by Doubtfully Yours 46 Replies latest jw experiences
This double life is slowly eating away at me. I'm planning to fade away and need all the ideas I can get.
It needs to be a fade because my parents, who I care deeply about are heavily into it and my poor hubby is wanting to obtain more privileges in the cong. Me, on the other hand, can't stand going to so many meetings and service and giving parts, etc.
Very much appreciate your ideas and support.
You're not feeling well. You're getting more and more depressed. The workload at home and at your job is getting to you. You need a break before you have a breakdown. Start missing meetings and do so with regularity.Don't tell anyone what you're going through, except here. You'll SLOWLY but surely make it.....Just don't ignore what is not the truth.
Like Minimus said, say things that will attract a measure of sympathy, such as "I'm feeling a little down," or "I just don't feel like myself lately". Of course you know not to openly mention substantial reasons for fading out ... they won't take that too well.
How old are you?....If minor, well you might need to suck it up until you are of legal age.
Oh, Minimus, I wish it were only that easy!
Just the other day my husband in so many words told me that we got married by the Organization and if I told him I wanted nothing with the Organization then that would be pretty much the end of our marriage. Bear in mind that I love this man very much, and he's an excellent husband except for the fact that he's into this religion big time and wants bigger participation.
Of course, me being the wife, need to help him by increasing my visibility in all activities and I just CAN'T play that game anymore!!!
HELP!!!
Well she's married so probably not a minor, but with dubs you never know.
You'll have to feel sickly as has been suggested. Cramps are a great one. Flowing heavily. Headaches. Oh and a favorite of mine is all the perfume gives you severe headaches. That one might get a local needs talk even.
Just the other day my husband in so many words told me that we got married by the Organization and if I told him I wanted nothing with the Organization then that would be pretty much the end of our marriage.
I can't understand these JW spouses that are ready to ditch a JW spouse that becomes inactive. What about all those experiences of JW wives who stay with their abusive non-JW husbands? What scriptural grounds would he have to leave or get a divorce. He couldn't remarry.
Blondie (fellow fader)
PS look at your PMs tonight.
Hey doubtfully how about we trade spouses, I can cook BTW.
My wife has told me the same thing as your husband told you. No matter what I do or show her it's the truth even when it's not the truth and it's God's organization even when it teaches things that are false. How do you reason with that?
Sorry for your predicament, it's a tough situation that many on the forum have faced with very mixed results.
Shotgun
I'm sorry that you are having to face this! In the normal world, no one would question your right to decide for yourself what you do and do not believe, but we all know that with JW's it is not the normal world. I grew up in it and did a slow fade from age 18- 24 but my now ex husband was doing the same, so I did not have the conflict you do. Technically, your stopping attending does not grant your husband any real grounds to dump you, I don't think it flies for a big spiritual man to claim spiritual endangerment. But again, the "rules" can be bent to suit them. The only thing I can think of is to pull off your fade slowly(if you can stand it). I think the rapid quit would be rough in your position. Start missing here and there by working late (if you don't work, consider getting a job), not feeling well and slowly add to the number you miss. Maybe it won't be noticed too much if it is random to start with. Hopefully you are not one of those completely healthy people who never gets sick, otherwise the sick card is a bit hard to play! And know that you have lots of support on this board from people who have been through the exit process.
I've been missing as many meetings as possible lately, but every time is a very heated argument between my husband and I. And, of course, there's always my parents stopping by or calling to find out why I didn't attend.
These past couple of days I've gone as far as having the talk with my husband, hiring a lawyer, and leaving the State. I feel that serious about it this time.
Having to put on a front whenever I do attend the meetings, and service, is so so stressful.
