Funeral/Memorial at the Kingdom Hall ... Would you go?

by Wild_Thing 23 Replies latest jw friends

  • jwundubbed

    Memorials and funerals aren't really about the dead. They are meant for the living, for the people who the deceased left behind. I would never go to a memorial or a funeral if it didn't do something for me. Even if I went to support a friend, that would be as much for me as for them.

    But for me personally, I have only one reason to go to any funeral or memorial. I only go if I need to go in order to process my grief. Sometimes I do. Sometimes I just can't feel anything until I've been to the memorial/funeral. Sometimes I don't need that.

    My friend died recently. I hadn't seen him in years but we had been the best of friends when I had been around him. He had two lives. He had the life with his biological family and he had life with his chosen family. He loved both. His family held a small, family only, funeral for him. His chosen family held a memorial. My friend was a part of the pagan community, the comic-con community, and the fetish community. The chosen family was made up of people from all of those areas. His memorial was going to be very different. It wasn't going to be sad people milling around missing him. it was going to be a party. I was glad for him and for his chosen family as this was how they knew him. He would have loved having one last big blow out. But, I didn't know many of those people and the ones that I did know wouldn't contribute to my healing. I wouldn't be focused on my friend but on all the drama around me.

    The parallels between my friend's memorial and a Kingdom Hall memorial are there. They are complete opposites but how I feel about them is pretty similar. I decided not to go to my friend's memorial. It wasn't about the people that would be there or how they would treat me. It was about remembering my friend in a way that helped me heal and grieve. I did what was right for me.

    My advice to you, is not to focus on all the people and places and situations surrounding the memorial/funeral. Instead look at yourself. What do you need to do for yourself, so that you can heal and grieve? That is all it should be about. Do you need to do something for the person who died? Then do it. Because even that is about you and your healing process.

    Take the cult out of the equation and make what is really important count more.

  • LongHairGal


    I wouldn’t go to the hall either if I had family there who was shunning me. Glad I wasn’t raised in this religion.

    I was at the new hall a few months ago for a funeral talk. I was shocked at how empty it looked. All the people I remembered were older. No young people except for underage kids under their parents’ control.

    I was really there only as an observer and because I knew the person who died. I cringed at the talk and the awful song. It was nice to say hello to the very few people I liked. But, I don’t regret that I ‘faded’ over seventeen years ago. I couldn’t wait to run out the door.

  • smiddy3

    If Armageddon was just around the corner I would not set foot in a Kingdom Hall NEVER .

  • Giordano

    My wife and I attended a remarkable memorial service for a close friend who died well before her time.

    The memorial took place a few months after her passing to allow for some private mourning and to join with her family and friends to share in her passion........ her gardens. So in the Spring we gathered there when her garden was in full bloom to say a proper good by.

    There were just about a hundred of her close friends & family attending. The minister of the church whose choir she sang in spoke a few words....praising her qualities and assuring us that she would be missed.

    Pointing to the gardens he reminded us she would be in our memories and this beautiful garden would remind us of her beauty and love of life.

    A few close friends from her church choir performed some of her favorite songs.

    A long term friend gave her favorite soliloquy from Shakespeare....with no notes....... that lasted ten minutes.

    Family and close friends stepped up or used a mic that was brought to them in the audience to share a minute or two or three about who she was from their perspective.

    Laughter and tears traveled the same path....right to our hearts.

    Her husband barely made it through his personal remembrance.

    Being in the garden...... you felt her presence. Her love and passion. It surrounded us. Probably just the wonderful smells of her garden, the breeze of spring. But within that reality you still felt her presence

    And then finally the feeling that she was embracing us individually and saying thank you and it was time to let her go.

    As my wife and I left we remarked that that was the way to say goodbye to those you left behind.

    In death........ it was life affirming.

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