Parenting through seperation

by rathernotsay 17 Replies latest jw friends

  • GetMeOutofHere

    1) Be a good dad, as advised above. Your children need to feel safe and secure with both parents. Be careful, if you push holidays etc then they will feel compromised in your company. Especially is this the case if your ex is strong in the truth. She will train them to have a bible-trained conscience and your children will feel very bad if you push anything that conflicts with watchtower ideology.

    2) Be interested in their theocratic progress. Ask them how they’re getting on at meetings, giving talks and if they have had any ministry experiences. You can still casually talk to them about your atheism but never try and force it down them. NEVER be critical of Watchtower! In fact, it’s possible to be critical of god or Jehovah, but once you start being critical of the organization then your ex and your children will see you as a danger and your future with them will be under threat.

    When they are older they will respect you and can make their own decision. In the meantime, your children will be encouraged to spend time with you and to honor you even if, sadly, the ultimate aim of mother and children will be to ‘win you without a word’ or in other words, to convert you to Watchtower.

  • stan livedeath
    stan livedeath

    @rathernotsay: your opening post has confused me.

    was your wife already a jw when you first met ?

    it seems youre in the Uk right ?

  • rathernotsay

    Thanks everyone, seems like your all saying to keep doing what I'm doing, which is nice to hear.

    @stand livedeath... she was a JW when we met but was going off the rails a bit and not actively partaking. Ended up pregnant and getting defellowshipped and has fought her way back in over the years. We are also in New Zealand not the UK although we share very similar laws from what I understand

  • stan livedeath
    stan livedeath
    my son and his wife divorced. she stayed a jw--he got d/f and aint likely to return. over the following years he spent £40,000 in legal fees fighting for his parental rights. but to no avail--the cult won. he doesnt see his kids now--both in their teens. his ex has remarried and is planning to take the kids with her to live in the US.
  • Diogenesister

    Try teaching kids critical thinking by asking open ended questions. There are so many resources to help children do this

    Peter Whorley " The If machine" is a great book to help you get them thinking.

  • Diogenesister

    For example, children as young as five and six use counter-examples (“Not all birds fly; penguins are birds, and they don’t fly”), draw distinctions (“Heroes are not the same as superheroes”), and challenge inference-making(“Just because he’s the biggest, it doesn’t mean he should get more”).’

    Here’s how to help your child hone these skills as they grow.

    1. Encourage agreement and disagreement

    Being able to say whether they agree or disagree with something, and why, is a sign that your child is thinking critically.

    ‘Be aware, however, that just because someone says, “I disagree,” it doesn’t mean they’re thinking critically,’ Peter explains. ‘For thinking to be properly critical, one needs to disagree in the right way.’

    For example, you can encourage your child to give reasons or examples that show why they agree or disagree with something.

    ‘Ask, “Do you agree?” to encourage them to evaluate someone else’s claim or idea,’ says Peter. ‘Ask them whether something is right or wrong, true or false, okay or not okay: in other words, have them take a position, evaluate and, if necessary, eliminate.’

    2. Ask why?

    ‘Though children are able to provide reasons for their answers, they often don’t; instead, they make unsupported assertions,’ Peter explains. ‘This is easily addressed by simply asking them, “Why?”’

    For instance, your child tells you that their classmate Sam snatched a ball from someone else at playtime. They say, ‘I think he should give it back.’

    You can encourage them to explain why, asking, ‘Why do you think he should give it back?’

    This may then prompt them to say, ‘Because it’s not his.’

    3. Question sequentially

    Help your child work through their reasoning by going through a series of steps. Following on from the example above:

    • Check for general principles (always/never/sometimes): ‘So, should you always give back what’s not yours?’
    • Listen out for counter-examples: ‘No, sometimes you might really need it.’
    • Then test the concrete example: ‘Does Sam really need the ball? So, should he give it back?’

    4. Look for extracurricular clubs

    Joining a philosophy or debating club is a good way to develop your child’s critical thinking skills and put them into practice with other children of a similar age. Some schools run these clubs, or there may be out-of-school clubs in your area.

    You can find out more about philosophy clubs from The Philosophy Foundation. If there isn’t one in your area, The Philosophy Foundation can help you set one up. You can find ideas for topics that you might like to discuss in Peter’s books, The If Machine (Continuum, £18.99) and 40 Lessons to get Children Thinking (Bloomsbu

  • Atlantis

    Download 4 Child Custody Manuals published by the Watchtower, a WT letter, and an EX-JW manual that may be of assistance in the future.

    All of these are combined in one PDF file. (Red bookmarks) Allow your attorney to gain an edge and know what to expect when battling for custody.

  • carla

    @ Atlantis-

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