My new issue.....

by Joysome 23 Replies latest jw experiences

  • Sentinel
    Sentinel

    Joysome...I'm not certain how old you are. Please know that whatever issues your mother has on her own, are hers. You are not responsible for making her feel good, especially if it means not being true to yourself. This would be a form of dishonesty I think.

    I can identify with your sensitivity towards your mom, and her emotional problems. I too, lived my young life trying to cope and deal with these types of issues. These are things a child--even a young adult, is ill-prepared to handle. I felt totally responsible for making my mom happy. She had so much sadness in her life.

    Finally, though, I hurt her terrible when I "walked away" from the borg. She was so hurt, that all she could do was hate me. She hated me with a vengence, and I paid dearly. I was not df'd, but she labeled me and shunned me all the same, for many years. Just last year, I was finally strong enough to let her know some real truths. I know it hurt her, but it hurt me too. She had begun to shun me again, after a period of ten years of limited association. There was no cause for this, other than the borg tightening it's hold on members.

    On the one hand she does honestly seem to admire my courage; on the other hand, she considers me the "walking dead". Our relationship has been ruined, and we tread lightly with words when we speak on the phone. Phone calls are only limited to her health issues.

    The truth was, that in trying not to hurt her for all those years of my silent obedience to rules and regulations, I was in fact, hurting both of us. I do hope this doesn't happen to you.

    /<

  • Carmel
    Carmel

    Navigator's got it nailed! There is no black hats and white hats. We all inherit life, but we make of it what we will. Life and death are metaphorical states in the next existance which is not constrained by physical limitations.

    caveman

  • therealtruthsayer
    therealtruthsayer

    I felt the same way once upon a time. I used to lay awake thinking...."what if Jehovah is pissed at me? What if Jehovah knows I'm doubting him right now as I think? OMG....NOW JEHOVAH REALLY HAS TO BE PISSED BECAUSE HE KNOWS THAT I BEEN THINKING ABOUT DOUBTING HIM AND I SHOULD KNOW BETTER!" Then I would have to laugh it off and remind myself why I didn't get baptized in the first place.
  • bebu
    bebu
    Then I would have to laugh it off

    Good job. This is the real trick to getting out of those spirals like you just mentioned... anxiety breeding worse anxiety... laugh it off and get to bed.

    (I've heard that the devil hates to be laughed at.)

    bebu

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