My mom called today

Ghosthunter

She always calls me at work. I haven't heard from her in almost 3 months. (She never calls anywhere NEAR the holidays.) Mind you, I've been DF'd almost 20 years, and was only officially baptized a year. She calls me and prefaces her conversation, as always, "Hello, it's your mother." I say, "Hi, mom, how are you." The next thing she says, HAS said for the last 20 years, "I was calling to check up on the boys." Mind you, my "boys" are almost 18 and 22. I say, "Everyone's fine, mom." and go on to tell her all the news. She says, "Well, I hate to keep you since you're at work." Like I said, she ALWAYS calls me at work, probably to avoid talking to me for an extended period of time. We talk for a couple more minutes and she hangs up.

There are SO MANY THINGS I want to tell her and share with her but I can't, because I'M AT WORK. If I try to call her when I'm at home, she acts all nervous and distracted and the conversation never goes well. It's like I've trapped her and she doesn't know how to get away.

I hate it. I absolutely hate it. I'm an only child and my mom raised me alone. It was always just "her and me against the world". I was depressed for the rest of the day. It's very hard to be rejected by one's own mother.

I'm not out to make anyone feel sorry for me, I just wanted to "vent" to people that would understand. Thanks.

GH

Sassy

I can relate. She probably feels guilty for talking to you very long and thus sets herself up for a short call. I know this probably doesn't help a great amount, but I know there are those whose family is cut and dry and has absolutely nothing to do with them at all. She is really going against the 'rules' to even make the short calls.. she obviously still loves you..

be angriest at the organization that tears us apart from our loved ones.. but focus on the fact that feelings are there.. even if they aren't allowed to show them..

codeblue

I feel so bad for you...Like Sassy said your Mom obviously cares for you or she wouldn't make the phone call, and is scared if she gets caught talking to you for long she will be in trouble (due to her JW training). Maybe your boys can mail her a letter... can fill her in on everything and then they can say: Mom says...(fill in the blank...what you couldn't say when she calls you at work..) Just a thought....

Gee, I wish I had a MOM...lost mine to cancer when I was 14....But it must feel the same to have one and not be able to communicate. You must have been a teen when you were df'd. My kids don't know how I feel about the "truth" right now...and won't, cause I was too good of a JW mother when I raised them...Maybe one day, If I can keep trying I can help them with the "real truth".

Meanwhile, take care and know others here "feel" for your situation.

Codeblue

lisaBObeesa

Ghosthunter,

I'm so sorry. I don't even know what to say. On one hand, it must be good to hear from her. On the other hand, it is a painful wound to open.

We are here for ya, whenever you want to vent! We do understand. ((((hug))))

-Lisa

PS: God, I hate this religion.

Double Edge

Never having been a JW, I REALLY have a hard time understanding how things like this can be allowed by a "loving" religion to go on. Obviously your mother is dealing with a type of "fear".... fear of being caught, fear of being disloyal to whomever, fear...fear...fear. However, she does put that fear aside, if only momentarily to connect with you and THAT is probably a big deal for her... she can't hide the love... it must be an overwhelming need for her.

There are SO MANY THINGS I want to tell her and share with her but I can't, because I'M AT WORK

How about doing it in a letter, or a series of cards? I think it is something that she would really appreciate and look forward to. Who knows, it might become a turning point down the road..... (just a tought).

FlyingHighNow

I understand. It just stinks, the WT org, & how it messes with our lives and families. They're shunning BS has caused me a lot of grief these past few months. Oh well...

Hugs.

Heather

Eyebrow2

this is a safe place to vent...vent away...we all do

shamus

As a matter of fact, I do feel sorry for you. Nobody should have that kind of relationship with they're own flesh and blood mother! How someone can raise a little boy to a man and then have nothing to do with them is so far beyond me! I guess you are not a prodigal son yet....

You have every reason to feel depressed and angry. I don't blame you one bit!

Brian

Sentinel

(((Ghosthunter)))

Your feelings are completely normal. My mom is a very strick JW, since 1959. She shunned me for a period of over ten years, which began in '82. This was so strick that she never once called me, and if I called her, she would either give the phone to my dad, or just be totally silent, until I ended up hanging up. They would come up from Fl and visit all over the place with other family members (not JW); but my mom would never visit me. She never got to meet my three stepsons at all. In 1992, she suddenly began more of a "normal" relationship with me. She met my second husband for the first time and actually came inside our apartment and had food with us. (I believe my dad had enough of our split apart family) I have two other sisters that get the same treatment. They are df'd, and I just walked away.

This "normal" relationship, of phone calls and visits to see her in FL lasted for ten years, and then she began shunning us again, in her strict way a little while after dad died in 2001. Now, however, she is in bad health, still lives very far away and calls maybe once every six weeks to update me on her health. I'm very grateful for her calls and I know that her calls are on her terms. There is no real depth to any of our conversations. She gives me her health update and then asks how my health has been. Then, she closes by saying how much she loves me and that I should always remember that. Like your conversations, ours is like a re-run.

Since I personally made a decision to allow her to have her faith and that I cannot control her in any way, I am much better for it. There are definitely times when I feel cheated of a genuiene relationship, but I am grateful just to hear her voice. I doubt I will ever see her again. She is 80 this year and has heart problems. The operation keeps getting postponed because they can't get her blood count up.

I'm glad your mom calls you. She obviously loves you very much and is only doing what she feels she HAS to. Try not to let it get you down too much. One day we will lose our mothers and then we will never again hear their voice. It must irritate you that she calls you at work. Mine calls me at home. She did call me at work a couple times, but I told her that I couldn't accept her calls there anymore, so she stopped. If she's anything like my mom, everything has to be on her terms, that way they have more control over the situation and will not be caught off guard.

Best wishes to you.

/<

Dawn

(((((Ghosthunter)))))))

I understand completely. I was very close to my mom - even after I was DF'd she kept a close relationship with me - we went to dinner, shopping, movies, etc. But someone must have gotten to her because this last November she chopped it all off and will only have limited contact with me. She's elderly and lives alone so she lets me know if she needs help...and that's about it.

Each person mends in different ways - but it helped me to vent here. And, it REALLY helped me when I sat back and took a look at the family I DO have - a wonderful husband, two terrific kids, and in-laws that have taken me in with open arms. I decided that although the borg had taken my old family - God had replaced them already with a new family that was more loving and supportive than my mom, dad, and brothers had ever been or even dreamed of being.

In the end - our family is not necessarily blood related - it's who we CHOOSE to be our family. It hurts to have your mom reject you - of course it hurts, we're human! Hang in there and keep your focus on the family that really counts!

My mom called today

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