How do you view your parents ????? very tough question !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

by run dont walk 34 Replies latest jw friends

  • Elsewhere

    My parents go on about how Jehover Witnesses experience religious persecution... but then turn around and shun me because I am not in their religion.

    You do the math.

  • Nosferatu

    My parents are the people who raised me, nothing more.

  • beckyboop

    (((((((((((((Run Don't Walk)))))))))))))))

    Thanks for the thought-provoking topic. I am still struggling with this issue as well. My parents will very rarely call me (they didn't call about my grandmother's death nor for my sister's wedding), and it's very frustrating for me. I would very much like to keep the lines of communication open with them and talk frequently; but at the same time, I cannot stand to have to continually face their judgements of me, the shunning, the lies etc. So unfortunately I've taken the easy way out for now and just live my life and don't contact them much.

    However, I very much agree with Abaddon on this one. They are the product of a cult--the same as me--except they are still blinded. I too know how to push their buttons, but I'm trying to choose not to. It's extremely difficult for me though because I want for them so badly to see the light like I did. Fact is, if and/or when they do it will be because they were ready and probably won't have much to do with me.

    The bottom line for me is being able to show unconditional love--it's harder than I thought. But I do love them and appreciate the love they showed to me in the only way they knew best. They did many things to show their love for us, like travelling all over the country and meeting people in each place (jw or not). I do respect them for doing the best they could, even though it wasn't quite enough.


  • garybuss

    Now I believe my parents did the best they could under the load of their willful ignorance of common knowledge, their superstitious beliefs in gods and demons, their tradition of ritual religious activity, their denial of the reality of living and death, their resentment and bigotry, and their fear of all key figures and all that is unknown to them. I guess they are model Jehovah's Witnesses. They probably would have been models in any high control group they were indoctrinated into. It's easy for me to see why they are so disappointed in me. I have instincts that seem by nature, unorthodox, inquisitive, rational, realistic, accepting, and daring. Virtually all the elements of my current self must look like a contradiction of them to them. They most likely would have resented me and feared me and rejected me in any context. I guess the Jehovah's Witness context just made their rejection of me easier for them and gave them the justifications and the righteousness to avoid the guilt that normally would go along with the rejection of an offspring over an abstract difference in philosophical opinions and over my desire to abstain from religious behaviors as an adult. Behaviors that they required of me as a child in their care. Plus the Jehovah's Witness context makes it easier to perpetuate the rejection against their own best interests, past a rational ending point and well into the time of their own need. So, I guess my parents would be considered religiously (spiritually) strong. GaryB

  • Doubtfully Yours
    Doubtfully Yours

    I love my parents! They did the best job they knew how with the tools available to them.

    They currently are very active and happy inside the organization, with a great circle of friends; why deny them this satisfaction in their golden years?!

    So what if I missed out on celebrating holidays, birthdays, and if they had us all sit through endless meetings! Not a big deal when you look at the big picture and the end result.

    All things considered, they did a pretty good job with me and my siblings, and for that I'll be eternally thankful to them both.


  • Jankyn

    Abbadon said it...I have two sets of parents, and I really wish I saw the nice ones more and the judgmental ones less.

    Mostly, though, even the "good" side of my parents is tainted by the negative mindset that made them vulnerable to JW teachings in the first place. The older I get, the more I recognize what they've missed. They always see the bad side of everything; the world is a terrible place and getting worse; they're so frightened that they've never gone anywhere or done anything (except peddle books and magazines).

    I'm coming to believe that, while the culture around the organization made things worse, my parents probably weren't in very good shape to start with. I'm just grateful that I don't have to follow in their footsteps.

    And that's the real answer to the question, "How do you view your parents?" My parents are an example to me of HOW NOT TO LIVE MY LIFE. Because I see what a sad, small world they've created for themselves, I hope I'm less likely to do so.

    Jankyn, off to enjoy life and revel in the world's beauty

  • mpatrick

    I love my parents very much, but it has taken time and many life lessons to truly appreciate them. I can't change my upbringing as a JW and I probably will never be able to change them. They are happy and content being JWs. I can't say it never gets frustrating, but I try to look at things as they do and how I did when I was a JW and it helps me get through the rough spots. I believe my parents did their best in raising me and my siblings and I believe they did it with love. I just hope that I can continue to give my own kids my best and raise happy and healthy kids that love and respect me.

  • azaria
    I'm coming to believe that, while the culture around the organization made things worse, my parents probably weren't in very good shape to start with. I'm just grateful that I don't have to follow in their footsteps.

    I was just going to say that. Either you are a good parent or a lousy one regardless of what your belief system is. I grew up in a secular home. Shortly after I left home my parents became witnesses. As my one brother says, this organization was very convenient for them, plus it fit their own paranoi. During the early 60's (Bay of Pigs) my parents would talk about building a bomb shelter in the backyard. There was always this feeling of doom even before they became witnesses. Maybe it was the fact they experienced the war, I don’t know. I guess they could justify ignoring their non-witness children, not acknowledging our birthdays etc etc. For whatever reason we have always had to come to them; phone them to have any relationship with them. I love my mother (my dad passed away-but the same applied to him) but I really don’t like her. I do feel sorry for her. I think she’s her own worst enemy (nightmare-which is probably more appropiate) She has never grown up, very self centred, and always depressed. She has experienced a number of really good things in the last few months. Visiting my brothers in Texas for about a month, going on a cruise for a week and spending the winter in the Netherlands with her sisters. Is she happy? No. She appreciates it but is not happy; she feels empty. I have learned to accept the fact that she will always be like this. I figure that God gave these parents to me for a reason. One thing I am thankful to the JW org for is that it made me look into this belief system and my own and I came away with the belief that this org is definetly not the truth and my own beliefs have become much stronger. So I am thankful to my mother for that and also for my appreciation of classical music. It’s more than a lot of people can say, so for that I’m grateful. How can I forget. She gave me three wonderful brothers!

  • L_A_Big_Dawg

    Well, I was adopted at six months. I have very little information about my birth mother and father. SO I have no emotional ties to them. However, my adopted mom and dad, I love very much. My mom has been dead now for almost 12 years, and I miss her greatly. My dad, is my dad. He is the role model for me in everything except religion.

    I hold both of them in very high esteem. I just wish they didn't belong to that religion.

  • Sneaky Russian
    Sneaky Russian

    I would not like to view this as a tough question at all. Although my father was never a witness, my mother remained a witness and it was through her endevour that I grew up as a Witness.

    Thankfully, she is now no longer a Witness after we both studied this so called word of God to find the discrepancies in the accounts. My father can be a bad man sometimes, and I could take out the frustrations of not having a proper youth out on my mother, but I must remember that she was only do what she thought was the right thing to do. She really believed that taking me to the meetings would save my life. Nothing wrong with that; no shame in being misinformed. But to continue in that path, in light of such evidence, there can be no excuse.

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