Need some advice

by dura-luxe 26 Replies latest jw friends

dura-luxe

I knew this was coming. Mom's been going back to the Kingdom Hall for about a year now, and I figured that, much like my father, I would have to cut off all contact with her at some point. It looks like now might be that time. Why? Well...
MOM FOUND MY BLOG!!
Yup, it sounds like an Onion article, and I guess it's funny in a way. Unfortunately, she now knows everything. She knows that I resent having been brought up in a cult, whereas I had never, ever told her before that, well, damnit, I had a TERRIBLE childhood. I never told her how I really felt. So, now she knows. And I don't know what to do or what to say, or if I should say anything.
In her mind she basically just found out that not only do I think my parents messed up, but I also am never coming back to the Kingdom Hall. In her mind, I'm now dead at Armageddon.
I mean, can I even continue to have a relationship with my mother after this? I haven't spoken to my father (still a JW) in 5 years.
Here's the email she sent to me about it... Any kind words of support you have would be so greatly appreciated.
---------------------
What a "nice" way to end 2003. I've printed out 20 pages of "#.com" plus "fifty random facts". VERY INTERESTING and VERY, VERY, VERY SAD, but NOT very funny. It's perfectly alright to make fun of your TERRIBLE family that RUINED your life because you were brought up to be a JW, but the least you could do is have all your "facts" be "factual". Are you trying to "ostracize" your mother OR yourself. You have always been a "gifted" person (however, I don't recall Rachel crying and her mother bringing you home) so WHY (hear I go using CAPS again!!!) have you REDUCED yourself to a person who has no self-esteem???. Could it be the type of people you choose to associate with??? Your NY "friends"??? How much of a "friend" is a Canadian you met 2 weeks ago? Are they Users and making you a Looser????
By the way, WHEN did DJ become your "ex" (Fact 23)? Is DJ filing for divorce? and ... I didn't loose all my teeth at 16 (it was 13 because MY mother, unlike your mother, NEVER took me to a dentist until it was too late!!! But I NEVER left my dentures "always in a cup on the sink". (Fact 30). Oh...you forgot to include "Brookline, MA" in your list of list of 11 and where's the "crack house", next to your tenament in Queens??? (Fact 31). Also, (Fact 35) Angela may not be the brightest lightbulb, but I don't believe she was a "prostitute" and, if she was, she turned her life around 25 years ago when she married my brother. Which leads me to a question, K, WHEN are YOU going to TURN YOUR LIFE AROUND???? What right to you have to belittle Angela when you stated on 12/18/03 "Lookit this sad, lonely little logo I found on an old zip disk 'full of porn*'" THEN asterisk that with "Yes, 'actually full of porn.' I was in the process of 'designing a soft-core bondage site.' Nice pics. Very artsy." "Soft-Core" porn is STILL PORNOGRAPHY!!!!! (I couldn't use enough CAPS on that!!!) If that is YOUR idea of "nice" and "artsy", K, you are definitely TREADING in DEEP, DIRTY,MURKY WATERS and you are going to go in right over your head!!!!! Is that what you are trying to do K? You trying to drown your insecurities with FILTH? Is that why you and DJ started having troubles??? You NEVER told me what these differences were that you had so I have to come to some sort of conclusion, right or wrong, but with what I pulled off of the computer last night, it doesn't look good. What kind of grandiose illusions are you having!!!! Is your film debut that's scheduled for January 14 to help you get started in something worthwhile or is that disgusting too????
I could go on and on and on, K, but what is the sense of me WASTING (CAPS again) my time when I've been told by my own VERY SPECIAL GIRL that she's "going to be 30 and old enough to make my own decisions". Well, what I see (but then who am I, NOBODY, just someone to be addressed as "Hey Mom") is a VERY UNHAPPY person reaching out for attention and approval attested to from your writings on 12/6/03 through 12/30/03.
You have always had my attention K, even when I didn't approve of your life-style. I NEVER shut the door on you and never shut the door on your brother. My love for the both of you has always been UNCONDITIONAL but there is a LIMIT to how much I am going to be subjected to. Obviously you and N think VERY LITTLE of me and your father as parents. I've apologized to Noah for WHATEVER I did that made him turn on me and I am sorry if you think I participated in ruining your life. You have been on your own since you were 18 and YOU made YOUR decisions and I NEVER interferred. Now 12 years later you are still making YOUR decisions. Are you HAPPY with YOUR decisions???? I don't think so. I have other thoughts too, but I'll keep them to myself.
It's almost 2004, the world is getting worse and worse and worse (repetition for emphasis). WHAT are you going to do with YOUR LIFE, K. All the drinking in the world isn't going to remove your problems and obstacles. (Is there any "comedy" in that??? ) By the way, what is the "same recurring nightmare for 15 years"? (Fact 36)
Now you can add another entry about your "overbearing mother" as opposed to a "VERY CONCERNED mother" ... oooppps CAPS again!
LittleToe

"Unconditional, but there is a limit" interesting.
Sounds pretty screwy, but then I guess it's a reaction to having some illusions shattered.
Seems like a good reason not to read other peoples journals, to me.
It may take her some time to recover.
amac

How about a link to your blog?
hillary_step

dura-luxe,
The Internet is a strange place that can give our written notations and private thoughts an impression of intimacy when they are actually visible to millions, including our friends and family. I am not sure what you want us to say, but I would view what you wrote, especially the less flattering details of your parents and relatives lives, as out of order.
Like your mother, I would be outraged to have read some of the things that you included in your 'blog' and can well understand her reactions. By nature I am a private person and view this sort of thing as outrageous.
I am sorry that I am not saying what you want to hear, and this is just one persons opinion, but I think your family deserve an apology.
Best regards - HS
cruzanheart

Whoops! If I were you, I'd be tempted to change my name and move to South America, deep in the jungle, until this blows over. Seriously, though, welcome to the board, and I'm sorry your mother found out about your innermost feelings in that most public way. I'd give her a little space and then try to re-establish contact little by little.
Good luck, and keep us posted!
Nina
dura-luxe

The "facts" that I put on my website happen to be essays and pieces I am working on for my upcoming one-woman show about how I was raised as a Jehovah's Witness. If you don't believe in performance art, then that's your problem, but I do believe that they exist and are not considered out of line. Of course, feel free to ask Margaret Cho or John Leguizamo.
So, you are wrong. But thanks for being completely unsympathetic.
SixofNine

Just a point of fact for your mom, in her lifetime, the world most certainly has NOT gotten worse and worse and worse, it's gotten better and better and better. Anyone who says otherwise can be proven to be a liar.
And if that was a blog published so that anyone could stumble across it in cyberspace, you owe her an apology. A big one. Andy Warhol may have been right, but that doesn't mean it's a good thing.
amac

Any chance of getting a link to the blog? Then we can comment with either support or criticism. But as with any public forum, be prepared for both.
My first inclination, which could very well be wrong without seeing your blog, is to tell you to stop blaming your parents. Chances are they did what they thought was best for you and, as all parents, screwed up, maybe worse than most. Most often than not, the screw ups are not malicious but a mixture of love and selfishness.
Unfortunately, it is tough to realize the above until you have children yourself. Until then it is very easy to criticize the faults of one's parents and their "parenting."
I'm all for performance art, even bad performance art, but it seems ashame if it is at the expense of the feelings of those you love, or at least of those who spent a good chunk of their life in love and devotion to you.
Still would like to read your blog, though.
Special K

Welcome dura..
However, after reading your topic.. I'm torn in two about it
I see your side (somewhat)...
but as a mother.. I also see her side.
I guess that is why I don't have a blog..nor will I ever have a blog..
some personal thoughts of mine.. just need to remain personal. Because if they were read by members of my family.. I would end up in the predicament that you find yourself in at this time.
Even what I write here I try to keep reasonably personal. Now you have made me think about..
"what if my mother could read all my posts on here"? What kind of reaction would I expect from her?
You might ask yourself the same introspective question pehaps. How did you think she would respond?
Luckily, I don't think any posts I have made might be surprising and cutful to her...except maybe that I would not attend her funeral..just the memorial at a funeral home..
However, that is a circumstantial thing.. and my stance can change..
good luck with HOWEVER.. you wish this to turn out.
sincerely
Special K
hillary_step

dura-luxe,
The "facts" that I put on my website happen to be essays and pieces I am working on for my upcoming one-woman show about how I was raised as a Jehovah's Witness. If you don't believe in performance art, then that's your problem, but I do believe that they exist and are not considered out of line. Of course, feel free to ask Margaret Cho or John Leguizamo.
Well, perhaps if you had mentioned that what you had written is part fantasy and was actually written with a view to entertain and inform the masses I may have judged your post differently. Your mother obviously does not understand this either and I can still understand why she would be upset at personal details of her life, whether interpretive or otherwise appearing on the Internet, imho it is a violation of her privacy.
For example, if you were to read your best friends Blog and realize that you had been parodied, just for the sake of perfromance art of course, as being a lazy, untalented, vulgar person with bad breath, would you be happy?
It is not possible on a discussion Board to read between lines accurately, that is why we can only judge a post by its own merit. As I noted, this is just my opinion, to which I am entitled.
Best regards - HS

Need some advice

Share this