A Question for Born-ins Who Had a Parent Leave the Cult Before They Did

by jp1692 25 Replies latest jw experiences

  • Crazyguy2

    I doesn’t help that JWs for the most part only associate with ones in their congregation too. It’s easy for some reason for JWs to just forget a their friends and loved ones if their not attending the congregation they go to.

    Im also in your shoes not dfd just not going. The problem is they the cult members are so ingnorant of every thing yet enjoying their fake lives with their fake friends they just don’t stop to ponder what’s wrong with the situation their in. It’s been said most JWs don’t wake up until they become a victim in some way of the cults teachings or policies. So the sad fact is they may never wake up and if your dfd they may never give you the time of day.

    Ive started going back because of this , it’s better to me a marginal JW and have your family then being out and not having anyone. It’s would be great to stand on a mountain with a deity shining a light down on you stating that your right and your a righteous good person but if no ones listening then what does it matter.

  • Finkelstein

    Sadly this is a real unfortunate consequence of how this cult breaks apart families, marriages and close relationships etc.

    The WTS mentally indoctrinates people to think that ones who were once full time devoted members but decided to leave for various reasons, should be dutifully shunned DFed or otherwise, this includes ones own family members.

    The cult hierarchy knew that when people start to closely investigate the organization's doctrines that they could invariably realize the organization was built upon false teachings and doctrines.

    So to control problematic dissidents the leaders of the WTS instituted a strict and ridged shunning policy which is closely regulated and enforced by the lower elders.

    More or less the WTS created its own theocratic laws of whom its members should be loyal to, in which people who were not loyal to them were essentially not loyal to Jehovah, thereby were unrighteous and evil due to be destroyed at Armageddon.

  • jp1692

    It was nice to wake up this morning and see all the different responses to my late-night (for me) post.

    Thank you!

    It is interesting—although not particularly surprising—to see how varied your differing responses are. And even though some of the advice offered conflicts with that suggested by others, there is certainly some value and merit in everything that all of you have written. There really is no “right answer.”

    This well illustrates the reality of just how difficult it is to deal with the damage done and the broken relationships caused by this cult, it’s policies and practices.

    You’ve all given me much to think about.

    Again, thanks!


  • jp1692

    FYI: I am not disfellowshipped. I quit going to meetings a little over five years ago.

    The last meeting I attended was the one in January 2014 when the infamous “Seven Shepherds, Eight Dukes” WT was studied:

    At that time, the life-saving direction that we receive from Jehovah’s organization may not appear practical from a human standpoint. All of us must be ready to obey any instructions we may receive, whether these appear sound from a strategic or human standpoint or not. ... Now is the time for any who may be putting their trust in secular education, material things, or human institutions to adjust their thinking. The elders must stand ready to help any who may now be wavering in their faith. – WT, November 15, 2013, paragraph 17

    That was it. I was done drinking the Kool-Aid.

  • Finkelstein

    jp1692, it doesn't seem to matter much anymore with JWS if your DFed or not, the WTS has from what was present in the past in comparison today, more of a controlling faction to keep its members away from dissenters or inactive members.

    Again using fear and guilt as psychological tool .

    The WTS leaders are aware now of the false doctrines preached and propagated by the WTS in decades past, this has caused the GB heads to ramp up separation of the loyal and the non loyal as it were.

    The need to build up a wall higher and thicker was in their conscious awareness a probably necessity or they risk losing much of what they have in power and money.

    I myself have been experiencing more of a cold shoulder from my still in family members and I've been out the JWS for close to 40 years.

  • jp1692


    Yes, I am aware of the changes in WT practices and the reasons behind them. But thank you for sharing for those among us that don't have your 40 years of perspective!


  • Giordano

    JP I have a different reality to share. My wife and I left the religion for good when we found out she was pregnant........ this was in the mid 1960's.

    Neither of us would have banned blood if needed.

    This reality check was the catalyst for us getting out........Blood and Armageddon. If those are the threads your going to yank then the whole religion falls apart quickly.

    Back in that day they didn't shun a person who left. Naturally good friends couldn't handle the change we made and my wife and i agreed to move on and live a great life.

    So now we were faced with a new problem. Something worse then being shunned......our family never stopped talking to us! It was always about all things JW.

    Over the next three decades every family visit was as painful as the last.

    Even when we didn't argue back ..........that 800 pound invisible JW gorilla was always in the room with us! It even climbed into the back seat of our car when we took my mom out and about............and it was always waiting for us when we arrived at my uber sister's home.

    Apparently my sister never forgave us for leaving one of the great lie's of the 20th century. Unfortunately one of those lies........ the ban on blood....... contributed to her early death. The same situation helped take my wife's mother........ well before her time.

  • Finkelstein

    It can be both infuriating and frustrating to realize that people are shunning other people like yourself based upon the instilled propagations of a corrupt and lying religious publishing house influencing to do just that.

    All we can do is to give these shunners the truthful information to why they shouldn't be doing that by using all fact based information from the bible or secular knowledge, hoping one day they will wake up.

    Let it be said though that leaders of this organization do not care about families being broken apart by their influencing directions, they are too absorbed in the privilege of power and position of adulation, also to the fact they are living off the proceeds of the organization. $$$

  • Anony Mous
    Anony Mous

    Besides my grandmother, I was the last one in my family in the cult. I shunned my mother for about 10 years and we’re still quite distant. There is not much they could’ve done I think to convince me, just let life play out and hope that your family member eventually runs into a wall. On the other hand, reach out, make sure you are still there for them and think about them but without pressuring them is probably the best thing you can do. My mother once in a while sent me a letter or a card, in the end, when I was expecting my first child that kind of broke things.

  • Old Navy
    Old Navy

    It's a situation rather like the Prodigal Son isn't it? Really not much a Father is able to do until certain things occur in the lives of those who are blindly following the 'rules of men' which will cause them to want to re-establish communication and contact.

    Just continue doing what is good in your eyes and setting the example of happiness, contentment and freedom. In due time they'll come around. We all do sooner or later.

Share this