Hi! It's me again. As I've said before I'm very lost and torn and confused. Part of me still believes in the things that I was taught as a JW. But some I don't.
1. Armageddon. Is it fair that millions of children are killed before they even get a chance to think for themselves? Is fair that they pay for their parents "mistakes" through death?
2. The flood. If god destroyed the earth then, Why didn't he just start all over then. Wasn't Noah proof enough that people would serve him regardless?
3. The fact that the organization had a beginning. Meaning if it's the true religion why did it have to just start? I mean wouldn't it have continued on and on and never stopped or started?
4. The fact that so many things are controlled from watching Soap operas to buying a two door car.
5. The disfellowshipping process.
But there are many things that I liked and loved about it.
1. I always had something to do.
2. I used to have a riot in field service. Boy I could tell you some stories.
3. My hall was like watching comedy central. Honestly, the brothers were hilarious on stage.
4. The love. Everyone loved me. I got along with everyone. I mean I was so exemplary that people would have me hang out with their kids to help them and give them someone to look up to. And I loved them all too! I really did.
5. I felt as though I had a purpose. I was going somewhere in life. I don't now. I just don't.
Now I'm going to go back to #4 of the good things about the truth and one more to the bad things. The EXTREME guilt. Because I was so well liked and people looked up to me. I felt bad when I did things that were "wrong"
Then there's my mom. I love that woman so much!! I miss her. And I know that me not being in the truth right now is hurting her bad. Very bad. She deals with major depression. It's causing her so much anxiety. I wouldn't even want to be the last person to cause her anxiety and right now I'm number one. so there's guilt with that.
I'm so confused.