by Pleasuredome 18 Replies latest jw experiences
Mantra on life:
Life is life,
Life is good.
Life smells sweet,
Just as it should.
Now I can do lots of funky stuff with my life, that I was barred from doing before.
I appreciate and savour the things that I was not permitted.
Life is goooood!
Now repeat the mantra after me...
after analysing the past 6 years i realised that i hadnt achieved anything. the borg had instilled in me such a short-term focus and expectation of armageddon, so i was unable to plan for anything in the future
I know exactly where you are coming from, although I was a little bit bitter about it at first. But somehow I managed to walk away from my simultaneous divorce and disfellowshipping and do something with my life.
I went to college to get qualified and bought a house and a motorbike. That was nine years ago and you know what? In 11 days time, I make the final payment on my mortgage. For the first time in my life, I will be financially secure and able to splash out on some things I never dreamed of.
I can't tell you how good that makes me feel, I feel like saying "Up Yours Watchtower!" I would have never accomplished any of this with the zero motivation for life that organisation gave me.
Yeah life is good ... !!!
(your questionning about the short term stuff made me thinking about something I have to fight or not against ... or at least moderate )
The only thing I've been able to plan long term was my motherwood ... Everything else I just couldn't and still can't, I do function by little, medium or big "steps" one after the other on opportunities ...
it's like the world and what happen to human kind is still my priority ... (maybe a kind of personal jw stigmat) I just found out why I'am what I'am and why I'm doing what I'm doing ! THANKS PD !!! ... I mean what can really interesting me NOW ...
What can I really be interested in other than my babyboy and my people (the world ... yes I know it's big LOL) but well the problem is that my baby boy will be 22 in 3 months, he don't really need me same ways and as much as before and even working now for good and want to fly away and move in his own appartement with his girlfriend (which is a good thing ... I'm a bit tired of having a couple kissing and hugging all the time in the house ... While I can't even thinking of having fun myself at home if wanted/needed whenever I want ... Geez !) Even flirting is a bit Herm !!! Even for the guy, the first think that come into their mind (as my friend told me) is geez I can't messed up ! I already have a quiet strong personnality and this is just TOO MUCH ... I'm a bit tired of the situation ... It is a kind of frustrating now for real !!! I'm quiet happy but I don't feel THAT FREE OR IN A POSITION to live my life ! so I'm not THAT HAPPY ... and well the good part of it is that finally my main goal didn't change (so good or not good I don't know, but it keeps me alive now for real ...) And life will tell for the future as usual, step by step
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great post PD.
i guess i'm roughly the same age as you, but perhaps got out of the collective when i was a few years younger, i left school at 15 and did what jw's do, yep, i cleaned windows, i remember being so cold doing that job that i hated my life , in the snow, rain, wind, everything, but it gave me lots of time to think... by 19 i was totally out of the borg and onto what has been like a rollercoaster ride ever since, a mush of extreme lows and occasional highs, a journey of setting unrealistic and unachievable goals and firing myself at them with full force, the troubles of a young man never ever being satisfied with anything he does, like throwing an egg against a wall, i went splat, and splat, and splat again, but kept going.
time has gone by and i'm 26 now, i've been to 20 countries and have a company in china, not rich yet, but at least when things go wrong i have only myself to blame, there are good days and there are bad ones, time's i've been so broke and down and out i was ready to blast myself, and times i wasn't ;).
because i've been through the shit, i know what it's like , and when i have something, i appreciate it, albeit i have difficulty expressing my feelings to other human beings, i can also comfortably say that i can handle anything thrown at me, whether it's solitaty in prison or breakfast at tiffany's, i'll get through it and still laugh.
i try to be realistic and grounded about my life and not totally lose the plot (though i do on occasion), you know i've done bad things, but i've also done good ones, there's no happy ending, it's like an on going ride that i still have to live, and i feel that one of the major reasons i am able to live this life and deal with things is because of my jw upbringing, i did not enjoy it , but being brought up a jw you learn to go without, that you ARE different, and i learned to study the nature of different people and things. without this upbringing i would never even have had the stimulation to develop the thoughts i have had, or do the things i've done, or even survive at times.
i think the only way to build a future is to never forget your past, just remember it and keep looking forward, life is not ideal, all the goals i set myself were for before i was 25, so i've already failed at what i set out to do, but so what, i didn't stop trying.
i find life difficult, and most nights i still go to sleep dreaming that i don't have to wake up the next day, but i always do, so i keep myself distracted, i don't have issues with the society, none beyond superficial conversation and humour, my issues and battles are within myself, my parents are still jw's and are cool with me... it's normal for parents to watch their children develop, but it's a humbling experience to be a child and watch your parents grow.
this is turning into an essay, and i don't know if it's encouraging or not, but i know what i came from and know that whatever direction i go, i'll survive, and when occasion happens that i'm home and i come across someone who knew me when i was growing up, i can smile and look at them with a twinkle in my eye because i'm not a window cleaner anymore.
(removed the first version of this post because i'd edited it too many times and i don't like the way those edit comments look!)
Many good points, dh, thanks for sharing about yourself.
I can actually relate to a lot of what you're saying.
Such a good attitude - you're fortunate! And why are so many awesome people so tormented??
Love,
Seeit
What is happening to me crazy some would say
Where is the life that I recognize, gone away
And I won't cry for yesterday there's an ordinary world somehow I have to find
And as I try to make my way to the ordinary world I will learn to survive
Welcome to the Ordinary World, PD. BTW, I don't think you have achieved nothing in the past six years.
PD, that was heavy.
Lemme just say: 4 decades in, 3 years out ("out," like, get real LOL)...
Naw, don't cry for yesterday! I just had a great conversation tonight with a fellow JWDer from Central Europe (just now over to U.S.)...
No regrets, for either of us.
Life goes on (and I mean that in the most positive sense possible! )
Craig (and you-know-who )
HEY FELLOW APOSTATES,
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