I Need Some Help From Child Abuse Victims.

by shamus 22 Replies latest watchtower child-abuse

• 

  shamus

  This may be a long read...

  My old roommate and I made a "break" from the lie. We moved away to another town. I will not mention which town just incase he is lurking....

  He was a nice guy. He worked hard, and we drank beer and had a great time together. One thing that I did notice is that he had no sense of control... he always would take a joke too far, no matter what the consequenses. I cannot go into details to protect his anonymity.

  Anyhow, we made "the break" and moved away. We told nobody. We ran away, being "bad" dubs, LOL! We both made a pact not to go back to the kingdumb hall until we moved. When we did eventually move, about 2 months later we went to the local kingdumb hall for the memorial. We were literally attacked by a certain elder, because he wanted to know if we were "partying" kind of people, LOL! Also, my best friend was DF'd down there... and we hung out with him despite the dire warnings of his disfellowshipment, LOL! The elders did not know, but it was just too funny.

  Anyhow, he told me that his father abused him sexually. Now I did not know this in my town where I used to live, and was the next best thing to a MS. I ran the sound system and helped with magazines to get me away from the "meetings", LOL! I asked the elders if he could be the "mic boy". He said that he probably would not be allowed... well, the elders told me okay, but to "watch his assosiation", whatever the hell thatmeans! Anyhow, he was a mic boy and all was bliss. It was pretty weird... I know that he met with the elders for several hours. I bet it was about the abuse that he suffered... but remember, I did not know this! Not until later....

  Well, we stopped going to meetings for about 1 month before we left, and we left with no fanfare. No goodbyes, no nothing, good riddance. I never felt so rejected in my whole life. Nobody said goodbye to me, because I did not make the last months meetings. Thanks for the love.

  Anyhow, we were happily living in that town. He was miserable. I remember him overreacting to situations and freaking out over nothing. (dishes). He was yelling and screaming at me. When I went into his room to ask him what was wrong, he told me that his dad molested him and nobody believed him. I have told nobody this until today.... he was crying like a little boy. I cried too. It was a horrible thing to have to listen to him cry. A grown man.

  Well, we patched things up and moved ahead. The thing was that he was a compulsive liar. Now I mention this because, are people who were molested capable of this? I'll explain.

  We had a fight over something stupid, and the next day his mother had "cancer". He had to move back home. Well, we all felt sorry for him and made him feel better. He was leaving... well, after he left, his mother calls me and asks me what happened. He was a mess. He was upset, and lied to her about everythign... how he won a competition, etc. etc. etc...

  It turns out she did not have cancer. She was shocked that he said that... I basically told him to F-off and never wanted to speak to him again. After all, he was a "compulsive liar".

  Is this a trait of someone who was molested?

  The more I think of this the more I think that I truly abandoned him. We were really good friends, and this may have killed him.

  What do you all think here? I am just really confused, and haven't thought of this till this day.

  Again, he would always take things too far.

  One time we were staying in a hostel in the rockies, and he poured beer all over some Australians sleeping bag. We were talking trash about them, but I would never have done that! I was really pissed off!

  I don't know. Something does not make sense here, but, the more that I think of it, the more it does... if that makes sense.

  I would love to find out where he is and see what really happened.
• 

  FlyingHighNow

  Shamus,

  This is a very sad story. How old were you when you decided to stop your friendship? Your age may have factored into your decision.

  Compulsive lying. Maybe you should look it up and learn more about it. I know some compulsive liars who were molested. I know some who weren't. I have noticed it can run in families.

  Try not to beat yourself up. Your ending of that friendship sounds like only a tiny part of his many sadnesses. Try to remember that regret is much healthier than guilt.

  I hope you can find him and tell him how you feel. I am pretty sure it would be good for him. Even if he tells you to go to H-E-L-L, it will help him anyway. If you are to err, err on the side of love.Hugs.

  Heather
• 

  neverthere

  Shamus, it sounds as if he may have suffered from some sort of mental problem. I am not trying to be funny or anything, but it sounds as if he may have suffered "illusions of granduer" or some sort of delusions.

  Don't blame yourself, until he recieves help he may always be like that.

  Diana
• 

  Big Tex

  Is this a trait of someone who was molested?

  The scope of personalities is far too broad for anyone to say. People, whether abused or not, are rarely (if ever) able to be categorized as all one way or all another.

  Having said that, it sounds like your friend had some pretty big issues with anger. The scene you describe where he is crying, sounds like he was in a great deal of pain. Is that from not being believed, or from being abused? Are there physical reasons for his emotional outbursts? I can't say, based on what you've described, but I think your friend was probably suffering from depression which is oftentimes anger and sadness turned inward. Then the question becomes what was he so angry and sad about?

  But as far as lying, some people victimized in a dysfunctional home will lie, and lie compulsively. Sometimes it is to gain attention, but more often it is to hide perceived flaws in themselves or their family. I did for years. I lied to myself and to others to keep anyone from suspecting my family was anything but "normal". In reality, everyone in our hall thought my parents were very strange. But I didn't know that, so I would lie.

  It could also be that he is acting out a role assigned to him by his parents. Maybe he heard his parents say, "Oh well, no one believes[your friend]." Or, "He's lying." My mother did that to me, constantly growing up. She loved to screw with my mind or even better to badmouth me to others. If your friend's parents were similar, he could have grown to become a liar just to fulfill that role. It would be a way for him to get noticed, albeit in a negative, harsh way, by his parents.

  It sounds kind of crazy, and it is, but growing up in an abusive, dysfunctional home is a place where up is down, black is white and you never know it until you're out of there.

  Edited to add: it is possible that if he reached out to tell others about the abuse and was not believed (which the Witnesses certainly would not believe him) then it is possible that he could have taken up lying figuring that "no one believes me, they think Im a liar so I might as well ...". I really feel for your friend, it sounds like he was confused on several levels. I hope he found help.
• 

  Nosferatu

  I don't think a person's complete personality could identify him as an abuse victim. What it sounds like happened was his conflicting emotions of the abuse and his personality combined and caused him to go too far when doing certain things. I can relate to you Shamus because I was living common-law with a girl who was sexually abused. Her mood would change at the flick of a light switch.

  I remember him overreacting to situations and freaking out over nothing. (dishes). He was yelling and screaming at me.

  Yeah, I got that a lot. Screaming and yelling over incredibly small things. Something as small as asking a request could set her off.

  One time we were staying in a hostel in the rockies, and he poured beer all over some Australians sleeping bag.

  In my opinion, a sexual abuse victims' (without therapy) emotions become intensified because of their past. Any sense of frustration, anger, cruelty, etc will have ten times the effect that they would have on a normal person.

  There's one thing I'm not completely sure of though. I'd sleep in the same bed with my ex, and I found myself in strange situations. I woke up suddenly once because she was on top of me trying to choke me in her sleep. Whether this had anything to do with the abuse, I don't know.
• 

  shamus

  Thanks for the replies..

  Oh, I know that he was a liar. At work they used to call him "liar XXXXXX". We didn't like him at all at the end...

  He was crying over his abuse, not the dishes.

  Yes, I know that he had serious emotional issues. They did not manifest until we became good friends. He once told me that I was the best friend he ever had.

  What I am really asking here is in your experience, could he have been molested? Are these signs of a potential molester? His emotions were all over the place.
• 

  shamus

  Nos,

  Thanks. That is what I was kinda getting at... it sounds like, although I totally dismissed his "bullshit" story when he left, because of his compulsive lying, I think it was true. I think he needed help.

  I was so angry when he left. We were so angry. When we found out that he was lying, I told my friends what he told me. We were furious! I guess that we thought that he lied, and he must have lied about everything.

  I sure hope he's okay. I am going to try to find him maybe. He has a common last name for the area.. it's like trying to find mr. wong in china.

  This has bothered me for years, and I need to find out what happened. I just don't know..

  He called me about 1 month after his mother called, and I told him to f-off. I called him a liar. I wish that I knew then what I knew now.
• 

  Sassy

  You can't hit yourself over the head with this Shamus. You went on what you thought was going on. Do you still have his mother's number? that you might be able to reach him with?
• 

  shamus

  I try not to, Sassy.

  It's just that If I knew what I know now, I would have never acted that way. Like I said, I just thought that the whole thing was made up! I don't think it was now....

  No, I don't have her phone number. Nor do I have his.

  I don't want to say names or anything just incase he is lurking or is an active member here. If he is, I will close this thread down at his request.
• 

  Sassy

  if he is lurking, although you do not implicate him in any way for others to know, he would probably know.. and hopefully then he will contact you.

  I wish you luck Shamus