at each other's homes if a parent is at home.
What else can I do. If I put my foot down to my 17 year old..that could be more trouble and push him in the opposite direction that I want.
At this moment they are at the School Valentine Dance... lots of people around there.
Alot of 14 year old girls here .. seem to switch boyfriends every few weeks..
I guess I'll find out if this happens in this case.
It's really hard, Franklin.. to know what to do. Even I don't know what to do. I seem to be stumbling through this.
sincerely
Special K
Well speaking from experience if you are not dating in high school you will be singled out for harassment. Most high schools where I'm from start at age 14, senior highs at 16. Why not tell her when she is in x school she can start dating. 12 is too young imo.
thank you all for your very "tempered" replies---all good advice.
I do not think the "sexuality" has become an issue --YET ( although I know that will come)
And I know I have to let her develop on her own--with some "guidance" from Mom and Dad. As I said, 16 is the age we seem to have settled upon .
As to jst2lws response: no steve, it does not offend me to discuss birth control with my children-when they are old enough to understand and make "use" of the advice; my wife and I will be quite forthright with our daughter. It is the whole AIDS scenario that really scares me though. I think it is difficult to make a young person ( who cannot possibly imagine mortality) understand the deadly consequences of AIDS. I do agree that "delaying" the inevitable as long as you can will tend to help. I also believe that they will develop on their own schedule; with or without our interference.
Special K: our son is 9 years old and he is getting calls from girls... somehow I am not as worried about him. Double standard? I do believe that parents with all boys have it just a little bit easier.
having two daughters over 20 i would say it depends on the individual some i would let date at 16 in a group.Others are risky at 21.
Franklin,
It is the whole AIDS scenario that really scares me though. I think it is difficult to make a young person ( who cannot possibly imagine mortality) understand the deadly consequences of AIDS.
You know, I think you are a realist too.
Steve
Btw, your balance is an asset to the JWD community.
Alot of 14 year old girls here .. seem to switch boyfriends every few weeks..
Special K that is so true. Our daughter has been like that, never gets too serious over one boy. When you think she is head over heels over one guy, he breaks her heart one day, she's a blubbering mess but then she's over it in a couple of hours, like I said "puppy love" , innocent for now.
But a 14 year old going out with a 17 year old, that would make me nervous. Right now she is just interested in her own age. Thank God.
Lots of good info Franklin....Sounds like you have a handle on all of it..
Calamity Jane..
Today is Valentines day.. My 17 year old son, made sure he had a nice gift for his 14 years old friend (who is a girl)..
He has also gone to her house for this afternoon and evening.
How much interference from me you ask?
Well, I did call the (friend who is a girl's mother)..to see if there were going to be parents around. (or else he couldn't go)...
(The friend who is a girl's mother).. is just as new at this as I am. but they are all having supper together and then she is going to take them bowling. She has 4 daughters and this is the oldest girl.
I told her that I just wanted to make sure we were both on the same page with things. Us two mothers seem to think the same .. so that is good.
Someone made a huge point .. when they mentioned the huge pressure on teenagers to have ongoing boyfriends and girlfriends. This is so true.
sincerely
Special K
