'Unscriptural Divorce,' & Remarriage?

Rabbit

Hey,

I'm new too, I guess the saying, "misery loves company," is true in some ways. In reading some of the posts...I see a very sad and common theme of extreme depression and loneliness. I am very much among that group, too. I fail to understand how throwing away friends and relatives is very Christian, just because some one falls or walks away from a religion. After 7 years of separation, then divorce, I remarried a wonderful woman, they all liked her. Then, just before the wedding I'm informed that no one is coming or will have anything to do with the wedding. It's been 3 months with no contact from about JW 25 relatives. You see, she wasn't a witness!

My X was told she had NO grounds for divorce, she did it anyway. Since the divorce was not 'scriptual', my marrying could get me DF. In any case I'm definitely 'marked' and stopped going a few years ago. No action (official) has been taken, but, my family says I should have remained celibate OR and get this: "only marry in the Lord." Guess how many dates I could have gotten with JW women? Right...! So-o...'Catch-22,' huh?

I am being pretty much treated like DF.

Does anyone have any experience with stuff like this? What is likely happening right now? What is likely to happen? One of my relatives...trying her best to explain their actions to a non-witness, said they will continue to talk to me at regular family gatherings, then more ominously, "unless something changes..."

So, though I am not glad to see others misery, at least don't feel like 'I'm the only one.'

Sincerely, Lee PS: I just read 'Dave's' repost of: My Two week consulting trip to Bethel. It was very good and reminds me of things that have happened and IS happening in my life right now. I do not agree with all his conclusions and personal judgments about the Witnesses, but, THAT is the beauty of True Free Will, isn't it? I highly recommend reading it...

Double Edge

Hi Rabbit....

I've never been a dub, so I really can't answer your questions.... I just wanted to let you know that it is a little late tonight, so your post might not get read a lot until later.... if that's the case, try bringing it up during the morning hours....( just a suggestion ... and btw - - WELCOME!

Double Edge

notperfectyet

Hi and welcome Rabbit,

First off let me tell you that you are looking for acceptance in the wrong place. The fact you want to be haughty and say everyone here seems depressed is so wrong. The majority have found freedom in the religion that kept them in stupid rules that are un Biblical, and they are free and happy with it.

You seem to want validation for your wife divorcing you, you couldnot date or even look at another sister, or her you, until you find the perfect person who has no JW ties. So she marries you.

Facts are, with JW rules, you will be disfellowshipped, not for the fact that you married out of the faith but that you married at all.

My Brother is in the same circumstance, and his wife who was "weak" in the faith at the time, is now stronger than ever, and the fact she is 300 lbs plus means he will never be " scriptually free " Because she will only marry in the "faith" ( Lord ) and we all know who good Witness men marry, 100 lb 18 yo witness virgins with no kids. ( I aint explaining the virgin thing with kids, look it up in the bible )

So if your looking for a way out, accuse your ex of cheating, lie about her...and tell the realitives how awful she was and she made you do it. Hopefully you have an elder in the family who can pull some strings, but I may be a little late, it should of started years before you got married.

And your thoughts on seven006's post, he is right on. But don't ask me to prove it, you have to of lived it.

Keep reading and learning and enjoy!

Regards

LittleToe

Rabbit:
Welcome to the forum.

Rather than folks here being in a deep depression (although perhaps some are), many of us have just begun to live!

I suggest you start to, too.

You haven't attended meetings in some time, you have a lovely wife, who no doubt has family, and you have an opportunity to break free of the WTS's controlling ways.
Enjoy your life, my friend, because the future looks rosy.
Maybe your other relatives will have pause for thought, when they see you "living"

Maverick

Welcome Rabbit: Little Toes is right! Many here go through stages of recovery! I believe the more a person bought the WTS's happy crap, the more likely they will be depressed when they first come here. After a while they realise the WTS is not "Gods Channel" and that they are in fact a fraud!

As for the Marrage thing. Enjoy your wife, and be happy you are out of that mess! We all have baggage. My ex ran off with a worlding and chucked the whole JW world. Until her "soul-mate" got carted off by the FBI and put in jail...where he still sits six years later! When she was reinstated my life in the J-dud world started to unravel. She told all manner of crap to any sister or Elder who would listen. I was a pariah to the sisters after that. Best thing that ever happened to me. Helped me see all the lies and BS in that whole way of life!

You are free! Forget all the WTS legalistic crap. Enjoy your life and wife! Maverick

czarofmischief

technically, they are in a position to DF you.

So, I recommend writing a letter of disassociation, thereby cutting off all contact with the borg. Then your family will have to face either leaving you alone forever or breaking the rules - but the most important thing is to overthrow the power of the elders early on, that way they can't harass you, and you won't have to go through the psychological trauma and abuse of the judicial committee. Trust me, those events are humiliating, confusing, and useless.

Enjoy being married. I got married myself. Smartest thing I ever did. The sooner you get to building a new life for yourself, the sooner you can start to enjoy it.

CZAR

nobody told me

My ex-wife got an unscriptural divorce,backed by the eldes dubs. They threw the Family Book at me, $%@holes

When I began to pursue another relationship they d'fed me.

Happily remarried with a 4 month old baby boy.

You can get a divorce with the dubs, but not remmarried. Explain that one to a lawyer.

LittleToe

Czar:

So, I recommend writing a letter of disassociation, thereby cutting off all contact with the borg.

I wouldn't recommend that at all. Why force them into such a position, when it's probably difficult enough already.
The cookie is crumbling, let it fall where it may.

Meg

I am actually going through a semi-similar situation. I am in the process of going through a divorce that at this point has no scriptual grounds. I am getting alot of grief from my family who up until this point has not talked to me since I got married. I have gone out on a couple of dates and have now started seeing someone (non JW of course) , so I know it won't be long before I am df'd. My dad actually called me for the first time in six months just to remind me that I am not free to see anyone and to ask if I was.

Rabbit

notperfectyet:

First off let me tell you that you are looking for acceptance in the wrong place. The fact you want to be haughty and say everyone here seems depressed is so wrong. The majority have found freedom in the religion that kept them in stupid rules that are un Biblical, and they are free and happy with it.

Hi everyone,

I think you misunderstood me badly. It was a simple observation from a new reader on this forum. I noticed that you have posted hundreds of times, perhaps you have been here long enough that you don't notice it as much. I only know what I've read since the first of the year -- on the subjects I was interested in. At first, I thought YOU got it wrong, then I noticed others thought the same. I re-read my post and IT DID sorta sound that way to me, too. So, sorry. I meant to get across the point -- that the 'LEAVING' process was so depressing to most people -- because of what and who they lose in their lives. The many people who said they thought of suicide, not being able to talk to their children, parents, brothers and sisters, friends...is this NOT depression?? Well, since I have experienced MOST of these things already, including a suicide attempt, I think I qualify as a person who recognizes depression when I see it. Having said that, I don't feel so alone anymore, because I do see this 'common theme' it helps me to know that so many people seem to have gone thru that phase and DID end up feeling happy and free! I needed to see a psycologist for a year to get thru this, it helped. Despite all the discouragement from Witnesses who told me what I REALLY needed to do to be happy -- get back to meetings so I, as an Elder said,"wouldn't LOOK so guilty"(can you believe that?) My X was 'pure as the driven snow' of course -- as far as they knew!Cause SHE was still going to meetings and out in service!

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- notperfectyet only,

Now--as far as you deciding that I am 'haughty', you don't know me well enough for that label, do ya'?

I hope I HAVE found the right place for acceptance. I certainly don't have it at the local Kingdom Hall, my relatives or my family, do I?

Please don't judge me and slap me down...?

I did not say that you were depressed. Were you ever when you left...?

I do agree with your other statements and observations.

I'm still on this journey...give me a hand?

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

This is one of the hardest things I've done in my life...I want to:

Try to preserve my family and relative ties, so I don't think it's a good idea to

throw this in their faces and challenge the Elders to take action.

I would like to talk to someone who's gone thru this, maybe they have found some ways to 'stay under the JW radar'.

I am very happy with my new wife and my life. However, my children are very important to me, too. They are very much influenced and controled by their mother and her family. I'm sure they are concerned about 'going against the truth' and losing their Mom, friends and relatives, too! It's a SAD 'Merry-go-round' Makes me wonder how many people are truly at the KH ONLY because they don't want to lose the people they love...?

Sincerely, Lee

'Unscriptural Divorce,' & Remarriage?

Share this