Memorials and funerals aren't really about the dead. They are meant for the living, for the people who the deceased left behind. I would never go to a memorial or a funeral if it didn't do something for me. Even if I went to support a friend, that would be as much for me as for them.
But for me personally, I have only one reason to go to any funeral or memorial. I only go if I need to go in order to process my grief. Sometimes I do. Sometimes I just can't feel anything until I've been to the memorial/funeral. Sometimes I don't need that.
My friend died recently. I hadn't seen him in years but we had been the best of friends when I had been around him. He had two lives. He had the life with his biological family and he had life with his chosen family. He loved both. His family held a small, family only, funeral for him. His chosen family held a memorial. My friend was a part of the pagan community, the comic-con community, and the fetish community. The chosen family was made up of people from all of those areas. His memorial was going to be very different. It wasn't going to be sad people milling around missing him. it was going to be a party. I was glad for him and for his chosen family as this was how they knew him. He would have loved having one last big blow out. But, I didn't know many of those people and the ones that I did know wouldn't contribute to my healing. I wouldn't be focused on my friend but on all the drama around me.
The parallels between my friend's memorial and a Kingdom Hall memorial are there. They are complete opposites but how I feel about them is pretty similar. I decided not to go to my friend's memorial. It wasn't about the people that would be there or how they would treat me. It was about remembering my friend in a way that helped me heal and grieve. I did what was right for me.
My advice to you, is not to focus on all the people and places and situations surrounding the memorial/funeral. Instead look at yourself. What do you need to do for yourself, so that you can heal and grieve? That is all it should be about. Do you need to do something for the person who died? Then do it. Because even that is about you and your healing process.
Take the cult out of the equation and make what is really important count more.