Too restricting + more

by jdash 14 Replies latest jw experiences

  • jdash

    Good news or bad news first? I'll do bad.

    My grandmother is becoming more and more strict as I turn closer to 18, which is in 3 months. I ask for the most simplest thing and it's like "let me think about it" I don't wanna seem as a complainer to you guys but I just want to be normal. I see my friends going to every football game, hanging out, and i'm just over here bored. I currently work , so she takes literally half of my paycheck, not for bills or anything, when she knows i'm going to college, so paying for college will be a pain in the ass. It makes me debate whether I actually wanna stay till I graduate from highschool. Cause I feel once I turn 18, i'm doing stuff she forbids, you could say. I kinda got sad last night because there is this girl that I have been talking to, and she wants me to do things with her & whatnot, but I can't so I make up excuses. And I guess you could say i'm pretty good looking, lmao . If you want my instagram, feel free to pm me.

    Some good news is that I got accepted into a college with a 10k scholarship. It's my backup college if I don't get accepted into my main college. My grandmother keeps trying to change my mind on going to college. She says stuff like "you know i'll miss you right" "you are going to crash & burn and come back to jehovah" "you will come back to jehovah" like she knows i will fail. And she's always trying to doubt me and saying my path isn't clear.

    Overall i'm happy, except that I can't be "normal". Thanks guys for being here for me to vent to and talk to!

  • stillin

    Odd that gramma equates failure with coming back to Jehovah.

  • Amelia Ashton
    Amelia Ashton

    You can do whatever you set your mind to do. The greatest realisation for me was discovering all my achievements were actually down to me and not an invisible sky daddy helping me. Set your own goals for your life (not grandma's goals through you or for you) and go for them. X

  • joe134cd

    Always remember freedom comes at a price so good judgment is still required. Sadly freedom with drugs,alcohol, sex and gambling can bring some very serious problems, and to be honest I think some would be better off jw (this comes from a rabid apostate). I have wondered this many times that those who leave the religion latter in life have better long term results than younger leavers/faders, because of life experience and conditioning. As for nana taking half your pay check I think you may be surprised at just how expensive it is to live, and I think she has every right to ask for something.

  • the girl next door
    the girl next door

    Open a bank account with a trusted adult as co signer(required as you are a minor) or wait three months to open an account that is solely yours. Then have your paycheck direct deposited to your account by your employer.

    When your tution assistance comes in this will be imperative for you to set up as you do not want anyone else having access to your money.

    It sounds as though your Gmother has already written you off as “leaving Jehovah” so what is the harm to you immediately if you choose for yourself to go the football game and hang out with friends? Go on a date? What is your Gmother holding over you? Are you afraid of being kicked out? That would be illegal if she is your guardian. Are you planning on moving out? You should plan for it as soon as possible.

    Not really clear on the dynamics of exactly what you are dealing with but one thing is certain, you won’t get back the last few months of your high school story to re do. So make it exactly like you want now and deal with the repercussions. You’ll thank yourself later.

    I appreciate what Joe is getting at about some of the pitfalls of freedom, but I push back that it is oh so similar to the fear tactics employed by JW cult members.

    Truth is, people are actually wonderful and not everyone will lead you to sex, drugs and rock n roll. But if they do and you like it? Who is to judge you for it?

    Get control of your life. It is time to grow up. Stay in control by making good decisions.

  • scruffmcbuff

    The post above is simply perfect.

    I hope you read it and take it in. Enjoy your younger care free years. Dont waste them worrying.

  • caves

    jdash- I don't wanna seem as a complainer to you guys but I just want to be normal.

    I wouldn't worry about the complainer part. I didn't see it that way and I guarantee no one else did.

    Your post is normal. Your feelings are normal given the circumstances.

    Jws are abnormal.

    I wish I could have grasped that my feelings were normal at your age. It took me until I was 40. Thanks to the heavy indoctrination in the WTBS cult.

    Congrats on college. Try to let no one rip that away from you.

    Id start just keeping things to yourself meaning dont tell your jw family or other jws if its going to cause you to feel the heavy guilt they lay on. You dont deserve that. Lfe journey cn be difficult enough without the extra burden of caring what they think.

    Care about what you think.

  • Giordano

    First off congratulations on getting a scholarship! That's an excellent achievement. Even though that college was not your first choice.....very wise to apply to back up schools.

    Hell go and do things with this girl...... is she a school mate or some one at work? Start hanging out with non JW's. That's who you will be with......... in college.

    Good advice from the girl next door.

  • jdash

    Thanks guys!

    @the girl next door : I want to move out once I turn 18 but I don't know where to go. I may go live with my sister , but either of us have cars and she has 2 kids (3yr old & 6 month old). I wouldn't mind. I wish my brother wasn't a junkie but he is living with my other family members who I detest. We'll see.

    @giordano : I've been thinking that. Like, hell what do i have to lose? She goes to the sister school to mines. I met her on social media. You got me thinking now.

  • the girl next door
    the girl next door

    Go to the college now and post on the community boards you are looking for help, roommates etc. you will be surprised at the outreach you find. It will be up to you to find the best fit. Also, you will likely qualify for financial assistance if you need it for living arrangements. You won’t starve either. Aside from the ramen staple diet you will find food pantries that will help you and school programs where you can collect the food you need each week. You can do this.

    If you go the sister route, do everything you can to help her. She has her hands full. Clean the house, do the laundry, walk to the store, watch the kids so she can grab a nap, bring steaks home on a blue moon. It could work and be really beneficial for both of you.

    You are at the cusp of a totally new life. It can be daunting but it can also be euphoric. Weigh your options and try to do what is best for your progress.

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