Am I being punished by Jehovah, or is the devil out to get me...I dont know anymore what to do...
- Let's see: your mom is a devout JW. You are not.
- Your mom is in a hospital, severely ill. You're not.
To me it looks that if anyone is being punished by God, it's your mom, not you. Maybe she's in the wrong
But more seriously: your mind has been trained to interpret everything that comes your way in JW terms. Want more examples?
- A good JW gets a new job offer that fits his schedule. Must be Jah blessing him.
- An inactive JW gets a new job offer that fits his schedule. Must be Satan tempting him.
- A good JW is fired. Must be Satan out to get him.
- An apostate is fired. Must be Jah revoking his blessing.
- JW activity is banned. Must be Satan persecuting them.
- JW activity is not banned. Must be Jah blessing them.
Basically, whatever happens JW minds have been trained to interpret it according to their beliefs. Funnily, all other believers do exactly the same!
The hospital is full of sick people. Did Jehovah make all of them sick? Or are they - and your mother - sick simply because people happen to get sick? You know the answer to that!
Additionally, if Jehovah would be sending you messages by killing your devout mother, he'd a bigtime asshole not worthy of any worship!
So, to comfort you, Jehovah didn't read this forum, and he is not making your mother sick to send you a message! That idea is cult indoctrination messing with your brain and emotions. And the indoctrination is working, because you're felling guilty, and your next move might be returning to the JW cult...
Hope your mother pulls through! Big hug for you and your family!
Stay calm and sane.