Billy Connelly humour (*Language warning*)

by PopeOfEruke 7 Replies latest social humour

  • PopeOfEruke

    Anyone else like Billy Connelly here?? I like number 13....



    Things I hate about Billy Connelly

    1. People who point at their wrist while asking for the time....I know where my watch is pal, where the f*ck is yours? Do I point at my crotch when I ask where the toilet is?

    2. People who are willing to get off their arse to search the entire room for the TV remote because they refuse to walk to the TV and change the channel manually.

    3. When people say "Oh you just want to have your cake and eat it too".F*cking right! What good is a cake if you can't eat it?

    4. When people say "it's always the last place you look". Of course it is. Why the f*ck would you keep looking after you've found it? Do people do this? Who and where are they?

    5. When people say while watching a film "did you see that?". No tosser, I paid 10 quid to come to the cinema and stare at the f*cking floor.

    6. People who ask "Can I ask you a question?". Didn't really give me a choice there, did you sunshine?

    7. When something is 'new and improved!'. Which is it? If it's new, then there has never been anything before it. If it's an improvement, then there must have been something before it.

    8. When people say "life is short". What the f*ck?? Life is the longest damn thing anyone ever f*cking does!! What can you do that's longer?

    9. When you are waiting for the bus and someone asks, "Has the bus come yet?". If the bus came would I be standing here, Knobhead?

    10. People who say things like 'My eyes aren't what they used to be'. So what did they used to be? ears, Wellington boots?

    11. When you're eating something and someone asks 'Is that nice?' No it's really revolting - I always eat stuff I hate.

    12. People who announce they are going to the toilet. Thanks that's an image I really didn't need.

    13. McDonalds staff who pretend they don't understand you unless you insert the 'Mc' before the item you are ordering.....It's has to be a McChicken Burger, just a Chicken Burger get blank looks...........Well I'll have a McStraw and jam it in your McEyes you f*cking McTosser.

    14. When you involved in a accident and someone asks 'are you alright? Yes fine thanks, I'll just pick up my limbs and be off.

  • cruzanheart

    I LOVE Billy Connelly! Another funny one, also with the "f" word liberally throughout, is "Robin Williams Live on Broadway." Parts of that make me laugh until I cry.


  • PopeOfEruke

    Hi Nina,

    Billy's travelling shows are also great - have you seen any of them? He visits places of interests in towns where he is holding a show, and the TV program is edited with some of the "sight-seeing" together with some highlights of his show in that particular town. Its great! But boy he really uses the old F-word; over-uses it I would say sometimes.....


  • Nathan Natas
    Nathan Natas

    Am I the only person who thinks "John Cleese" the first moment I see Billy Connelly? After a second, I remember that John Cleese is a bit older now. What if they played father & son?

  • Yerusalyim

    Never heard of this guy, but he's funny.

    8. When people say "life is short". What the f*ck?? Life is the longest damn thing anyone ever f*cking does!! What can you do that's longer?

    Absolutely hilarious.

  • Angharad

    Excellent - thanks for making me smile !

    I would absolutely love to go to see Billy Connelly live - he's hilarious .

    I love number one !

  • Englishman

    Just watched his "The man who sued God" DVD, it was excellent, despite being set in one of the colonies.


  • Frannie Banannie
    Frannie Banannie

    LOL! That's

    Frannie B

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