Non Jw and Jw can the relationship last?

by Dayshdeess 27 Replies latest social relationships

  • worldlygirl
    worldlygirl
    Cant be that bad can it?

    It can and it is. You may also want to take a look at some of my previous posts. My husband was out when I met and married him and we were so happy then. Imagine my surprise when he decided to go back. To make a long story short, the Organization stole my husband from me.... he left me four months ago.... said being married to an unbeliever was "endangering his spirituality" (or so his JW parents and elders convinced him!) You are not marrying one person, you are marrying an entire cult! Run, run, run, run, run.

  • shiloh
    shiloh

    I think you need to find out where you stand. My significant other is a JW and I'm not. I don't really care about what anyone believes or how many meetings they go to or any of that. It's all "whatever" as far as I'm concerned. But..... The blood issue is something different. This is something that could take the one you love away from you. It was something I couldn't live with. When things started getting serious between us I asked this person if I was going to have to stand by and watch them die because of something that was said thousands of years ago by a bronze age primitive who hadn't a clue what a blood transfusion was. The answer I got was "probably" so I said "I can't live with that" and just stared back. Since then, the blood cards have come out of the wallet, all communication with JW friends has stopped (including meetings) and we've been shopping for Christmas presents for our respective families together. When I finally got up the nerve to ask where I stood I was told that, given the choice between being with me or being with a church, the choice would always be me. It was further stated that "God knows one's heart" and that is what's important. Not going to meetings or following rules. A very atypical attiude for a dub from what I understand but it's something that never would have been enunciated had I not made my feelings known. The person I'm with has been in the "truth" for about 10 years so, while not a lifer, they are certainly not a newbie either. I was dead serious when I said I couldn't live with the blood issue. I was ready to leave. It's a real threat, and it's something to be seriously considered if you're going to continue the relationship. I might be painful to break it off now, but probably less so than watching the person you love die because of something you find to be beyond reason.

  • shiloh
    shiloh

    I should add that, the spectre of a change of heart and a return to the ways of dubdom is always in the back of my mind. This is what keeps me coming to this board and keeps me reading and researching the teachings and ways of the JW's. Should I ever need to use it, I want to have plenty of ammo to fight with.

    The sad truth is, though. Should a desire to return occur and should I be unable to stop it. That will be the end.

  • 68storm
    68storm

    Hello again Days, I don't have much time at the moment, I am trying to clear my workload, so my (Almost a robot) 13 year old son and I can head down to Florida for Xmas. He will certainly be glad to be away from his (Freakshow) jw mother and step dad.

    Believe me! If anyone can boast having staying power, it would be me. I was marriedtothedub for 25 years. THERE IS ABSOLUTELY! no compromise with the R2D2S! It is always their way or no way. Sure, they sometimes have a little drone laps and behave like humans, but the guilt that they feel for being human is not worth it. My ex was trying so hard to be fair to both sides, that she wound up in the Hospital many times with a nervous breakdown. I did not even consider the fact that it was her religion that was causing the turmoil. I always thought that the religion was the only thing keeping her together. After all.....I was led to believe that this wonderful religion had helped so many troubled, satanic people, turn to God and straighten out. This could not be further from the truth! It really irritates me, when an ex on this board claims that there are many good things to be had in wts. I am sure that the Nazzis, Commies and any other High control group could claim the same thing.

    I have spoken to many people that are/were in a mixed marriage with the dubs. The ones that are still together are suffering from self delusion. They claim that their spouse is different, they are reasonable, don't interfere with their beliefs, etc. That is HORSE MANURE! Upon further questioning them, you find that the dub gets their way always. They allow their children to be taken to the meetings (been there, done that) it teaches them to behave! (so does solitary confinement....would you choose that for your children?) I will have to live with the fact that my children are somewhat damaged because of it. (none of my four sons are dubs, thank God for that!)

    I know that you may think that I was against the dubs in the marriage. Not even close! to the contrary. Even though they could never convince me, (I studied with different brothers over the years, in order to please her) that they had the trooth, I still feel guilty for forcing my children into attending meetings with their mother, even as young adults. They are so dishonest when it comes to wts. She always had my blood boiling with her constant tales of our children treating her badly when I was away from home. The poor boys would often get an earful when I got home. I only found out recently that she was not forthcoming about the reason. She would harrass them about not choosing the witness way of life. Not once did she tell me that this was the problem! Now I know that this is always their motive apparandi. (sp?) They are instructed not to be forthcoming with the unbeliever about such things. They are even told to hide the mags from the unbelieving spouse. It could upset him and he will endanger her faith.

    I could write a book (thicker than Ray Franz's "In Search of Christian Freedom") about the negatives of a mixed marriage of this type. You would have an easier time being married to the likes of Charlie Manson, (Or a good looking sheep for that matter) than a jw.

    I have to go now. If you need any other info, don't hesitate to contact me, using the message feature on this board. I will be away from the computer until Jan. 5/04.

    I sincerely wish you the best of luck with your journey! and

    AVERY MERRY CHRISTMAS!

    68storm

  • asleif_dufansdottir
    asleif_dufansdottir
    This is something that could take the one you love away from you. (the blood issue)

    Not only that, it could get you killed, if you happen to be unconscious and your JW spouse will not authorize the use of blood. As the "opposing spouse" I carried a little wallet card, similar to their blood card, that clearly stated that i was NOT a JW and that if blood was necessary to save my life I gave permission for it!

  • Country Girl
    Country Girl

    The haughty attitude and unreasoning and blind acceptance will soon begin to grate on your nerves. Your whole lives will revolve around her religious choices, believe me, and you will probably come to resent it.

    CG

  • mouthy
    mouthy

    It matters not to me weather you marry or not!!!! BUT I am telling you.The way your indulging with this lady is the enterance to HELL. I am 76 yrs old... I have made 10 people a Witness of that organization.... Sex has a big hold on any relationship.... But after the ring is on the finger & it can be done in a marriage bed without a guilty conscience> YOU will have a RING around your brain..She may be all you think she is .But she is going to return to MIND CONTROL ....I have a support group of which A68 is a member HIS story is so true-he is a wonderful guy-Also his little lad.. But what she has put them through under the WT rules is evil...I have many that married their really lovely JWs...Oh LOVE was so wonderful UNTIL the net was thrown out!!! to catch you as a fish!!!!!This is a warning to you from everyone on here, Take it or leave it!!!!But I am telling you you will be sorry....Been there done that. My husband beat me constantly ( while I was a JW) but I KNEW I HAD TO ENDURE ALL THAT_ Because the organization told me I had to....That is how blind we become when they have finished with the moulding of the mind.Hubby is dead now-I find out he was right I was wrong.... Sorry for the long post. If you want to pm your address I will send you a book "A Jehovah Witness Finds the truth" She was a 3rd Generation JW. Good Luck.....

  • Dayshdeess
    Dayshdeess

    Well I made the mistake of telling her that I had been reading up on it and speaking to other people about it, my family and friends have no objections as far as I am happy, they dont particulary believe in her ideals but are happy If I am, others friends have been fairly straight to the jugular and told me to wake up and smell the coffee, she insisted that if I wanted to now anything then I should ask her, for her unbiased opinion, Im like what..unbiased ...I have a an open mind, I have my own free will honey. Needless to say fireworks ensued well untill the early hours of this morning, shes read up on all that before she decided to convert and I shouldnt be reading it, like this boards views and other peoples opinions are not valid, I should go to a meeting and see for myself the true things that go on, yes 'when hell freezes over' was my reply, to which the reply was 'your not openminded, thats the stereotypical view everyone has of JWs'.

    I have no intention of being brainwashed by her.

    Is it my perception, or is it more hardcore over in the US & Canada? Is it more lapse over here in thr UK? because whats shes telling me is not relating to what Im reading are the true beliefs of JWs.

    Ive said about me not being accepted by her friends, but apparentley Im wrong as since going back to the meetings she has told them and they are happy for her to see a Non JW and eventually marry one? She has told me that she would herself be baptised after she is married and if children were to follow, then 'When' not 'if' they choose themselves to become baptised they could, again not an issue Im clear about surely the elders and congregation would pressure her to have them baptised at an early age?

    I bought up the issue of outside persuassion from the congregation and like, and again she has told me differentley, that it would just be a decision of 50/50 between myself and her, nobody else.

    I have asked her if the decision was to be made between me and her beliefs, where would I stand, surprisingly again she has said that I would be chosen over the witnesses. Am I lucky in that she is not fully immersed in this organisation, I have asked her to quit, but she says it wont come to that, I should respect her beliefs as Its not much different from christianity and I should be able to accept that as It wont affect our lives, Im not being naive or being sucked in but I want this to work, If only she was not a believer.

    The blood issue also things dont seem to correspond, if and when children arrive on the scene, then should they become ill, she says she would discuss and even consider a transfusion.

    With christmas one week away, another heated debate is on the cards already, I should spend xmas day with her and take part in no celebrations whatsoever, apart from getting drunk that is and sinning, despite my affections for her, from my point I have my family to consider, Im certainly not going to shun them just to get my leg over and make her happy, christmas lost its magic years ago for me, but even so no xmas day this year does not appeal to me.

    Thank you all so far for your advice, should I stay with my partner then I see myself becoming a regular on this board, I appreciate this very much being able to voice my concerns and ask questions.

  • Okram
    Okram

    It can work. My Mom (JW) and Dad(unbeliever) celebrated their 35th wedding anniversary last month. True love conquers alot i guess. Moms been in the truth since around 74 or 75.

  • DebraDoll
    DebraDoll

    Run, or at least print out this thread and save it with all other vital records you keep and re-read it when things turn inevitably ugly.

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