Today, July 1, I wrote what has become my annual contact with my parents. It is their 51st wedding anniversary. I e-mail them from across the world where I now live to let them know that I haven't forgotten them, I still love them, and that I'm doing okay. I know that they wonder. And as usual, I get the brief reply: 'Thank you. Glad you are okay. Praying for your return to Jehovah- who forgives in a large way... Love you'
I have no regrets about leaving the cult. But like many of you have experienced, it comes at such a high price. I don't have any relationship with my parents, who are getting up in age. My daughter (who sometimes still contacts me on the sly) is getting married, and I won't be in attendance. From her, I have found out that I'm soon to be a grandfather, as my son and his wife are expecting. I'll possibly never hear the news from him. And I'll have no part in my grandson's life.
It's sad to see that my parents are still such true believers. They have had ample opportunity in the last 46 years to see that the organization is not leading God's people. It breaks my heart to see my kids still involved, and I feel a big sense of guilt, because I am responsible for their upbringing. I ignored my own doubts while I dutifully impressed upon them the need to "stick close to Jehovah". I hope that they can see through the veil of lies at some point.
My girlfriend tries to be supportive of me when I feel down about my loss, but she cannot possibly understand what I have gone through, so her platitudes just end up making me angry. I prefer not to talk about it with her. I'm pretty open about my past as a JW if anyone over here asks about my history. Some of them are sympathetic, but again, they really cannot fathom what it's really like to have your entire life ripped away when you finally decide that you won't live with the lies and deception anymore. Not being understood is a lonely place.
Until next year, Mom and Dad.