"Why show me these things if I am beyond all hope?"

by SanFranciscoJim 16 Replies latest jw friends

  • SanFranciscoJim
    SanFranciscoJim

    I just got finished watching yet another version of A Christmas Carol (this time, the one starring Patrick Stewart -- one of the better remakes).

    Those who are familiar with the story will recall when the mysterious Ghost of Christmas Yet to Come escorts Scrooge into the cemetery and shows him his own grave, Scrooge replies with the question: "Why show me these things if I am beyond all hope?"

    Perhaps it's just my usual holiday season depression, but I am in a particularly dark mood tonight.

    No spirits have ever visited me. Even God has not made his presence known to me in any manner that I would consider what the Bible refers to as "evident demonstration".

    I therefore have to draw the conclusion that either my time has not come yet (which I hope), or that I am indeed beyond all hope. I'm not talking about the JW-version "disfellowshipped apostate" misery where there is "weeping and gnashing of teeth", either.

    It's just been a rough year. I could sure use a guardian angel or something.

  • blondie
    blondie

    Jim, what can I say, but I will say something. Our future is what we make of our present. But we never know if tomorrow will come, so we should not waste today. I got a letter from my JW mother, the one who knew my non-JW father was sexually abusing his children but did not protect them. Even now she denies she did anything wrong. I shredded it when I realized she had sent me a copy of a WT magazine article. I was anggggggggggry for about 15 minutes when I remembered this is her way to abuse her children. I used to think I was doomed, that the rest of my life would be poisoned by my past. But I have gotten past it, I find joy in every day, reaching small goals, helping someone else in some small way, enjoying the physical world around me, even snow. Do not look for something spectacular; realize it is the small things, the moments that remind us that life is a wonderful gift.

    Blondie, a guardian angel

  • Vivamus
    Vivamus

    Jim, I totally agree with Blondie's words, and I can't say it any better.

    Hugs.

    -

    Blue Bubblegum Girl

  • avengers
    avengers
    It's just been a rough year.

    Tell me about it! Things change though. Just stick with it and listen to
    what these two marvelous ladies are saying to you.

    And,,, oh yes; 2004 will be a good year.

    Andy

  • Momofmany
    Momofmany
    No spirits have ever visited me. Even God has not made his presence known to me in any manner that I would consider what the Bible refers to as "evident demonstration".

    I had to tell you, maybe it is better to get no sign what-so-ever. I gotta tell a story. We have had a lot of deaths in the family. The last one was my grandfather in October. Well I needed to pray. I needed a church I could go into and throw myself down and pray. I found one open and went inside to pray. Shortly after that, the church has some wiring malfunction, and burned down. The church was what my town was founded around. We were on all channels for news. I family member told me,"See what happens when you try to get close to God? See, he just don't want you."

    Yes, a bit mean, but I would rather not have a spirit, or presence, or any sign at all at this point.

  • SanFranciscoJim
    SanFranciscoJim
    I family member told me,"See what happens when you try to get close to God? See, he just don't want you."

    That reminds me of what the elders told me at my judicial hearing 23 years ago: "God no longer loves you, not for what you do, but for who you are."

    Even though those words were spoken to me nearly a quarter century ago, I can still hear them ringing in my ears. Of course, I don't believe that crap any more.

    Unfortunately, I don't feel the presence of God either. I think that "empty space" becomes more noticeable during the holidays. Frankly, I miss it, but I wonder if I ever really had the audience of God, or whether I was just deluding myself into believing in something because I needed to believe in something.

    I consider myself a "hopeful agnostic". I question the existence of God, but am hopeful that one day, if he exists, he will look down on me and give me some sign of his presence.

    A visit by three spirits on Christmas Eve would be a good place to start.

  • SM62
    SM62
    "God no longer loves you, not for what you do, but for who you are."

    SFJ,

    What an utter plank! So, this person KNEW God's mind, and KNEW who God loved and didn't love.

    Just be grateful that you are a decent, kind human being and he is just a loser.

    Take care

    Terri

  • Momofmany
    Momofmany
    That reminds me of what the elders told me at my judicial hearing 23 years ago: "God no longer loves you, not for what you do, but for who you are."

    That's horrible. How could he say that? I am so sorry he said that to you. I do hope there is a God, I really do. And I hope he smites him for saying that. That would be a really cool sign don't ya think?lol

  • Tuesday
    Tuesday

    I feel that way sometimes too, but then I realized that I felt the same way when I WAS a witness and supposedly in "God's orginization" so now I feel best when I'm doing whatever I want, whenever I want. So my simple cure for that is live for the moment and the moment alone.

  • azaria
    azaria

    Sorry to hear that you are down. For a lot of us it's a difficult time of year. I can't believe that the elders would tell you that you were no longer loved by God. Did they have a direct line with Him?

    "For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only son". It doesn't say "For God so loved some in the world." Before coming here I found this e-mail from my brother in Texas. I admit it made me weepy.

    The "W" in Christmas

    Each December, I vowed to make Christmas a calm and peaceful experience. I had cut back on nonessential obligations - extensive card writing, endless baking, decorating, and even overspending. Yet still, I found myself exhausted, unable to appreciate the precious family moments, and of course, the true meaning of Christmas. My son, Nicholas, was in kindergarten that year. It was an exciting season for a six year old. For weeks, he'd been memorizing songs for his school's "Winter Pageant." I didn't have the heart to tell him I'd be working the night of the production. Unwilling to miss his shining moment, I spoke with his teacher. She assured me there'd be a dress rehearsal the morning of the presentation. All parents unable to attend that evening were welcome to come then. Fortunately, Nicholas seemed happy with the compromise. So, the morning of the dress rehearsal, I filed in ten minutes early, found a spot on the cafeteria floor and sat down. Around the room, I saw several other parents quietly scampering to their seats. As I waited, the students were led into the room. Each class, accompanied by their teacher, sat cross-legged on the floor. Then, each group, one by one, rose to perform their song. Because the public school system had long stopped referring to the holiday as "Christmas," I didn't expect anything other than fun, commercial entertainment - songs of reindeer, Santa Claus, snowflakes and good cheer. So, when my son's class rose to sing, "Christmas Love," I was slightly taken aback by its bold title. Nicholas was aglow, as were all of his classmates, adorned in fuzzy mittens, red sweaters, and bright snowcaps upon their heads. Those in the front row - center stage - held up large letters, one by one, to spell out the title of the song. As the class would sing "C is for Christmas," a child would hold up the letter C. Then, "H is for Happy," and on and on, until each child holding up his portion had presented the complete message, "Christmas Love." The performance was going smoothly, until suddenly, we noticed her; a small, quiet, girl in the front row holding the letter "M" upside down - totally unaware her letter "M" appeared as a "W". The audience of 1st through 6th graders snickered at this little one's mistake. But she had no idea they were laughing at her, so she tood tall, proudly holding her "W". Although many teachers tried to shush the children, the laughter continued until the last letter was raised, and we all saw it together. A hush came over the audience and eyes began to widen. In that instant, we understood the reason we were there, why we celebrated the holiday in the first place, why even in the chaos, there was a purpose for our festivities. For when the last letter was held high, the message read loud and
    clear:
    "C H R I S T W A S L O V E"

    Hope you enjoyed it.

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