A Question for Born-ins Who Had a Parent Leave the Cult Before They Did

by jp1692 25 Replies latest jw experiences

  • Half banana
    Half banana

    Six weeks after I left the meetings an elder called on me to check whether to have me disfellowshipped as an apostate or to be disassociated. I told him that after a lot of thought, the religion was simply not for me and so it was announced at the meeting that Half banana was no longer one of Js Ws. This curt announcement implied to my old friends and family that I had gone over to the devil and that I was to be avoided like the plague.

    I really sympathise jp1692, one of my three children is still an ardent witness. The main thing, as l learned from the experience of criticising the JW org with my then-in daughter, is that it takes about ten years to heal the wounds inflicted by such adverse comments. I have been careful never to mention the religion with my still-in son (mid thirties) but recently he has voluntarily now sought my company after long years of avoiding me. Whether he leaves the cult or not-- I have my son back. I just hope that common sense will eventually kick in with him and I hope the same will happen with your sons as well.

    Perhaps the best we can do is never criticise their beliefs instead find reasons to praise our offspring for things they do which are not connected with the religion. This last point seemed to work in my situation.

  • blondie

    I have never had a jw family member df'd but I found that jws rarely just change regarding the WTS. Something has to happen to them personally in a negative and/or hypocritical way that makes them start thinking and then researching and then deciding what they will do, take a chance on not being found out or publicly taking a stand and being df'd themselves.

    I'm sorry about your sons continue to shun you. If they stop, they have to face certain consequences which could hold them back even if they become "enlightened."

    I was treated as I was df'd by my family and other jws when my husband was an elder and I was a regular pioneer. They didn't wait for the WTS to determine that as my status.

    Love, Blondie

  • sparky1

    From my perspective:

    Your sons are fools! My father was never one of Jehovah's Witnesses. In fact, my father was a bum. He was an alcoholic, bigamist and serial womanizer. I never even met the man. He died at 53 years old from his lifestyle. My siblings and I were raised by an unstable, religiously fanatical , dyed in the wool Jehovah's Witness mother. I will be 64 years old this year and had to make my way through life mostly on my own. No father to love and support me and give me guidance. No father to buffer me and my siblings from being raised by an unstable religious fanatic. I worked very, very hard to be a success in life but would trade it all for the love, support and guidance of a caring father. Your sons need to realize that they are very fortunate to have a father that loved and cared for them. You are worth more as a person than any religious ideology but they will have to find that out for themselves. Good luck and I hope things work out for you in the long run.

  • former2free


    I am the son of still totally add I did shun my parents for nearly 4 years. I’m sorry you are still going through it but as a child who did it to their parents I can only say that there has to be something that clicks in their heads. When I did it I was on the fringes for years at this point and thought I needed to start shunning to be in good standing with god. But it still never settled well with me. The fear mongering and guilt tripping is what finally made me really look deep into it. The the ARC was the final straw. Especially Geoffrey Jackson’s testimony. If there’s a was to get your children to see that I highly recommend it. Again, I’m sorry to hear you’re going through this and if there’s anything I can do to help let me know just private message me and we can exchange contact information. Take care my friend.

  • new boy
    new boy

    I like what Slimboyfat said.

    "The only thing I can think might work at this point is to stop trying."

    I agree it's called the "reverse shun" talk to them one last time and basically tell them them this.

    "I love you guys more than life itself and I'm and always will be your Father and will always be here for you. I love you unconditionally which is something your church doesn't believe in. When you realize what unconditional love is and get your head out of your ass please come and talk to me. Until you can do that we have nothing more to say."

    P.S. I was once where you are now and I wish my father had spoken these words to me.

    You can't act like you did something wrong.

  • BourneIdentity
    Unfortunately, like others have stated, most won't wake up to the extreme cruelty of disfellowshipping and shunning until the religion victimizes them or a close family member.

    I feel sorry for so many in the religion that refuse to look in their Bible and past examples from the Bible, how Jehovah and Jesus dealt with people to gain a better understanding, rather than give unwavering obedience to the Hateful Eight in Warwick.

    Did Jesus shun anyone while he was on earth? No.

    Is there a single example in the Bible where family members shunned other family members? No.

    Was Judas shunned for betraying Jesus? No.

    Was Satan disfellowshipped from the heavens after he became an opposer of Jehovah? No, in fact according to JWs belief, he got to hang around until 1914 when he was kicked out and hurled to the earth.

    Was the prodigal son shunned when he returned after sleeping with all the hookers? No.

    I can't stand when I hear them justify their actions by sharing the scripture that Jesus came to the earth to cause divisions and separate families. Talk about misinterpreting a scripture. If he meant for family members to shun one another, Jehovah would have made sure there was an example in the Bible showing how it's done. Causing divisions in this scripture means differing opinions. Like in politics, there is divisions. Lots of differing views and opinions, but they don't all shun one another because one doesn't see things the way the other does. Pretty easy to understand, but those Hateful Eight have done a hell of a job conning people, they are masters of their craft, no doubt about it.

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