Need advice on fade...
The elder that was the coordinator of the BOE has just left town to attend one of those infamous schools with this wife. The view is that he will most likely return to be appointed CO. Not sure he is going to stick around here for a lot longer.
I am saying this because, despite them knowing he will return when the school is over, they removed him from the coordinator position and appointed someone else. It was announced last night that the biggest jerk of the group of elders is now the coordinator of the BOE. He is a misogynist, authority and power hungry man who has no problem bragging about his elevated position.
in your experience, is it better to pull further away from the org in cases like this? or is it better to slow down?
My concern is that it's been over a year since my last FS report and no one has come to visit. On itself is a good thing, but I am starting to think that the previous coordinator was a much nicer and understanding person. I am afraid this guy is going to be more aggressive.
Doing nothing is probably your best play. You're not necessarily even on his radar. Why doing anything to remind them you exist.
I know it can be hard on the ego, but "out of sight, out of mind."
What does it really matter who the COBE is, your wanting to fade out of this organization so your mind is already set ?
I would simple write a DA letter stating your intentions and be done with it.
Make it polite and sincere though .
STA - it must be hard, living on 'tenterhooks' all the time. My heart goes out to you. xoxo
I have just copied this from a reply I made to "no longer a ministerial servant", and I think it very well fits into your situation.
Im curious but from the time of you fading to getting the call of deletion had there been much follow up. Talking from experience (and not that I am complaining) I'm surprised at just how little in attention they give to faders. In fact it puzzles me when I hear reports of constant unannounced and unwanted visits from elders, because this certainly wasn't the situation in my case. I'm starting to think this may perhaps be the norm rather than the exception. I've said this many a times on here how it amazes me an organization that will spend billions of dollars and man hours aimlessly knocking on empty doors and yet will do relatively nothing to retain that member. So much for going after the lost sheep.
Watch out for bullying COBEs! Had plenty of experience wth those. Lie low and stay under the radar is my advice.
Yup, lie as low as possible, way under the radar.
But be prepared as to how you will handle any contact. sek advice on here if you need to, but recognize that ,unless you are prepared to D.A, you will have to put up with the feeling that you constantly need to look over your shoulder.
This feeling goes eventually to a large degree, if nothing happens, but of course, you do still have to be careful if you do not want to get slung out.
Decide what outcome you eventually wish to achieve, and how you are going to do that. Ask away on here all you want, we are here for you.
If you handle yourself right, here's the worst case scenario:
First, new jerk-COBE will have a bee in his bonnet about his new responsibilities. He may very well notice you haven't been in service and may schedule a shepherding call.
At this point you have two options: decline the shepherding call if your wife lets you, or accept the call.
If you decline, he may try to insist. Just say, "No thank you! I'm sure there are others in more need of your help!" So long as you're polite in declining and don't go "1914 WAS A LIE! JET FUEL CAN'T MELT PYRAMIDS!" he'll give up eventually.
If you accept, just nod your head, don't give any specific answers and thank him profusely after the shepherding call and go on about your business the same as before.
My advice....live your life the way you want and don't worry about them. They only hold power over you if you let them.
Carry on as you are doing now. If he is misogynist and hates women he might not bother with you.