I have to say that it was quite a strange feeling. For many years that I was in, I had to do a lot of pretending with various teachings I personally didn’t believe in. Still, I believed in some foundation and went for that. Hence, it was only natural that I rekindled with the fake me yesterday. I felt like an actor in a movie, playing a role. The role of the faithful JW who believed everything and tagged along and I played the part well. I was searching ever verse in the new “silver sword” bible, sang loud and well (at least the first one) and said a clear AMEN at the prayer. Heck, if I had stayed for the watchtower, I easily could have raised my hand to make a comment everyone would have appreciated.
Felt like some type of twisted game. The only time I can remember being this fake and shallow was, well, the last time I was at the Kingdom hall!
What was a bit stranger yesterday is the fact that I now don’t even believe in the concept of a personal loving God. Hence, hearing my Dad talk about getting to know Jehovah was even more infuriating inside as I realized that the several arguments were shallow and baseless. Also, these were somewhat “machine gun” arguments. Several arguments delivered so quickly that you don’t really have time to evaluate. At the end of the talk, you’re supposed to think: Well, there were several reasons, in fact, so many that I can’t remember them all!
For instance, he was saying that you can be friends with Jehovah and get to know him like Abraham did. Alright, so, a friend of mine comes to my house and tells me to sacrifice my own son. Does that sound like a real loving friend? God is love! Aside from the stuff he did during Jesus’ ministry of three years, sounds like gods interaction with humans was by and large about killing people or making them sick. The bible says in a few places that God is slow to anger. Does that sound like a God that would send 2 bear to kill 42 children? God wants woman to be submitted to their husband as the husband is submitted to the lord. That was written in a letter by a single man <let that sink in>.
I was so annoyed by all this, I told my mother in law yesterday that the next time I’ll go there will be for a funeral. Still, I think I will take my boys in one day to show them what his parents believed and what some of his family still believes. I will also take them to church and see if I could not go see other religions out there. I believe it would be useful for their upbringing in understanding out to deal with religious people. I will certainly get there when they are teenagers. Right now, they are still a bit too young.
Aside from that, members of the congregation were polite, and the congregation had many in attendance. And yet, it was a gorgeous day outside.
Another tiny bit worth mentioning, a sister that saw me grow up in that congregation was there and told me she very much enjoyed my talks when I was there and that I was so spiritual back then without actually telling me to come back. I then asked her about her son that was about my age. She told me he was still disfellowshipped. I asked her if we was still at the same job over the last 5 years. She told me he had been there for the last 10 years. I answered: Wow. Very happy for him. He could have turned much worse than this considering some of his social circle when he was younger and look at this: A serious man able to hold the same job for ten years. Quit a man! She than looked at me with a look similar to a Stopford wife who just had a glitch, confused by her happiness about someone saying something nice about her son and the fact that he is nonetheless disfellowshipped.