Reversed Shunning

Difido

I dont post really. Probably because I'm full of discord and shame about this religion. I'm embarrassed, but working thru it. Anyway, I'm trying to move forward. (I was in for nearly 30 yrs)

The so called 'friends' who treated me like shit because they disliked my husband so much (he being a perpetual whining victim, [he was indeed victimized]- but hasn't the tools or desire to do anything about it except honor his vow and never change-but I digress) well these people, now that I've faded, (they must need to count some service time-🙄CV19) are suddenly constantly 'reaching out' to my poor-ass soul (sorry, I love swearing lol!!!) So, this is me-I'm shunning ALL those love bombers. I want NOTHING to do with any of them. Nothing. I dont respond. When asked if I ever need to talk, at first I would just say No thanks, I'm good. (I would think, thank goodness our thoughts can be kept private- no marquis on my forehead advertising my thought crimes.) Nope, I don't want to 'talk' about my thoughts. But now, I dont even respond. Probably if I say "Thanks" I'll be counted as an RV! LOL!!

I took a huge step posting this...just looking for some input. I feel a twinge of guilt but they are not my friends and dont love me.

LongHairGal

DIFIDO:

Welcome to the forum!

Isn’t it funny that people ‘Out’ who have gotten on with their lives are being contacted by JWs.. Because of your husband you are closer to the situation and would be contacted.

You are right about not answering them - because any answer just leads to more intrusive questions and contact you don’t want..from people who (as we both know) are not your friends.

I don’t expect to be contacted by them and have no patience for them and see through the whole thing. This ‘reactivation’ is because the religion is looking for money and is losing the demographic of elderly who are passing away. I was criticized for having a full time job and don’t want Jehovah’s Witness coming around asking for anything!

Just keep ignoring those calls & texts.

waton

I can feel with you. with the choice now to watch the zoom or not, I feel so much better, not having to face these awful faces at the hall. going to meetings was actually nice, all the neighbours waved with a big warm smile, and then on arrival the attempt to show who is who at the hall. Too bad it took a disaster like the virus to give us more peace.

caves

Difido, I can absolutely relate what you wrote.

Personally I was embarrassed 100% of having been a jw. So I didn't tell anyone much. I had to eventually get some therapy in my case. Even when I started posting here on this forum I felt shame wash over me and I struggled big time with those feelings. I didn't see that one coming. So I totally get that.

As far as reverse shunning. This is what I feel I embody as a person in regards my jw bio family and old jw friends that shunned me. I realized that after all my reaching out and being scapegoated and hurt thousands of times to many, I had to take my stance. I kind of secretly judged myself for shunning them in return. Now I don't. What peace of mind I may have left, I'd like to keep it.

I felt/feel like the damage is to extensive and even forgiveness pushes me to far. Some things it may not be healthy to 'forgive and forget'. I don't have to walk around pissed at them, but I sure as heck have control over what they know about me and control over whether or not I talk to any of them. I choose to not talk to them, any of them. Like I said, for my own peace of mind. And maybe their protection .lol.just keeping it real.

What I struggle with time to time is, I do get nostalgic thinking about some of the past and for a brief moment, I feel like saying hello to some of them. Then when my mind goes there I am suddenly off of those nostalgic thoughts and have to inject a bit of 'past results from that way of thinking' to snap me out of it. Which is a bit painful but I'm getting a lot better at it and turning those thoughts around much more quickly. It can be a challenge. Sure has been one for me.

Not sure if that made sense, just wanted you to know you are definitely not alone.

Pete Zahut

My own Father and my Wife's Father, both died refusing blood. Her Father was a 40 something year old elder with 4 kids at home and mine was in his mid 60's, getting ready to retire in 2 months. He studied with JW's who encouraged him to sign the "no blood" paperwork when going in for a routine surgery. This is not a pretty way to die, let me tell you.

Recently, because of all the end of the system hype that's been going on, my Brother began making noises about not being able to associate with me anymore (even though I'm only "faded") Before he could say it outright, I stopped him. Referring to he and his wife, I said that I was having more and more difficulty wanting to be around anyone who could support an organization that virtually killed our father and made him suffer so badly. An organization that turned around a year of two after his death and made it OK to take blood fractions which most assuredly would have saved him. I asked him if he tells people at the door that he has a lovely daughter and 2 beautiful little granddaughters who ( according to his religion) are going to be killed by God in the near future simply because they aren't JW's. I asked if while standing by the literature cart with his nice clothes and colorful literature, if he mentions to anyone how our father died in a modern hospital because JW's convinced him that God doesn't like blood transfusions.

That shut him up pretty quick and he's rethought the whole "shun your own Brother" idea. JW's aren't used to not having the upper hand when it comes to shunning people. It never occurs to them that maybe someone doesn't approve of or want to associate with THEM.

Finkelstein

ALL those love bombers. I want NOTHING to do with any of them.

All of those supposed concerned people (pretentious) are just following the orders by the JWS top mind controllers in that this new Virus is surely a sign of the end .

The WTS heads are using and exploiting this event to their advantage, but realistically this has been a fear mongering religious publishing house for over 140 years.

You could reply that you no longer believe in ancient mythology such as whats written in the bible, Prophecies etc. The truth is there have been pandemic plagues all throughout history and a lot deadlier but JWS are not programmed/taught with the truth they are programed with false information the WTS markets toward their literature proliferation.

Difido

Wow...Baby steps, allowing myself to be vulnerable and let you all know how I'm feeling, really paid off for me! You really 'get it' here on this forum.
@LongHairGal Thank you, It feels good to know that you, like me, simply run out of patience. Sometimes that is just for the best. (Long suffering had its work complete LOL!) The first thing to go when I woke up was the contributions. Done. Yes, they need the money from working people...while they shit on me too for working! Go figure. Yep...I'll continue to ignore their calls and texts.

@wanton, I too would rather receive a fake wave on zoom, than an actual meeting with the fake friends (but NO Zoom for me! Yay!!!)...my last year of meeting attendance was occupying a seat and getting the hell outta there. The pain of going with no heart, actually helped me to wake up. Thanks for your understanding words.

@caves, wow...you get the guilt, embarrassment, shame!! These emotions aren't foreign to humans...but only a former JW could understand WHY in this situation. I too secretly judge myself. Thanks for your words, I feel like if you can move past this...I can too. If one good thing came out of my waking up, it's that I refuse to Judge...anyone. (I'll need to include myself). For me...nostalgia not such a big player because anything good I look back on, I realize today I could embrace the same good...just SANS JW!, remove the religion...I'd be happy. When you mentioned your not speaking to them for your peace...and THEIR PROTECTION!!YES!!! Lol!!!
@Pete Zahut-Im so sorry about your Father and his wife dying due to the barbaric ever changing non biblical blood policy! This eye opening/ awakening makes me angry. I've read a lot of your insightful posts...now I know why you have such an acute understanding. With regards to your brother...you took the bull by the horns and got ahead of the potential shunning..this is exactly what I wish I could do if I had the strength! WOW...I love how you handled this! Kudos to you!!! Right now, I'm just holding my own...but your response helps me see why what I'm doing is okay...its actually proactive. Thank you.

@Finkelstein hahaha...yeah, they are trying to use their same ole same ole cultish fear mongering tactics.. I'd call them out for their utter foolishness, but my 'spiritual bent' right now...is unclear, let's just say my 'religion' is a choice of 'indifference'. I just have nothing left. And I don't want to be included on their field circus report as a return visit, (nor give them the 'field day' they would have talking about me). #mindcontrol

Mehlisue

As a X JW I can only encourage you to consider your own inner thinking and reactions. When I left them, it took me some time to understand that I did not have to dish God or the Lord or even hold any hostility to the JW. JW is a religion, not salvation. Once I got through the brain washing and control and fear mongering, I was able to understand, I did not Reject God or the Lord, I rejected MEN who had made their own club with their own rules. Big difference when you think about it.. NO MAN or any ORGANIZATION should ever put before any of us as a first option of them or death. THEY are not God, they are men, and men with a agenda. God is free and will allow you to walk with him and HE will tell you what is HIS truth from his own leading. .In short, Follow the Red words and let men argue out the opinions they hold. In the end, only the RED WORDS are life and count. Peace in your thoughts and actions.

tiki

Yup...I relate totally. To this day I find it an embarrassment that the family from which I sprung was involved in this messy cult...and that I was suckered in for so long. I have no interest whatsoever to have contact with any of the believers....and actually none ever reached out to me personally during my fade process and immediately after we did have some self-glorious elders knocking on the door but I did not answer.

jwundubbed

They shunned you. They basically said, 'You are dead to me'"

They don't know it yet, but they don't get to take that back. They put the ball in your court and you get to decide what you do with it. They can't just change their minds and erase what they did. They don't have that power over you anymore. They gave that power to you. It isn't reverse shunning. It is maintaining healthy boundaries from people who aren't safe to be around. You are making the right choice, not because anyone else agrees with you (even if we do and even if that helps you). You are making the right choice because it is your choice to make. You do what is right for you and it is the right choice to make.

Reversed Shunning

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