How do you view your parents ????? very tough question !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

by run dont walk 34 Replies latest jw friends

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  bisous

  They were lied to also, but they just didn't know it. Telling someone else the lie you believe to be true, is not a lie. I think you should lighten up.

  Mulan, everyone has their own experiences and opinions/perceptions as a result. You are absolutely entitled to yours, but at the same time so are the rest of us based on our own very unique situations. I'm not sure telling someone else to lighten up is fair.

  Personally I'm tired of making excuses for my parent. She was a freethinking adult, not a child, when she made the conscious decision to be a JW. That was fine for her individually, but she inflicted great harm (in my Personal Situation) on me as a result. Parents should be accountable. I do hold mine accountable. I'm not sorry about that. Who was there to protect us?

  Yes I was provided physical needs (food, shelter, clothing). Is that all a parent is responsible for? I think not. This goes beyond telling me the lie they were told. My mom says 'everyone raises their kids in their own church'.....This is more than a church -- it is evil and hurtful. This was choosing to adopt a belief system and then using it as an excuse for all the harm it caused to us...'well, that was what the Society said was right'.

  Not everyone's Witness experience was as severe as mine or others....but no one should judge those individuals for their unique experiences and resulting choices either.

  I've kind of ranted here, because it cuts to my core. Hope I've been able to make some sense as well.
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  Tinkerbell4125

  Bisous, even though I hear what you're saying, and I respect that, I realize that many of us came out of a horrible childhood *including myself*. When does the day come when you say, enough is enough, I'm not a victom anymore, rather a survivor? I held on to so much anger and resentment for so long and it sucked the life out of me. It got me no where. I wallered in self pity and self medicated myself with drugs, food and whatever I could get my hands on. There comes a time in everyones life when they have to tell themselves, I may not have gotten what I needed growing up, but I can give that to myself now. Holding on to the issues with my parents only drug me down. I've learned forgiving, no matter who it is, is something you do for yourself, not the other person.
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  Lady Lee

  You know some JW parents were good even though they were misguided about their religion. I am thrilled when I read stories like Mulan's that she had good loving parents.

  Yes you can be upset at the way of life because of the religion but if basically they were good people trying to do their best then it is healthy to celebrate that good.

  But not all of us had that. My mother wasn't much better after she became a JW.

  Parents are different and we all need to deal with the life, parents, and beliefs we were handed. We can choose to hold on to the good and let go of the bad (after dealing with it of course).

  And we are different and deal with it all differently.

  (((((to all of you)))))
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  bisous

  (tink) thanks and I do respect your reply.

  Funny enough, I have said enough is enough and I am no longer a victim. Key to my survival has been gaining the courage to disconnect from my mother and the lifesucking negative energy she represented to me. She may choose to live in denial, I choose to no longer pretend.

  Since I made that decision a huge weight has been lifted from me. I no longer walk around feeling guilty ... I realize I am not responsible for making my mother feel okay about her choices by making excuses for her that leave me feeling rotten, useless, unworthy. I no longer feel guilty or that I am a bad daughter because I recognize her actions for what they were - WRONG AND SELFISH - and having the courage to say so.

  I don't wallow in self-pity (never have) ... I don't have alcohol, drug or food problems (never did). It is not up to me to forgive her, it is up to her to take accountability and forgive herself, if she can.

  If she weren't my mother, I wouldn't choose her as a friend...for a 1,000 reasons....#1 being she is a JW. She never acted like much of a mother when it counted, so its hard to even have that...I don't really feel that maternal/daughterly bond. Why should I fake it?

  Your course of action, it sounds like, has worked well for you and provided comfort and healing. So has mine. Honesty has done wonders for my outlook!!!
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  run dont walk

  They were lied to also, but they just didn't know it. Telling someone else the lie you believe to be true, is not a lie. I think you should lighten up.

  I think you should lighten up.

  I think you should lighten up.

  I think you should lighten up.

  maybe we all should lighten up, close down this board, shut down all websites with jw info, and believe all the Watchtower says ...................

  I think this ranks as one of the STUPIDEST comments i have EVER heard.