I'm New Here.... Part 2

by ZeroKool29 26 Replies latest jw experiences

  • codeblue

    Thanks for sharing the rest of your story, that took a lot of guts. I think your healing is beginning with writing out your trauma.

    I find it very sad indeed when a person with a "good heart" has so much emotional grief, makes a few mistakes and then gets the "boot" when they really need to be shown "love and attention". The elders quizzing you as to " what do you want to do?" ...Heck, they didn't catch on to the fact of the "whole facts"....At a time when you need to be shown true Christian Love, they were NOT there for you.

    It has been my experience that when I have suffered emotional turmoil, I have found that the elders are NOT trained for those issues...they are literally helpless (the only thing they are trained in, is scriptural therapy). There are a few good elders out there, that have experienced life, and some things that we experience. These elders truly know how to shepherd the flock, because they have "walked in our shoes"...

    Take care Zero...you will find the comfort and support that you need to "heal" here.


  • Freddy Krueger
    Freddy Krueger

    Welcome ZeroKool29!

    Thanks for sharing! Hopefully you will find comfort here. As stated, there are many who went through what you did. It is a wonderful thing that you are now awake to the "real" world. Just remember the society loses it's most intelligent people all the time. We are the ones that now know that this is truth. The free minds way of life. God wants us to search and seek (something the society shuns upon) and find ourselves and our truth. This is different for everyone and happens differently for everyone. Best wishes for you on your journey. Trust me, it only gets better from this point forward, not worse. Stay active with this site and I think you will find great comfort and friends and laughter (the best medicine).


  • ZeroKool29

    I am really amazed at all of the positive responses that I've gotten to my two posts. I never expected that. I like to think of myself as an amateur writer of sorts. I like to write poetry and I can post some of them here from time to time. It won't take a genius to see where some of the inspiration for my writings come from. But I have to tell you, seeing people quote from something you've written is very gratifying. I love to read and I love to write and when I think about my life in the "truth" it really hits me, "If I had stayed there I would have been very limited about the things I could read and write." I would be discouraged from looking into different philosophies, which is something that I've really come to enjoy. And, concerning my siblings, this subject plays a major role in how I now look at our relationship.

    I would say that even if my brothers and sister were to start speaking to me again, so much of who I am now is dependent on an open mind and I find SO much enjoyment from talking about the nature of life and the human experience from a philosophical standpoint that, really, what would I gain? My conversation with them would, out of necessity, be very limited. They would not be allowed by me to talk in a manner that would advance their desire to bring me back to the fold. And if I were to start talking about Nietzche or Jung or Freud or Eastern Bhuddist practices and the positive aspects of Satanism, well, you know the reaction. Every word from my mouth would be considered Apostate and they would clamp hands to ears and run away screaming. Ultimately, that's what keeps me from going back: How can I make myself comfortable around people who are so comfortable forgetting they have a brain?

    Which brings me to something else that bothers me about my siblings. You know, they say that they do not associate with me out of love for me and for God. Makes them sound like a pretty faithful bunch, no? But my question is, how much of it is love and how much of it is fear? Fear that by associating with me they too would get DF'd? Or perhaps they don't want me to "corrupt" them with my beliefs? Which #1 is foolish because , if anything, I have ideas. As Kevin Smith said in Dogma, I have ideas, they can change. Beliefs are solid. Peolpe kill for beliefs, die for beliefs. The relationship my siblings and I have is a perfect example of the destructive nature of beliefs. So anyway, they feel I may corrupt them with my ideas. Well, if that is something that scares you, how strong, really, is your faith? Does not their own Bible say they should be willing and able to defend themselves before kings? I don't see how you shore up your own faith and provide a good example of why your way is best by simply refusing to hear the other side of things. And that's one HUGE problem I have with the organization : It's Arrogance.

    The WTBTS is a very arrogant institution. In looking up the meaning of an apostate I came accross a section in an older WT that basically stated that a person who wants to be a JW must accept the fact that the Governing Body is the only source of interpretation of the divinely inspired word of God the Bible. Sorry, I cannot accept that. I cannot bring myself to fathom how I could now ever again believe that the sole interpretation of the word of God the Almighty creator, the instruction manual of the Universe, the only key to mankinds ultimate salvation, rests in the hands of a group of 12 men (no women, mind you) who live in New York. Why New York? Why 12? Why men only? That suggests that every other interpretation of the Bible, every translation, every single sermon of understanding delivered by anyone else, EVER, is wrong! That is to say that 6,000,000 Witnesses are the right ones and the other 5,994,000,000 + of the world's population is dead wrong, worshipping the Devil. And how do the Witnesses EVER plan on overcoming that? There is no way that they could ever reach all of those people, let alone convert them. It's a situation that is doomed to fail. And because it fails over and over again, there's always plenty of time to encourage people to get out there and try harder. I mean, looking at a January WT and seeing the #s of worldwide Witnesses growing and growing each year is encouraging, but on a congregational level, here in the states, could you REALLY FEEL that growth? It seemed like the same people all the time to me. The same people stewing in this small space with these small rules and these small minds, gossiping and back biting and getting into each other's business and causing disruption and on and on and on.

    Anyway, I'm rambling. Feel free to comment on this last post, I want to see what all of you can add to it. I'm sure there's plenty.

  • Freddy Krueger
    Freddy Krueger

    Zero, you hit it on the head.

    ....the Governing Body is the only source of interpretation of the divinely inspired word of God the Bible. Sorry, I cannot accept that. I cannot bring myself to fathom how I could now ever again believe that the sole interpretation of the word of God the Almighty creator, the instruction manual of the Universe, the only key to mankinds ultimate salvation, rests in the hands of a group of 12 men (no women, mind you) who live in New York....

    They are NOT the source. First of all as you said the woorld population is stagering. Everone can not be wrong except for JW's.

    Second, there's enough research showing the origin of the bible itself being a man made book. An account of history and beliefs. Some fact and some myth that has been passed down through the ages, interpretted many ways by many faiths. God can NOT condemn someone for a taught beleif system, especially when it comes to being brain washed by a cult.

    There is so much to learn and know. Just keep up what your doing, you are out of the matrix.

    P.S. As a writer myself would be very interested in some of your stuff. Share it anytime. PM me if you like.


  • Strawberryfieldsforever

    Welcome ZeroKool29!!!

    I had some dealings with the elders and did some things I shouldn't have done. But because of the things I did wrong, it helped me to get out of there. I started thinking more. I'm not proud of alot of my actions, but I am glad to be free now. It's sad that something bad had to happen to set me free.

  • ZeroKool29

    This is one of the "poems" I wrote. Like I said, I don't think it's very hard to see where the inspiration came from. Actually, this was written freestyle. Someone in a poetry room told me the title by way of a subject suggestion and I just started typing line by line and this is what came out. Let me know what you feel from it.

    Built With Brick

    Your house.
    On such a firm foundation

    it supposedly stands
    and none can shake it.
    Fortified and battlements.
    And the law inside this realm reigns supreme.
    The word from on high
    is the final say-so
    and I was cast out of this realm.
    This holy city made of iron
    and wood, and concrete, and bricks.
    Built with bricks it was, and strong ones at that.
    Thrown outside and left to wonder
    what was going on inside.
    But I knew what was going on:
    Hypocrisy, and intolerance.
    So I chose to stay outside these walls
    of fortified brick.
    But as I stood, I looked.
    I gazed and studied

    and I realized that the mortar

    was faulty and imperfect.
    All that holds your house together
    is of chaff and dirt, baser materials.
    Talk of mistrust and whispers of deviance.
    And nothing done to those
    but me, the one cast out.
    And now, my own family you take from me.

    My own blood you seek to cut off.
    And they swallow that pill with joy.

    And the eagerness of their dismissal
    makes me wonder

    if they ever truly wanted me in the first place.
    And if there is a word, or some prose that I can speak,
    anything I may utter,
    that may bring down that wall
    may it find a way.
    For this exile is too harsh and too unfair.

    I may be a prodigal son,

    but I find no comfort in your walls.

    and you should know what I have seen.

    The outside looking in
    at your carefully lain bricks
    held together with cement
    born of imperfection.

    It will crumble soon.


    A.P.H. 2003
  • Doubtfully Yours
    Doubtfully Yours

    Wow, sounds rough.



  • Freddy Krueger
  • Angharad

    Welcome to the forum Aaron

  • liquidsky

    Welcome Aaron!

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