Do Nice Guys Really Finish Last?

by sandy 58 Replies latest social relationships

  • Xena

    lol well valis was close...and he gets an "E" for using repetition for emphasis.

    My priorities?

    1. My daughter and the man I love

    2. Friends

    3. Career

    I can understand someone you just start casually dating being below the "friend" level, but in my mind once you reach the b/f or g/f level that person should be moved up a bit on the totem pole....I would be very hurt and dislluisoned if I found out my boyfriend placed more value on other his friends than our relationship...that I was nothing more than a bit of fluff in his life.

  • gilwarrior

    Interesting topic. OK here is what I think. Women like a guy who has confidence. I don't have any so I don't attract any women. Also I'm not a good looking guy so that's a double whammy. Anyway, I started working out and I'm forcing myself to talk to more people.

    I think that woman want a guy who stands up for himself and doesn't take any crap. Right now I'm kind of in this "I'm mad at the world" stage. I don't think that will attract any women either. Man, writing this is making me depressed. Forget what I said. I'm out of here.

  • doodle-v

    My hubby is a sweetheart and nice, meaning he's even tempered and adept in social situations. But It really turns me on to see him stand up for himself or tell someone off when he feels that theres an injustice being done. He doesn't agree with everything I say and has his own opinion about things which I respect. So I think its a healthy balance of the two that attracts me to him. The fact that he has the balls to express himself and isnt insecure and that he's comfortable in his own skin.


  • doodle-v

    Hey SeattleNiceGuy, when are you gonna post to this thread? huh?

  • seattleniceguy

    LOL @ doodle-v.

    First, let me agree with Sandy. Dusty: WTF, dude?

    I've been watching this thread with some interest, because I consider myself to be a nice guy. At first it was disconcerting to see a few women saying that they did not like nice guys, but via the rest of the posts and conversations held in person at this past apostafest, I think the primary problem lies in definitions, as many people have already pointed out on this thread.

    For me, being nice and being a pushover are not at all related. Being kind and courteous is not mutually exclusive with having strong convictions and standing up for them. Personally, I'm not at all afraid to defend myself both in writing and in person, and I think my voice is confident when I do. For me, being a "nice guy" means being good-natured and acting with sincerity and empathy for others.

    Looking at the issue in the other direction is also illuminating for me. My ideal girl is a "nice girl," but not in the docile, hiding-in-a-corner way. I look for self-assertiveness and confidence, a strong sense of self and individuality, coupled with a good-natured modesty and concern for others. Really, the qualifications for "nice-personhood" in my mind are exactly the same for both guys and girls. Unfortunately, as terms, "nice girl" sounds entirely different from "nice guy" to me, the latter being the better embodiment of the ideal I strive for.

    My gosh, that sounds convoluted. Lately I haven't been very articulate. But there you have it.


  • maybesbabies

    Well put, SNG! Too bad I'm not a nice girl..........

  • Maverick

    SNG is dead on! Being a gentleman is a must! But being a pushover, weasle, whimp is very unappealing! I think a lot of men are confused about the difference! Maverick

  • sandy

    Very well put SNG!

    I wonder why nobody else has responded to Dustyb's comment.

  • Maverick

    Sandy, check out the tread on jealousy in relationships, it was inspired by his comments. Maverick

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